when I first started going out with my boyfriend, I lied about my sexual partners I said it was 3 but it was really 9 including him. I don't count one because it wouldn't really go in and my dad almost walked in on us. so technically it was 8 but maybe some people still count it so idk. anyway my boyfriend found out but was told it was 8 by somebody else including him and I didn't tell him about the other guy , broke up with me then took me back. a couple months later he found out about the last guy because he was a friend of a friend. he got so mad and broke up again. my boyfriend made me name all the guys and I changed one of their names because he went to school with him and he is considered a "stud" and can get any girl he wants. we had a one night stand.i was scared to tell him it was actually him. on Wednesday, I was singing a song around my boyfriend and cousin and my cousin was going to say that it reminded her of the guy but stopped herself until dumb me asked who. we smiled awkwardly and my boyfriend got suspicious. I confessed it was him and he got mad/hurt. he doesn't trust me and doesn't know if he wants to be with me since I lied so much. he is telling me he is going to ask the guy how many time we did it, which is once. and that he can't love me and that he doesn't know who I am anymore. I know I shouldn't have lied, but I don't like talking about the past. I didn't want him to think he was just another guy and compare himself and I definitely didn't want him to judge me. he said if we would have told me the truth 9 months ago, he wouldn't judge me, that he does judge me because he is mad I lied. but if that was true, wouldn't he be mad right now just about lying and not judge me? that is why I didn't want to tell him. so am I ruining this or is he overreacting? he says if we stay together, nothing will be the same, and he will be meaner and do whatever he wants. he told me he doesn't care what I do anymore. but I got invited to las vegas today and he said if I go then he will do something three times worse. so he is confusing me. I know is crewed up, but, I just never saw the past as a big deal. I don't ask about the past because I love unconditionally and I look at the present and future. but people are different and I just need advice.
Most Helpful Guy
Lying is different than "not saying the truth right away".
He asked you once about your sexual history, and you lied (3 partners). He found out you lied, and confronted you. You lied again about the number. He found out, and confronted you, and you lied AGAIN (changing the guy's name).
It's interesting to note, that through each of these lies, he ultimately accepted what you told him and continued your relationship. He didn't judge you for three partners. He didn't judge you for eight partners. He didn't judge you for adding another partner, though out of anger, he made you name them all. When you lied to him again, about a specific guy, he went off. Hardly surprising at all.
You apparently have no clue how important TRUST is in a relationship. You've lied to him so many times, that you'll never be able to tell him something again without him wondering, in the back of his mind, if you're keeping the truth from him.
If you didn't want to tell him anything about your sexual history, then you should have been upfront about it. You should have told him "I think the past should be left in the past, and I'm not going to talk about past sexual partners with you, because I don't have any attachment to them, and I don't want you to be obsessing over anything. I don't want to know anything about your past partners either. I'm with you because I WANT to be with you, and nobody else, and if that's not good enough for you, then we need to end this right now".
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