Dating a new guy with Asperger's, what should I do?

So I was in a relationship with a very manipulative uncaring guy, and an acquaintance "Joe" (a mutual friend of ours but not a good friend of either of ours) helped me through it. We just started to talk after a random series of coincidences and started talking and hanging out in a platonic way, mostly in a group. He was very blunt and told me what I needed to hear and was always super honest. I appreciated that and it really helped, though occasionally he sounded harsh. One day I pointed this out to me and he explained he had Asperger's and told me to tell him if it was ever a problem because he'd never want to hurt my feelings. .

That was months ago...and now we're friends and I realized I was developing feelings for him but didn't do anything about it until he brought up he really liked me and (his exact words) "you're really pretty too, so its a bonus that goes well with your personality". We've been texting each other back and forth (we take turns initiating and he's always very attentive) and hanging out a bit. The problem is whenever I want to text him, I don't exactly know what to say and we've just been small talking and acting like friends. However I'd eventually like to start dating him (he actually said that he wanted that too) so any ideas of what to say when I text him to nudge him in that direction?

Specifically, what's a good conversation starter, and as I stated because of the Asperger's he's a bit shy and reserved so I'm trying to draw him out and have him open up. I'm not sure if this matters but he's super blunt. I know he likes me because he told me (obviously) but I get the feeling is a little wary/nervous about exposing his feelings. He's very caring but isn't great with his emotions. Which I understand, so I don't want to scare him and am willing to be patient.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I too have aspergers syndrome and would like to give some very good advice that I gave my girlfriend that has helped us immensely. Always be direct and be forward. With Aspergers (which is a form of autism) we are in constant fear of judgement from anyone for any reason and we are unable to pick up on almost any social queue. If things are not said directly to us we will not understand and if you try to give a signal or hint we will not get it.

    We also are always blunt and direct. Some things we say seem harsh and mean but we mean it in the nicest of ways but simply do not understand what is wrong with what it is we said. So if he said he likes you then he LIKES you A LOT. So if you want it to advance you should tell him. Also if he is anything like me he will not understand when it has crossed into dating until he is told (I've gone a long time without knowing I was dating a girl but was wanting to/waiting to lol).

    So just be direct and forward and have patience! I wish you luck!

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    • Oh and it's best not to leave it up to him as to when and where like the other poster said. It gets us very confused and can cause a freak out. lol.

    • Thank you so much!

What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should make the first move. He said he likes you, and you said you like him, so go on a date. A real date.

    Text him saying "Would you want to date me?" And if he says yes then ask when and where. By giving him the opportunity to choose the location and time you don't seem demanding. Hopefully all goes well.

    Good luck :)

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    • I'll try to get my nerve up, I'm not normally bold. But I will try. Thank you!

    • Clearly neither is he lol. But you have to take chances if you want to get anywhere. I know it's hard, but it's worth it, trust me.

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