Why do some people use so many "tricks" and "strategies" in dating instead of being honest and natural?

I find SO MUCH dating advice on the internet to be focused on strategies and trickery, such as:

*playing "hard to get" (aka, not responding to the other person right away)

*being "cocky and funny" to stir her emotions and spark attraction

*not to give him/her too much attention so she knows you have options"

*wait until the 3rd date, or x amount of months, to be sexual

*etc.

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No wonder so many people find dating a chore. There's so much "is this really his/her personality or is this some strategy" to weave through.

Let's be honest; almost all of you reading this has been through this, and this is emotionally exhausting. :-X

My question is...why do you think so many people are into doing all this "tricks" and "strategies" instead of just being themselves and allowing things to unfold naturally between that person and the one they're seeing?

Be as detailed as you please in your response. Go anonymous if you feel you need the protection to open up fully.

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P.S. Feel free to guess the Pokemon! :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There IS lots of dating advice out there that seem to use "strategies" so to speak. I've seen some "dating expert/pickup artists" out there that do teach some fairly manipulative things. There are also guys (and some women) who have done the work and figured out how attraction works. I think that's what it's all about. Understanding how attraction works for the opposite gender and then putting your best foot forward. Understanding your role and responsibilities. Not being manipulative, or ingenuine, but cultivating and bringing out certain sides of yourself that the opposite gender will find attractive.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I think a lot the "tricks" tend to work for some people. There are a few in there that I've seen actually work. I will be honest and open up fully and say that I do not give a guy a lot of attention during the first couple weeks of dating. Or more specifically I will give you the same amount of attention that you are showing me. If I call or text and it takes you days/weeks to respond then trust and believe that I will not make an effort to reply to you in future communications. This is because of the issues I've had in the past of being really into someone and making a solid effort in showing them that I like what I see and I want to get to know more. Those times my effort was not returned and or the guy made it clear that he was not interested in anything more than a quick roll in the hay. Showing less excitement has actually given me better results dating. I know crazy right?! But that is my experience. I don't know if the cold shoulder thing is proving that yes I have a life outside of trying to get to know you better.

    Now as far as the waiting game for sexual contact I am sort of torn about this. I am of the mindset that when you want something you should get it without any worries about what other people think. But again my past experience has taught me that there are a large number of men who do look at you different if you sleep with them within the first couple dates. Maybe its them thinking that you've got whorish tendencies? I don't know; but it has happened. In Steve Harvey's dating guide (which I've never read and never plan on reading), he tells women to wait 90 days to give it up. Is holding out a trick? Maybe not if it's getting you the desired result that you're looking for.

    Dating is like a long drawn out interview for the big job. And just like job interviews there are always strategies that have been proven to work time and time again. The issue for me comes into play when the tricks and strategies are used in a deceptive manner. Naturally we are all afraid on some level about dating. Getting a few helpful tips isn't a bad thing.

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    • Are you sure about that 90 day thing? Because that's terrible advice lol.

    • @ReeksofStatus...LOL Yes I know...sounds ghastly doesn't it. 90 Days?!?! But he swears by it; something about a man respecting you more. He likens it to the probation period that an employer uses. See for yourself.

    • I think he just recently wrote that book. I haven't read the book, or seen the movie, but let's wait and see the feedback from women over the next couple of years or so. That'll show whether or not his advice works. From what you've said about it, sounds like there are way better resources out their for women. Looks like I'm going to have to skim his book to see how he's sabotaging women lol.

  • waiting till the 3rd that is so women dnt be labeled as hoes from the guy or seem easy. but I dnt worry about that.

    and I wonder the same thing! its mind blowing. so many pple play games and hide stuff from one another.

    me and my guy talk about the same thing pretty often and were just glad we don't have to do those things wer always honest and we dnt judge each other.

    to us it seems pointless and time consuming to figure to do these things

    bulbasaur!

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  • I wanna be the very best

    Like no one ever was

    To catch them is my real test

    To train them is my cause

    I will travel across the land

    Searching far and wide

    Each Pokémon to understand

    The power that's inside

    Pokémon...it's you and me

    I know it's my destiny

    Pokémon...ooh, you're my best friend

    In a world we must defend

    Pokémon...a heart so true

    Our courage will pull us through

    You teach me, and I'll teach you

    Pokémon

    Gotta catch 'em

    Gotta catch 'em

    Gotta catch 'em all!

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What Guys Said 5

  • People are conditioned from a young age to look at dating like a big game, complete with rules, fair-play approaches, and supposedly winning strategies. And in my experience, when you're dealing with someone who gave into that school of thought, then yes it's best to follow the rules. But when you're dealing with someone who doesn't follow the "dating is a game" school of thought, then following those pre-established rules and strategies rather than being honest will only work against you.

    Personally I don't believe in the game philosophy behind it all because by following pre-established protocols and rules about the whole process because it eliminates the main driving reason behind being so picky in your search for a mate: COMPATIBILITY. When everyone follows the same rules and practices in their approach to dating, how in the hell are you supposed to find out whether or not this person as an individual is compatible with you?

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    • IMO if you had to use tricks and tactics to get the girl, then it's not gonna work out for long anyway.

  • Ivysaur! Also because they're desperate to learn *something* that could help them out just so they don't have to realize that their current personality and lack of empathy is their problem. It's a way of coping with who they are, it's easier to shift the blames and think you just didn't learn how to handle the situation right instead of handling other people right in general.

    That's my number #1 intuitive guess, anyways.

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  • For 99% of guys...being natural leads to failure. Love is negotiable...therefore its smart to have strategies to attract and keep a girl. Also...girls do not have control over their own interest level. Early on..guys do or say things which cause girls interest levels to drop. Being smart, and having a plan is a smart way for a guy to get his foot in the door...and raise the girls interest level...until he marries her...and turns back into an idiot...lol

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  • Because, a lot of those things actually do tend to make it seem more exciting or at least keep you guessing. There's nothing wrong with a flatout genuine relationship but I think many women find it boring pretty fast. I'm not even going to because I already know the pokemon.

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  • Bulbasaur! Awww I'm so lame lol

    I think because people are afraid to be themselves and get denied. But you are totally right, sad panda is sad :(

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