How do I take things to the next level?

I've been dating this guy for 3 1/2 months now. When we met the sparks were crazy, now they've died down a little because the excitement of someone new has faded. We used to spend pretty much all day every day together, but now it's more like 4 or 5 days a week we will hang out and spend probably 4 nights together. We used to have sex a few times a day, now it's just a few times a week.

Sometimes he'll be so flaky and cancel on me and I won't see him for a few days, even though I do hear from him. I get confused because I feel like he's freezing me out, but then he'll want to hang out after a few days and be totally normal, having a great time and enjoying being with me again.

When I first met him, I was honest and told him I'm not a "friends with benefits" kinda girl. Pretty early on he told me he could see something more with me, and that's not what I was to him. But now, 3 1/2 months later, we still aren't beyond the dating phase. I'm at a point where I want to define what we are. I'm starting to feel like this is headed towards "friends with benefits", and I don't want that. I'd rather cut this off completely than be that.

With the way I feel, I want to be his girlfriend. I don't want to see other people. I know if we keep just casually dating, I'll probably end up getting hurt. I want to either be in a relationship or not date him at all. And he hasn't been seeing other people either, so I don't see what I have to lose by asking, but I also know that titles freak him out since he's never been in a relationship.

I don't know how to bring this up and see how he feels. I don't mean to demand anything, I really am fine with either option, I just know that if he doesn't want a relationship it's time to cut ties and move on.

How do I bring this up? I'm bad at serious talks and I'm terrified of the risk I am taking. I don't want to lose him, but I can let him go if I have to.


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What Guys Said 2

  • first of all;

    it's completely normal and natural that initial passion and excitement fade away. but I think seeing him 4 or 5 days a week and having sex almost every time you two are together is a pretty good and healthy rate. of course he needs some time for himself and friends. I don't think there is anything particularly wrong with your relationship.

    spending every day together is not good. it gets boring after a while. so I think it's actually very good that you don't see each other every day and being together all day long - like you used to.

    now, about this title stuff;

    simply talk to him. personally, as a man, I never bring this up - I always wait for her to mention this stuff.

    you clearly want a serious relationship and if he bails out when you ask him what's up, hey, he simply is not the right person for you - with the same mentality/objective. you can only gain by that. you will get rid of someone who's not right and you can start seeking someone new.

    so, just say "hey, listen, I was thinking, you're [this and that some nice things], I really like you and I want to be your serious and exclusive girlfriend." that's it.

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  • Stop over thinking it. Be you and let it go where it will

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