Am I in the wrong or is he?

We've had an unlabeled 'thing' for a while now. We would date if we lived near each other, but we don't. We got into a bit of an argument last night. I said something about how some girl is gonna snatch him up, and he replied with "actually, my friend is setting me up with some girl." I said I wasn't happy about it, and he said he wasn't either because he wasn't sure if he wanted a girlfriend now. I don't know if it was because of me or anything. I said I'd be upset if he started dating and he said "sorry. Life moves on though." At that point I lost it. I asked him why he would say that because he knew it would rattle me. by the way, we can actually date in less than a year. I know he doesn't owe me anything but couldn't he be more considerate to my feelings? he'd freak out if I started dating.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He was being realistic, which is good, but he wasn't handling it in a way that was sensitive to your feelings, which is bad.

    LDRs don't work, and given that you can't be together, you shouldn't pretend that either of you owes each other anything. You are both single and free to date as you like. And if you are both single 9 months from now, and want to date each other, then have at it.

    You want to have your cake and eat it too, and you can't. I realize that hurts your feelings, but that isn't his fault. He should have just found a kinder way to talk about it with you.

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    • Then I should probably stop giving him 'benefits' right?

    • Definitely. All you are doing right now is telling him that you're perfectly fine being his booty call, but you're obviously a relationship girl, so you need to stop putting out until you're actually IN a relationship. And NOT a LDR, but rather with someone who is physically available to you.

What Guys Said 4

  • He should be more considerate of your feelings. Makes you wonder if you should even date him at all, eh? He doesn't seem like a very good guy. Now what you could do is say if your going to date other girls, I'm going to date other guys. Which is fail.

    It's occurred to me that this might be a ploy to make you want to commit as a girlfriend to him by way of jealousy. Your mad he is dating other women so you commit to a relationship so he can't date. Does he seem like he wants that? It would be pretty manipulative for a guy to do this, almost Teen drama worthy. Is he the passive agressive type that might do this?

    If not he's probably just insensitive and needs to be let go.

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    • I've already ran the ldr idea past time and he denied it.

    • *past him

    • hey he doesn't want a long distance relationship, his loss. There is no reason for you to stick around. Get someone who is a man and treats you right.

  • Neither of you are "wrong", but I guess he could've been softer about it. Also a year is a while to wait, he could always break up with that other chick within a year.

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    • Well, it's more like 9 months. And that would ruin it, we wouldn't talk much anymore.

  • Yeah he could be more considerate. Why not just date other guys since he's not interested?

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    • haven't met anyone that I would wanna date

    • I know what ya mean, just gotta meet more people.

  • maybe he's getting impatient and doesn't see it going anywhere especially since you don't live near each other.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Well, you've said you're not actually dating, which means you're not exclusive and he (and you) can date who he wants, and you really can't be angry at him for it. So I'd say you probably overreacted a bit. However, he could've been nicer about it.

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  • i've been in your situation.

    its not going anywhere with you two and if things continue the way they are going, you're going to be hurt very badly.

    you need to talk to him about moving on from each other and either cutting each other out of your life or just becoming friends. I know it sucks but you can't live in your head anymore.

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    • yeah I guess I could stop talking to him. and if we went up together in a year then so be it. I'm just not really sure what to say to him. he'll notice if I stop texting him.

    • i think you should talk to him about what y'all might do...you could limit how much you talk to each other and try to distance yourselves from each other.

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