*sigh* A friend of mine is having troubles with her boyfriend. They've been dating for 5 months and he does not take her out on dates. they don't go out to dinners, movies, they primarily hang out at each others houses or go to each others houses. I tried to tell her when their first date was a house date, but she went out with him anyway. Now she's upset when she sees other girls getting wined and dined and he's Mr Homebody. Is there any excuse for this? She gives him regular sex, goes out of her way to see him, spends up gas money and ole boy can't even take her to Red Lobster? GIRLS: Would you date a guy like this? With me he would not have even gotten past the first date let alone a nearly half a year relationship, I just think that's inexcusable and pathetic lol GUYS: Why would a guy not go on dates with a woman he is dating?
Would you go out with a guy who did not take you out?
What Guys Said 4
"She gives him regular sex."
I can't tell you how much of a societal problem this statement is. We act like women have no libido or don't want sex, but instead use it as a bargaining chip, or as "punishment/reward."
If "she gives him regular sex" does he not "give her regular sex" as well?
"She sees other girls getting wined and dined."
Really? Because a man's value as a boyfriend is *totally* in how much money he shells out for her. You should be lucky women aren't judged by the same means.
"She goes out of her way to see him."
Okay, that is pretty cool. If he isn't going out of his way in return, she should bring that up, because if one party is expecting the other party to come to THEM, it's disrespectful. Just as disrespectful as expecting him to take her out and pay the tab regularly.
If they DO go out of their way to see each other, then he really doesn't "owe" her anything. A girl making an effort to reciprocate is is a balanced relationship, not a special girl. (As the same would apply for men, in the case of this guy not leaving his home for her.)
Or to reword it again: Reciporication is not special treatment. It is conducive to an egalitarian relationship.
-"You paid for my meal. Next time, I'll pay for yours, but then you'll owe ME something for actually putting the same effort in."
-"I GAVE you sex. You owe me something."
That is not a healthy attitude towards a relationship, and especially not to sexuality.
So I would talk to the two of them and see what's going on. I don't like tallying up "who owes whom", but you'll have to check to see if:
-he also goes out of his way to see her.
-She enjoys the sex.
And if these things are imbalanced, you fix THESE THINGS. In other words, if she doesn't enjoy the sex, she needs to talk about what she's looking for. SHe shouldn't just put up with it, then say "Now you owe me free food."3
How are they "dating" if "he does not take her out on dates"? Sounds like hooking up, not dating.
If she was happy with the situation, then they are both getting what they want. But you say she is upset seeing other girls getting real dates. Has she told him anything that she would like to do with him? Ha she suggested a movie, dinner, or anything. If money is a problem, he could take her for walks, picnics, perhaps a drive to the beach.
But SHE needs to be the one complaining, talking, asking, whatever. If she will not do so, then there is nothing you can do for her, so, really, don't worry about it. It is her life.1
You make it sound like more of a unfair business transaction where one party is exploiting other :P
Have your friend asked the guy, why he does not take her out? What problem does he have in that, or is that just a preference?
They should be having this conversation - not all of us here. :D1
Sounds like he's living the dream honestly, taking girls out to places they like and we really don't care about once a week is a hassle more than anything.
But I do understand your point of view, I wouldn't even dream of not taking a Girlfriend places0
What Girls Said 5
Sorry to say but it is her own fault. She never communicated or showed him how she wanted to be treated. She also sounds way too accomodating and passive. As for myself? No but mostly because it sounds boring.3
Did she outright tell him she wanted to go out?
Tbh I wouldn't date someone like that..the guy would just seem lazy
and shady too...why can't he be seen out with her? Is he hiding something?1
Hey, hey , hey, hey, hey...maybe he's broke or is trying to save. Well maybe that is who she is and sometimes a change is nice. I believe if she seriously has a problem with the I mean she knew how he was and how he acted and such. Maybe she just needs to tell him or ask him? nicely. lol. I can see if he's trying to save money or he doesn't have any due to bills but I do believe you can take your girlfriend out once in a while or do something like go for walks or do things that don't cost much to spice it up. =/ Ooooorrr he could be embarrassed or just lazy. Could be for any reason.1
You act like he's being a terrible guy. He's just a homebody likes being at home. I've never dated one but I would not have a problem with him not getting out much. Mainly because I get out on my own. And if I had ever gotten tired of home dates then I would break up with him. Anyway just kind of standing up for homebody strangers everywhere, its not a pathetic way to live.3
I made that mistake before -- I didn't care about being taken out, and have him spending money on me, just a simple trip to the park, or beach would completely satisfy me. The fact that he never suggested we go out almost made me feel like he was embarrassed to be seen with me in public.1
Select as Most Helpful Opinion?
You cannot undo this action. The opinion owner is going to be notified and earn 7 XPER points.