What makes a woman intimidating to men?

I have been told many times by men that I am intimidating. I consider myself to be shy, but friendly, and cool with all types of people, so I don't get it.

I was out dancing with friends recently when a guy came up to me and told me that I was intimidating. He said he wanted to "give me advice" because I was pretty , but I looked mean. I found the whole thing weird since we had had a conversation a few moments earlier where we were cracking jokes, and making small talk. He wasn't trying to hit on me, In fact I think his brother is the one that kinda liked me, but I was annoyed by his whole "it's my fault" approach. His brother was off by himself looking, well, intimidated. Meanwhile he had no problem talking to one of my friends, who was completely standoffish, yet I was intimidating? I don't get it.

I'm asking you guys, because this is not the first time I heard this from a guy. A couple of my guy friends have also called me intimidating. I joke that more men should "man up" which always kinda reinforces their argument. Oops.

I don't want to intimidate men, but I don't plan on creating some persona to appease their fears either. Was that an intimidating statement? lol. I would like men to feel like they can approach me though, so maybe this is a two part question.

I'm curious about what makes men intimidated by a woman?

Also, any advice on how to stop scaring the male population away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Any number of things could make you look like less than approachable. The way you make eye contact. You're either trying too hard to tell us to get our butts over there or boring into our souls. I'm gonna guess you don't smile when you first meet a guy. Not smiling is the first sign of the apocalypse in a man's dating world. Try flashing the pearly whites in a warm way. The way you stand or talk to other people. How firm is your voice? How deep is it? What is your body language saying? If it's something alone the lines of "touch me and I'll rip your eyes out", then guys probably aren't going to line up to talk to you.

    Last piece of advice, try actually approaching guys yourself. They may feel too intimidated to come to you, but most guys aren't going to run screaming if you head to them. You CAN initiate contact yourself, you know.

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    • Some do, indeed, run when a girl approaches them.

    • i agree with Dishlady that some do run, even if they are interested. I am shy as well, so those that run become a huge deterrent.

      I also think you have a point about not smiling being the apocalypse. I am often told that I should smile, by male strangers. I know that my default face can definitely be seen as mean, or sad. It just seemed strange to me that my friend, who was deliberately being cold, and unfriendly, was never considered to be intimidating.

What Guys Said 6

  • They perceive you as high value and therefore out of their league.

    You're intimidating because you display (apparently) more social proof and are more solid in your sense of self.

    I'm going off of what most guys find intimidating. It's hard to tell without more information.

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  • Its really hard to say for sure without knowing you. But I am sure your looks have something to do with it. Not meaning that you are unattractive in any way, but some guys can get "scared" if a girl looks incredibly good and they are attracted to them. If you are a girl that is in 100% control of yourself, that only makes it "worse". Just show the guys that you are a sweet and innocent girl. That will make the soft ;)

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  • "Also, any advice on how to stop scaring the male population away?"

    Start approaching them and asking them out. Easy.

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    • it's not that simple. I have approached men. Once I gave a guy my number an told him we should hang out and our mutual friend told me he was scared to call me. scared to call the number I gave you?! see what I mean.

    • Then he's a coward though most guys would take action.

  • You can be confident and still be feminine. Many women can't find that balance. Men will treat you as an equal if you accept their approach. But if you try to prove you are as good or better... It well comes off poorly and makes the other person feel like you are insecure.

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  • When a hear a girl say that guys usually consider her "intimidating", to me that means that she isn't smiling and is giving off un-inviting body language.

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  • I think a woman looks is intimidating to me especially a girl who has a tight dress on and knows she nice. It's sad that woman have this effect on men never a man.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Insecure Guys are easily intimidated by smart/serious-looking women, principled/confident women, AND women who are extremely good looking. There is no way to prevent these Nervous Neds from running off into the sunset and leaving you standing alone.

    A guy generally wants to feel needed. A girl who appears overly confident and self-sufficient clearly doesn't need him, so what's the point of his presence? There IS none...

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  • some men are intimidated by intelligent women, accomplished women, etc. But those are only the guys who are not so accomplished or intelligent themselves. So that is not to worry about. However, be aware of your body language. Some people have open or closed body language. Often I notice shy people have closed body language as if they are trying to protect themselves. In early years it may look shy, but as they get older that posturing becomes "defensive-looking"

    If you don't smile, or get excited about anything, rarely show emotion, maintain a steady almost monotone vocal pitch, rarely give eye contact, stand or sit with with arms more closer or crossed near the body, you can give off an intimidating vibe. Also, some shy people tend to be very direct when they do communicate--nothing wrong with a direct communicator, but remember, some things require a bit of mystery--especially flirting. Also, if you are not one to laugh (esp at his jokes) you can be construed as intimidating.

    Try a little levity and do not be so serious when communicating with men.

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  • I guess you are a girl with principles, who has a the reputation of a "good", successful girl. For Boys who are only in to playing with girls and having fun you are intimidating, they have to much respect for you. They think they don't deserve you as they would not be able to "meet your requirements". Only the ones who think about a serious relationship (like the ones looking for a girl to marry) will have the courage to ask you out. That would be my interpretation :)

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  • take it as a compliment

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    • Maybe I missed something:

      how is a heterosexual female, scaring men away, something to compiment?

      That sounds more like a problem. :-X

  • intimidating can mean you seem like you are bitchy and full of attitude, and possibly arrogant.

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    • if it were just that wouldn't a guy just use those words and not say "intimidating"?

    • no

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