Why do some guys prefer sex before dating?

Meaning why do some guys have sex with a girl & then get to know her?

Why not get to know her first?

Updates:
& the girls that do give into it have the nerve to call the guy a "player" when he doesn't want to talk to her anymore afterward. If you didn't want that to happen then, you should've stood your ground!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Good question. Mostly because most guys have just sex on their mind I initially and constantly and/or they aren't interested in building a relationship of some sort. I however can't do that. I have to get to know a girl very well before I have sex with her. Anywhere between 1.5-2 months of us spending lots of time together and getting to know each other before we jump into sex, makes both of us really comfortable.

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What Guys Said 22

  • - Some (most?) of these guys really just want sex, and don't have feelings for the girl or don't really want to date her. And if sex is all he really wants, then waiting makes no sense to him, and is just a hassle to him.

    - A few guys are concerned that they won't be sexually compatible with the girl, but unless the girl is VERY inexperienced, this is probably something that can be figured out by talking about it. I mean, this concern has a BIT of legitimacy, but IMO not enough that the girl should compromise over.

    - In nearly all cases, the guy is horny in general, and even more so around a girl he is interested in and/or messing around with, and so he'd like to have sex as soon as possible. That doesn't mean it's a good idea (even many guys agree that it isn't), but that doesn't make the DESIRE to have sex quickly go away.

    Also keep in mind that many guys may push a girl for sex earlier, and if she gives in and has sex outside of a relationship, they mentally take her out of the "possible girlfriend' category and put her into the "FWB"/"sex buddy" category, because they assume she has sex with OTHER guys outside of a relationship, and thus isn't "girlfriend material", even if he thought she was at the beginning. Is this fair? Of course not, but it HAPPENS, a LOT, so it's something girls should be aware of.

    Bottom line: most girls should not have sex outside of relationships, and they should make that rule clearly known to the guys they date from the very beginning. It's the only safe move for the girl.

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    • -True for some. Not for most, from what I can tell.

      -Sexual compatibility is an issue and discussing sexual preferences before having sex, unfortunately, will kill attraction. It's much better to discover rather than discuss.

      -True.

      -Nobody in their right mind would decide a woman was not girlfriend material because she decided to have sex with him. I don't think this happens a lot.

      -I call BS. The only way that this is an advantage is if the woman wants a prude.

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    • Hmm, you know that actually wouldn't be a bad way to go about it for some, specifically for women that keep attracting bad men. So long as it remains an unspoken rule I can see it fixing that problem. She'd have to work a bit harder to reel him in for sure, but at least she'd stop getting hurt, as you said.

    • And I guess for those that have problems with being clingy and scaring men away they probably shouldn't be dating anybody anyway until they can learn how to stop being clingy.

      Allright guy, for those that are having the problems you've mentioned, this actually isn't bad advice.

  • Sex locks me into that specific woman, everything else just gets me placed into the friend zone. I already have 834,907 of those but none have led to sex. Sex commits me and unlocks the barriers that women put up on me. If she's willing to go that far with me when she could have chosen some other younger, hotter, wealthier white guy(or whatever), this means either she's easy or she is truly into me. I'm not talking about sex workers or one-nighters, whole different argument there.

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  • Cause they first concern themselves with getting laid, then concern themselves with relationships. I personally disagree with that manner of thinking, but I can't say I see them as bad people, just lacking a little self-control. Also I want to tell you how much I appreciate that you put "some guys" and not just "guys". I am not like that so thank you for acknowledging my existence. :)

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    • I only did because I didn't want to hear anyone say "Oh you just putting all guys in one big category not all guys are like that"

    • guys who have sex more often lack a little self control is like saying guys who don't rush sex are a little lazy

  • Thank you for "some guys" and not "most" or "all".

    I think it boils down to what is more important to the guy: the girl or the sex. By the way, the same type of thing exists from the opposite side. Lots of girls go after the sex first (or only).

    You have received lots of answers from all over the spectrum. Some make me laugh. Others would be laughable if they were not true and pathetic at the same time.

    Like all subjects, there are different reasons, but some on here believe their "truth" is the only truth - "the guys saying that they wouldn't or don't are not being honest with themselves & are trying to live in some bs disney fantasy land" And that crap actually got a couple of up arrows, which shows that others feel the same way.

    MrOracle probably put it pretty well, which obviously nailed some guys right on so they had to down arrow him.

    There is also a middle ground answer: some guys may get to know some girls first then go for the sex, yet go straight for the sex with others. That probably is dependent on whether they see any relationship future with her. If not, go for the sex.

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  • I never did.

    If I was single again I would.

    Too many relationships where the sex was a problem, vs looking back at (not full sex) hookups that should have gone further.

    I realize that might mean walking away from great women where things might work out, but I just wouldn't be willing to trust that the sex would work out.

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  • The getting to know part comes after sex. I mean think about it, what are you gonna talk about after sex?

    The best comparison I can give you is this: The getting to know part is like the resolution and the summary of a story lol.

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  • I prefer sex whenever the moment calls for it. That varies from person to person.

    IMO, if a guy prefers sex first then he really doesn't care about her personality too much. But that doesn't necessarily mean the relationship won't pan out.

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  • Because at least then you can't get friend zoned. Being friend zoned is just another form of rejection. We don't like rejection. Also, guys prefer to express themselves physically as opposed to verbally or emotionally. Sex is the ultimate form of physical intimacy.

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    • Do guys only get hurt when they're hurt by the girl they like or wanna get with?

    • No, but it hits closer to home when it's a girl we like.

  • For me personally, this is not intentional. Most of the time it just sort of happens that way. Every time I've personally decided to hold off on the sex... nothing else happens, as in I back off and so does she, then neither of us is interested anymore (sort of like auto friend-zoning or something).

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    • On the flip, getting to know somebody sexually helps to get me to relax. I more easily open up to her and more easily want to trust her. I'm not particularly sure why, but it's much easier for me to understand and predict the emotional responses of a woman after sleeping She becomes easier to read, which in turn speeds up the process for getting to know her.

      What "does" suck is when you really like her sexually... but can't stand her as a person... makes you feel like an a**hole...

    • Then you shouldn't be having sex with her.

    • Yes, we agree on this.

      Often times people put on a front that is very likable. This doesn't happen frequently for me (only happened twice). In both of these cases she was very aggressive.

  • I never dated in High School. I'd rather start off as friends and let the magic go from there. I suppose, maybe some guys will feel a connection to a person if they've slept with them first, but idk. I wouldn't count on most guys being like that, though.

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  • That's the guys who are not interested in a real relationship unfortantley

    and believe it or not I'm a 44 year old virgin and not ready to give myself

    until God sends married life to me

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    • I'm surprised...so there IS over 40 year old virgins lol. Only joking! :)

      No seriously I think it's not God who decides to send married life to you...it's YOU who decides when to have a married life! Until you do and have this conviction within yourself that you feel and it's time to have a relationship...it won't manifest, believe me. Heard of the Law of Attraction? It works! I know because I've seen it happen myself. The moment you change the way you think and feel, your reality changes..

    • Awe its all cool

  • Because they they're horny.

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  • maybe she wanted to have sex too, I mean, he didn't rape her, so...

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    • But he stills think about sex in his mind

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    • Yeah, but she wouldn't agree to it if he wasn't pressuring her.

    • maybe she would have. there's girls out there that are just as assertive as any guy.

  • That way if they don't "click" he at least got some from her

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  • It depends on the guy. Trust me in reality, I rather get to know her first.

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  • yeah well, guys want sex; girls want commitment. There is normally compromise in between, but ideally for a guy he just want sex. The outcome is normally give and take in between, but evidently doesn't have to be so from your observations.

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  • seems like that would take a bit longer, no?

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  • Same reason females do...sex

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  • Maybe they don't want to get friend zoned. Maybe they want to *know* that the girl is interested and has *skin in the game* so to say before going through the work.

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  • Uhhh, why would a girl give sex before dating? Why not get to know 'him' first?

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  • cause during sex you can find a girl more honest than ever :P

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  • so the real answer for the real world is because it gets it out of the way and you both know if you want to 'date' without having to worry that sex is the only thing you are dating for... it takes pressure off both of you. its not like the girl isn't willing. the guys saying that they wouldn't or don't are not being honest with themselves & are trying to live in some bs disney fantasy land

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    • The real world is a club scene 24/7.

    • real world is not living in this bs that is all over the place here about people waiting until marriage (unless theyre a "slut") and the guys that try to friend their way in to some internet p**** by just agreeing with a perceived opinion of any girl on here.

    • and yes...there are glowsticks and X everywhere in the real world lol

What Girls Said 6

  • He so horny

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  • I agree I think every guy should get to know the girl first that way you both know what your getting in to. Why they do it not sure some guys just care about sex above all else.

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  • They might just be into the sex and just get to know her if that is what she wants to seem like he really does care or he might just turn into a fwb. I wouldn't really want to go that route but I guess that's the chick view hahahah and guys would probably want that first =/ not all guys but I'd think a lot of em. hahaha. I believe its better if he gets to know you before x

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  • The answer is: because she agrees to have sex with them before knowing them. Simple.

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  • Sex before we start dating? You've got to be kidding me.

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  • Because she opened her legs for him

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