In the dating world do singles lose dating value once they have kids?

In the dating world do singles lose dating value once they have kids?

  • No not to me/ it's becoming the Norm
    17% (2)7% (2)10% (4)Vote
  • Yes they are not considered IDEAL for many
    75% (9)89% (24)85% (33)Vote
  • Neutral/ Either Love it or Shove it!
    8% (1)4% (1)5% (2)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Of course.

    I'm not being cruel, just truthful and obviously so.

    A person who is single is ONE person, and they have only themselves to consider. Aside from work obligations, they can go where they want, when they want, and they aren't tied down to anything.

    When a single person has a child, all dating considerations have to be filtered through the needs of that child. No babysitter? Can't go. Want to go away for the week as a couple? Can't be away from the kid that long. Want to have wild sex in the kitchen? Can't, the kid is around. I could go on, but you get the idea.

    Then there are the parenting issues. If two people who are dating have different ideas about parenting, that can create a LOT of tension between them that wouldn't exist with no child.

    Finally, many people simply don't want to have an instant family. They want to DATE and do "single" types of things and not have to worry about "family" issues.

    That doesn't mean it's impossible for single parents to date, but you have to be kidding yourself to think it doesn't make things more difficult and complicated, and that it doesn't exclude you from dating a chunk of people who simply don't want to deal with all of that.

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    • excellent answer! as I told another commenter I am actually in a similar situation. My boyfriend has a son but for now I am LUCKY he doesn't live with us! We wine & dine quite often & have wild freaky sex anytime /anyplace in our large home. I have told him I never intend to be a mother

What Guys Said 10

  • They do at younger ages, but then as they get older they start to gain some of it back. Maybe not all of it, but certainly some.

    When I was in my early 20s, I'd not think of dating a girl who had kids. As I got older, values began to change as well as the dating pool shrinking for those without kids. Now at 30, I honestly do not care if a girl has kids already, as long as it isn't from multiple partners - for example a girl with 3 kids from 3 fathers. I would not date her. I've changed to the point that before, I'd not date a girl with kids to now my ex girlfriend had a son, and the girl I'm currently talking to and going out with from time to time has 2 sons from a marriage.

    I think that's the case for a lot of people with kids. The younger they are, the less dating value they have, but then people mature and they start to have a similar attitude toward people with kids that I do. Some people will not date someone with kids still, so there is some lost value, but my perception is it's less of an issue than in the past both for me as well as society.

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  • I have a good example on why it does. I'm 20 years old and for some reason the three girls I would have went out with even at my young age had kids already. I turned all of them down. One of them knew I had just got a job. even though she asked me out on a date and was really friendly about it, I basically heard can you be my new boyfriend and my new back up plan. I knew her before she got pregnant from the no good (Bad Boy) type. she lost her value because of that.

    If she was my girl and the kid was ours it would have been a whole different story. The kid would be my responsibility and so would she. I'm a man so I would be what they call the bread runner. I would be buying pampers cribs, strollers, I have my own place with two rooms, so it would have its own room. But I told her no because I feel like I rather have a woman rushed to the hospital and labor birthing my child in this world rather than putting some jail birds egg in my nest lol.

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  • I'm sorry if this offends some people, but yes they do.

    On the one hand, I don't want to be with another guy's kids, I want my own kids, eventually.

    On the other, I'm interested in her, usually not her kids, and they would feel at the start like an extra, especially if I didn't like them or more likely they didn't like me.

    Also in my more specific case, I'm not ready for kids.

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  • Well, in the sex would is someone who has aids and refuses to use protection ideal?

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  • definitely, especially girls with kids.

    some girls actually like guys that have kids or A kid.

    a good example would be this girl at my school, she's beautiful, always looks good, seems like a nice girl too, but because she has a kid, she's single.

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  • B is obvious.

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  • eSure. Don't want kids with someone I barely know in the first place.

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  • Yes, I am in that situation and lost my wife two years ago. She was just 36. I have two kids and yes, I think women would be scared of me.

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  • As long as you haven't turned into Saggy Naggy.

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  • Yeah, not really keen on raising someone else's kids...

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    • I stand in total agreement with you. Eventually they want you to help babysit, share, buy them stuff they expect your full support but don't want you to ever dicipline them when they step out of line

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    • ok but key word MIGHT. Trust & believe easier said than done

    • Exactly, MIGHT. I was meant to capitalize that word.

What Girls Said 4

  • I think it depends on the age of the other person and their stage of their life at the time they meet you.

    If you meet a guy who is around the same age as you or older and has kids himself, it might not be a problem. However, if you meet a guy who is the same age as you or younger and without kids then yes it could be a problem. There are always exceptions, but I don't think you are doomed in the dating world for having kids.

    It might be harder, but I think that you just have to be open minded and try new things. Open your social circle up, try to get out when you can and meet new people. Always be honest, because no one likes a liar. But just keep in mind the guys that don't want you for having kids were not the best matches for you anyway. You want a guy who is cool with your kids and cool with you being a mom and who likes you for you anyway.

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  • Yes, kids are pretty much a walking, breathing, living banner for future marriage and parental responsibilities. I've only known very very few younger 20 something year olds, who got involved with another 20 something year old who already had children. I think it's a bit more common the older people get, as people start considering more about having a family if that's the destiny they choose.

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  • People probably don't want to "take on a child" and perhaps become a parent so instantaneously if the relationship goes well, but on the other hand sometimes you choose who you fall for. I myself don't care.

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  • well yes obviously its not the desired situation because its extra baggage, its a way bigger risk and commitment dating someone who has kids, especially when you don't have kids of your own. You know going in that its going to be a lot harder of a relationship to navigate so most people would rather avoid that situation altogether.

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    • Yeah you can say that again- I am going through that at the present. But fortunately his spoiled, unappreciative corn fed (really obese) boy doesn't live with US!

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    • you shouldn't be so quick to jump on the defense. But who am I kidding you come off as the typical self righteous chick who misjudges to swifly. I am STATING FACTS. He is CORN FED, SPOILED, UNAPPRECIATIVE & QUITE OBESE! I like him, I teach him values, manners, help with hmewrk, feed him healthier foods, encourage him to be more active, I do more for him then his alcoholic egg donor ever has. She quickly handed him over to his grandmom- You downer debbie,why dnt you just shove it!

    • Im self righteous and a downer debbie? (whatever that is), but your a person who insults children for things that are not their fault, if he is those things its because of how he was raised, maybe you should blame your boyfriend for it. You seem pretty judgmental yourself. I wasn't even trying to insult you I was just surprised by your blatant crudeness and disdain for this kid.

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