What do I mean? I mean a heated approach in the first couple of weeks. Exhibit A) :"Are you available for a relationship? I really need you to be available" this then declaring himself unavailable a month later. I fell in love with this one in spite of myself. He slept in my bed for a year and we went on hikes/ate/etc. together & had really interesting conversations then he'd bail for weeks on end until it finally fizzled. I thought if I didn't pressure, he'd come around... I should mention we had spooky chemistry & he was a super generous, affectionate lover.
Recently, I dated someone who mumbled "I love you" repeatedly the first time we slept together, called out my name the second time, wanted to talk about how great it was & some crazy talk about past lives & baby making. When I just looked bemused, he said "you're not saying much." I needed to slow the roll, but made a point to tell him I wanted to continue to get to know him. Also super sweet, amazing, hot lover. But he evaporated (I should mention nothing went wrong the last time we saw each other. He wanted to see me the next day.) He totally flaked on a plan, then called after a week & vaguely attempted another plan. I assume he's off to the next fool. But why is it OK for men to be emotionally self-indulgent & not accountable for basic communication but women who ask for anything are "crazy"?! I had no idea yet if I wanted this guy to be my boyfriend. He sort of raised the stakes with "love," but mostly I just want people to call more or less when they say, and follow through on plans. What you would expect even from an acquaintance or business transaction!
What's the deal? Attachment disorder? Both of these guys were super handsome but a little odd. I don't think either had some womanizing master plan, but maybe it's just to easy to float when you're quirky & handsome. These guys need all the trappings & intensity of romantic love, but don't want the real deal(?).
I'm pretty enough (though I'm really tall & maybe get exoticised /projected onto), sane enough, smart, have a great job, lovely friends, love life, love sex... Bla...bla...bla...
I'm getting tired, I can't bear the cynicism, and want so much for people just to be honest...
I'd rather hear "I changed my mind" or "someone else dazzled me/re-emerged"... Whatever, just an explanation for abrupt weirdness. It's much more respectful that making me figure it out/guess.
Most Helpful Guy
I would say that if you go after the same thing, and expect a different result--that is the definition of insanity.
But to be less dramatic about it, I would suggest trying out different guys. And what I mean by that, guys who you would not normally consider.
You don't have to be extreme about it, but dating casually would be a good start. Instead of meeting their demands, see if they can meet two or three of yours, like patience, which seems to be something you decidedly require based on your explanation.
Building slowly I think will leave you feeling in more control over any developing relationship and allows you to see where things are working and where they are not, before they get out of hand.