I'm seriously considering dying alone, not because I want to but because it looks that way. What do I do?

I'm 19 and have been rejected by 10 girls in my life. The only girlfriend I had, I had for about one 1/2 years. It was lucky and I knew she'd say yes. When she went to college, she wasn't interested enough to make it work. Whenever I see a girl I like, I zone out and get nervous. I'm very brave in everything else, skydiving/football etc but I freak out when talking to a girl I like. In my group of friends, they are constantly hooking up with people and I had to lie to seem masculine. Truth is I'm still a virgin and only kissed one girl. This was a problem in my relationship too, because my ex had kissed other guys, and I felt weak in comparison. I was also bitter about it too.

Now there have been some positives from this lack of female attention, I worked out and lost weight and have abs coming through. I'm only 5'8 so I know I'm at a disadvantage. I think I look awful, but some have told me I look handsome(probably white lies). I am the most athletic of my friends, almost went professional in soccer and am studying to be a doctor(pre-med), but I think this stuff is useless if I can't be man enough to get a girl's attention. I don't know if I want the ego boost of a hookup or a serious relationship to help my nonexistent confidence. What should I do? I'm getting frustrated and feel like I'm not man enough.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Can you please take it easy!? Loads of people out there are virgins and have little experience, don't make it a bigger deal than it already is or you will drive yourself nuts. No offence but doctors are givers of life how can you state in your question that you wanna die alone?! And the reason being: that you're still a teen and single. Come back and ask this question when you're 35 then it may seem a biiiit legit. And even if it seemed legit now, how can you wanna die or whatever over something which you haven't even trie dto solve?! Get over your nervousness and try dating instead of whining. Girls hate people with such baggage and so much drama so turn it down a notch cos they can smell it a mile away. Point is there are billions of reasons to be alive even when you're single at 50! Being healthy and well shouldn't be taken for granted HECK you wanna be a doctor then you gotta pass on positive vibes to ppl, I'm sorry that's how it goes. I'm a teacher I can't carry my emotional baggage in class even when I was 20 and still a virgin! You need to toughen up! Ask girls out consistenty and practice being on dates eventually you ll get it right. Don't be unappreciative of what you have-- plus people are mid aged and alone so stop whining and make things happen cos relationships don't fall out of the sky. Have some fun with girls and don't focus on relationhips of tw bat cos you stress yourself out. Date aroun become less nervous around them and it will eventuallly become a relationship. You're too young to be complaining in such a dramatic way amd I'm not patronizing you I just wanna give you a loud wake up call to appreciate life your hobbies and your friends and stop being so negative

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    • Believe me I've tried fixing it but nothing is working. Faking confidence, asking girls out, nothing's working. Before asking on this site, I asked my friends and they told me to become a jerk. It's not what I want to do, but I'm conflicted. When you say "date around/asking girls out on dates" you make it sound much easier than it actually is.

What Girls Said 5

  • Hmmm... do you want me to breast feed you or kick you where your balls are supposed to be?

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    • Harsh.

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    • I had been offline for a few days..

      I don't get where it looks like I'm trolling, being athletic(which I'm not bragging about, just saying I am more than my friends) isn't helping when I'm not tall enough for a girl. How would a walk through Latin America help my being alone? My parents come from a 3rd world country, I know what they face and I have tried helping through volunteering etc. How does any of that help me with my question?

    • Now you're going to be offline for a few more days?

      Sounds like you're really looking for help. Yet I already helped you. It's in there, you just have to open your eyes.

  • Basing your self-confidence on whether girls like you or not is not a healthy way to go. Confidence comes from within. When you finally accept yourself and are content with who you are, the girls will come. Confidence is sex appeal.

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    • But how do you get that if you have never had any prior success?

    • Think of some little things that you've always wanted to do and do them. You can write a list and when you start accomplishing these it builds your self-esteem.

      For eg. one of my friends always wanted to learn how to ride a motorbike and she did it. From there, it become a conversation starter, she made lots of friends and this boosted her self-esteem. Her lifestyle changed dramatically because she was out socialising, forming friendships etc.

  • girls will be kicking down your door when you become a doctor so you will have your pick. trust and believe that one buddy. maybe you are going after girls that are out of your league?

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    • I thought about the doctor thing, but I don't want to be used for stability. Going through 10yrs + of school to then be noticed is terrible. I'd want a girl to find me attractive for me, not for my wallet or status.

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    • I don't think I am really. I find many different types of girls attractive

    • well I really don't know what to tell you because I can't see you but you are not going to die alone.

  • Yes, at 19, your life is completely over. It's not like humans live to be in and around 80 or anything...

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  • So dramatic. YOUR life is still in it's most beginning stages. You are like the tadpole NOT the frog YET...but yeah you need to make progress.

    You had a girlfriend for about 6 months that is not bad.

    Lots of women are shorter then 5'8.

    Well, I think you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

    You might be a very attractive, athletic, smart guy...yet it sounds like you are really uptight?

    You are asking us to make a decision about "hook-up" or relationship.

    A hook up would get you over the virginity thing for sure.

    A relationship would teach you something else entirely.

    What are your thoughts? How come you don't know what you want?

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    • I don't see myself as being a hookup type of person, but it would be an ego boost for a girl to want me for just physical reasons. While a relationship sounds great, I would still be in a complex to my friends since I haven't had enough experience compared to my girlfriend or my friends.

    • I guarantee that your friends are not being 100% honest with you.

    • Well I see the girls, they get with, so I could assume that even if 50% is true, its much more than me

What Guys Said 3

  • You're 19 and have already considered dying alone? At least give yourself a few more decades before you make such a rash decision, after all it's not like the world isn't full of people who remain single even up until their thirties, forties and beyond.

    Here's the deal, you're still a kid. Now I'm not trying to be patronizing, but around your age (which admittedly was not that long ago) I was still in university, still trying to overcome my various foibles, still trying to control my emotions and still trying my hardest to fit in. But I didn't become more confident and overt overnight and I certainly didn't discover my masculinity in one quick hookup - neither will you. You still have a lot of life to live and learn from before you throw in the towel just yet.

    To paraphrase an older friend who gave me some advice (which worked):

    "Live your life. There will always be men and women out there in whatever you do, but the moment you start actually worrying about where the next one is coming from you've already screwed yourself out of your own happiness."

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    • Thats exactly what I'm telling our doctor-to-be-buddy here. Cos he's making the same mistake most people make: fussing about relationships. You need to enjoy yourself and be care free and then that will attract people to wanna be carefree in your company, with you. I seriously believe when we're tense and lonely--and it happens to all of us at times--we give out weird vibes which signal people to keep a distance. Especially in college dude have some fun it's the time to be carefree and have fun!:)

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    • Fake confidence is like rancid meat, it looks the part from a distance but upon closer examination it becomes apparent that the meat is off. Actual confidence in yourself needs to come from a deeply personal place and cannot be given to you (the worst thing you can expect from a girl is her to fill a missing chunk of your personality), you need to first accept and love yourself. Learn to be comfortable with people, learn not to look over your shoulder for women and try to enjoy yourself.

    • Well I have to start somewhere don't I? I don't understand how I'm going to get that confidence/masculinity from anywhere else. Sports, grades don't do it. How do you magically conjure up confidence from nothing?

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  • You can choose to die alone, if you like. Or you can choose to work on your mind, in the same way you worked on your body, and just get over your fears and insecurities.

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    • And how would I do that exactly?

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    • That's much easier said than done though. I mean I'm not satisfied being me, I want to be better looking taller, and have more attention from girls.

    • Well, sure. If you want to spend your time waiting on things that will never happen, that's an option too. A crazy one, but knock yourself out.

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