Why do I attract guys that treat me horribly?

I'm a 21 year old college student and I don't understand why every guy that has ever dated me all end up hurting me badly. I don't seek these guys out, they all come to me. They choose me, and then either dump me or completely hurt my feelings. They then apologize and say they still want to keep in touch, WTF?! Every single on of them! All I want is to be in a normal, healthy relationship with a sweet guy. The thing is, these guys NEVER look my way, they always ignore me. Why am I such an a**hole magnet? I'm pretty confident, I'm driven, and don't have any self-esteem or confidence issues. I'm not co-dependent, and people tell me that I'm a very cute girl. Anybody know anything about how to deal with this? Because honestly I'm stuck, and I don't know what to do about this.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Look I've seen this said by a number of girls I know and it's because they seem to keep guys who are nice purely as friends and then what you are left with is vibes you are sending out to the wrong type of guy, who then approach you and you then end up dating them. Girls who only attract arseholes seem to only have eyes for guys who appear similar to the previous guy, who himself was an arsehole. Now be 100% honest with yourself - do you tend to not go for particular type of guys? Have you rejected certain guys because they are not your type? It is very possible that the guys you are rejecting may not be the cutest out there but have the heart of gold.

    Trust me I have seen this with a number of a my fem friends who only go for particular types of guys and then complain that every guy they have dates is an arsehole etc...

    Im sorry if I am wrong here about you but it is simply not possible that every single guy is an arsehole and it must be the vibes you send out that only attract these types of guys. Try dating a guy you would normally never go for and see if that makes any difference.

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    • I don't think so, I've never rejected anyone before. I'm pretty open-minded and willing to give anyone a chance. I don't have a type, although the same type seems to go for me. Other guys I have meet just do not pay much attention to me, or only see me as a platonic friend.

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    • Thanks, I'll try that :) I've always thought smiling for no reason at random strangers would make me seem weird or creepy

    • Yeah if walk about with a permanent grin on your face then maybe lol But if you see some guys checking you out and you think one of them is cute, eye contact and a nice smile always works. Give it a try. You're a very pretty girl and need to stand proud and with glowing confidence. Send out a message that you're a lovely girl who can be approached by nice guys and remember to reject those d***heads! :) Good luck babe, I know you'll come good.

What Guys Said 3

  • It sounds like you really aren't attracted to these guys who seek you out. Stop settling. The good guys may ignore you if they somehow know you've only dated a**holes. They may assume that's what you want and see it as a waste of time to make a move. I know how it is to be treated like sh*t. All you can do is remain alone until someone decent comes along. I know being alone isn't great, but being with the wrong person is worse.

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  • It is simple you do what's known as "trending". You subconsciously find males with similar qualities attractive and unfortunately have not learned the warning signs until it is to late. If you have a Domestic Violence Center in your area they have great classes and counselling to help women such as your self identify such characteristics and traits in men. I would recommend you give them a call...

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    • You're probably right. I've never been physically abused though...

    • You do not need to be, It is a preventative class in nature, however it's unfortunately a reactive class as it is to late for most women by the time the learn of such classes...

  • well first off, guys who dump you aren't a**holes (necessarily). they are just guys who don't want to be in a relationship with you. also if its every guy, you'd think "huh, maybe its me". so if you really are confident and driven, you should be more than capable of approaching a guy who isn't like this...

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    • I have before. I try to strike up conversation, and just be friendly. They always look bored, or look like they'd rather be talking to anyone else but me. Also, all these guys said they wanted a relationship with me, or that they were looking for a relationship. I never asked them.

What Girls Said 3

  • when you meet a guy does it seem like you have known them forever? well if the answer is yes,it is because you have,he is the same type.

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  • they choose you but you don't have to choose them, just be more picky. Get to know them and become their friend first that way you can see their true colors. My current boyfriend and I are great together because we were friends for years before

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  • This may be completely off since I can't say for sure that you're in the same situation. But I had a friend who sound like you, and when she asked me why she kept attracting the wrong guys, I said that it's just that the only people she's interested in happened to be great guys on the outside, but once they were in a relationship, it would all go downhill.

    Fact was that she always chose guys who were too messed up to be responsible enough for a relationship, and that happens plenty of times, but the type of guy she routinely chooses happens to be a confident and selectively respectful. Sure. They were plenty sweet to her when they felt like it, but at the core, they weren't nice guys, and they ended up being really cocky and messed her up even if they weren't necessarily bad guys. She's looking for the same kind of nice, self-assured guy, but that's not the kind of person that she's attracted to, and so she never really gets into relationships with them.

    Which I think is what's going on with you. If you look around your pool of friends, or even the pool of people you've attracted in the past. I'm sure you know plenty of guys who would be really good to you in a relationship, but the thing is, you're not attracted back for x, why or z reason.

    Who you date is ultimately your choice. And I'm sure you've got plenty of experience in knowing what you don't want from a guy, so you need to weed out the wrong guys (who show signs of the bad traits you don't want) from your interest, early. But it's kinda like weeding a garden, early on, all the plants look alike and you might weed out a good guy and leave all the bad ones in, and later on it'll be much harder to pull them out. See how they treat other people, other girls they're not interested in and be cautious.

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    • I don't really know a ton of other guys. The guys I do know, (friends, neighbors, classmates) do not see me as anything more than a friend or acquaintance. And yes, I'm attracted to them. I've also dated guys who I was never attracted to. It's always the same ending result no matter what I do.

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    • go in a month, in 6 months, and so on, how would he handle things if things got rough? Would he fight? Would he talk things out? How much attention do you need, and how much can he give without pressing himself? Things like that. It's like being able to tell a movie is bad from a 2 minute trailer, so you don't have to endure the full 2 hours of emotional scarring and wish you had spent your money on a different movie. If you don't learn and observe, all you'll be doing is leaving yourself sucept

    • suceptible to laying down time and money for something you ultimately don't want to endure. And because you're emotionally invested, it's absolutely critical to be careful.

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