Women: do you expect the man to pay for dates?

i generally, offer to the pay for the first date, because it is a cultural norm that the person who invites out a woman makes it his treat to her. however, if we are on several dates, and she doesn't even offer to pay once, then I (and probably most other guys in that situation) would conclude that she's self-entitled.

women, do you think the cultural norm of guys paying on the first date is to rightfully be expected as it is a sign of chivalry and generosity. or do you think it is a double standard that demeans women.

please, only women answer the poll.

  • We should both split all the bills 50/50
    18% (3)38% (3)24% (6)Vote
  • He should pay for the first date, then 50/50 for the rest
    29% (5)25% (2)28% (7)Vote
  • He should pay for the 1st and 2nd date, then 50/50 for the rest
    29% (5)12% (1)24% (6)Vote
  • He should pay for the first three dates
    18% (3)0% (0)12% (3)Vote
  • He should pay for all dates, up until the relationship
    6% (1)25% (2)12% (3)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Whoever asks should pay, at least the first few dates.

    Most women will go out with guys she isn't that enthusiastic about at first -- not to get free stuff, but to give the guy a chance. I think, if there is anything girls hear over and over about dating it's "give him a chance." Most guys consider asking a girl out several times before she gives in to be a fairly standard dating strategy.

    Having to pay to spend time with someone that you're not really that excited about can be a drag. Especially as guys only ask out girls they are pretty attracted to and interested, so they generally have a higher interest level. That's why starting out with cheap or even free dates with lots of talking are a better bet than trying to impress the girl right away. It's low key, she won't feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on her to keep seeing you, and she's more likely to split, because you didn't coerce her to do something expensive and then want her to pay for it, too. Don't get discouraged by this -- we DO date plenty of guys we're excited about and there is no reason to think that a girl isn't excited about you... I'm just trying to give you perspective about the paying. You wouldn't want to pay to take out a girl that you're not that attracted to, but you also wouldn't want a woman you really desire to say no to you right off the bat. It puts us in a tricky situation.

    After dating a while, part of it comes down to finances and what a person likes to do. I think the woman should pay half the time for run-of-the mill stuff, though the person who really wants to do something in particular (see a band, go to a certain movie, go to an art show, etc) should pay both fees if they are making their boyfriend/girlfriend do something that isn't really their thing.

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    • whoever asks, is by our culture, usually the man. I also agree that women (unlike many men) usually don't feel attraction immediately, so asking someone to pay for something they're sure they don't want could be a problem. the contradiction about paying for a date that may not go well versus not having it all does raise a good point. and yeah, first dates should be cheap. I believe a cafe is the best place to go for 1st date.

    • I think men not wanting to date women they're not immediately attracted to is probably a large reason men do most of the asking. Most girls figure out fairly early that there is no way to gain a man's interest in you as a girlfriend, because it starts with looks. You can LOSE it from there, but you can't really gain it. Most gals will try to date guys she doesn't really care for the looks of, though it's debatable how successful that is, as well. Past 2-3 dates, girls do ask, though.

What Girls Said 6

  • I think after a certain point, men should offer to pay for things every now and then. Not every time because to me that just comes across as a little showy and the specialness of the gesture is lost.

    Personally, I venomously HATE it when a guy pays for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the gesture of it, but the thought of financially taking away from someone is something I can't stand. I think I've let my current partner of over a year pay for one meal (out of politeness, I accepted his offer), a zoo date (after excessive persuasion) and for cinema tickets when I only had a card and they didn't accept it. I pay for things for him and buy gifts for him all the time, so I'm a bit of a hypocrite with not liking him to buy me things or pay for me It's just a comfort thing and I'm not comfortable with it, I do feel like I'm taking advantage even if he's offering.

    I am more financially stable than him, so perhaps that has something to do with it. But I've never liked people paying for me regardless of the situation: I feel like I'm in debt.

    So, my thoughts? Pay for your own things and occasionally treat each other to things mutually. You get brownie points for offering to pay, as it shows you care, but if you excessively offer or insist then I'll get annoyed for you not understanding my stance/making you unhappy by denying you.

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  • The first several dates,I expect the guy to pay. If I have to come out of my pocket at all within say the first three or for dates.its not a good sign. I literally will not date a guy again if he doesn't pay. I do expect a guy to be chivalrous and have genuine intentions for dating me. this weeds out the casual guys who aren't feeling you and just see you as something to Kill time with. This is so I can get s feel for his attitudes and possible intentions. I don't expect to go to really expensive places either, I'm fine with olive garden, applebee's stuff like that..if he's not willing to do that, then I have to question what his true motivation for asking me out is

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    • That's definitely a great point. If he does care, he'll be willing to pay, because it is something that weeds out guys who are dating 20 women just for the fun of it. But at the same time, if it's like three dates (and you don't offer to pay once), the guy will probably feel like you are using him for his money, even though that is far from the case.

      also, do you think places like olive garden and apple bees are a little too formal for the very first date. I mean, maybe the second or third

    • Show All
    • yeah, that's a good point. as long as the woman is putting some effort into things, then I would still see her.

      well, I wouldn't call olive garden and applebees formal, but they are less casual. I think the best place for a first date is a cafe, and then a restaurant for a 2nd or 3rd date.

    • I would be fine with going to a cafe

  • I never really 'expect' a guy to pay for a date; but especially in terms of a first date it's nice if he offers and does; I'll always offer to pay my way - but it's nice when a guy is happy to do it for you.

    A couple of dates down the line though it should definitely be more fifity/fifty. Or if we're going out for drinks or something just alternating rounds. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a guy paying for me date after date after date.

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  • None of the above. I appreciate when a guy pays but I typically try to pay for my own half. Depends on financial situations. If he's in college I am far more likely to argue harder for paying than if he's single with a good job.

    I have notice that I am more traditional about other things, and if a guy doesn't pay for some of them then we typically don't match up on other ideals. (me being conservative/traditional)

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  • Generally,I think he should pay for the first three dates,at least. Call me old fashioned,but I think that's the way it should be.

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    • i think the woman should offer to pay (or at least offer to pay the tip). a real gentleman will say "its OK, I got it", but still it really doesn't look classy for a woman to just sit there twiddling her thumbs while the man is paying.

  • Well I don't know , if I went out on a date with a guy . I'd offer paying , but generally he won't accept my offer .

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