If a guy pays does that make it a date?

So I went with my guy friend, to get food and bowling and he paid for everything. Since he paid does that make it a date and I do not want to ask him just yet because I do not want to ruin our friendship. I am so confused.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Simple answer: It's a date if you want it to be a date.

    Put yourself in his shoes. If you're not certain whether it was a date or not, then he can't be either. And if there's a chance it's a date, it's much safer for him to offer to pay than to not pay.

    It's really annoying actually to have a girl assume you're expecting something from her just because you paid for her dinner or whatever. Like...imagine you're having a really good time with a girl, and it's obvious she's also having a good time, right up to the point where you offer to pay the bill. She lets you pay, but suddenly she starts acting awkward around you, and gets all weird like everything has changed. Like this one simple thing has suddenly changed the entire way she sees you. But if it's such a big deal, she should have never let you pay to begin with.

    I've never ever forced a girl to let me pay if she's not comfortable with that. But still, awkwardness ensues. It's like, she's probably thinking, "Oh maybe this is a date so I should let him pay...but wait, I didn't really want this to be a date, so now what do I do?" That's a no-win situation right there.

    See what I'm saying?

    Now, if the guy is a classy gentleman, you really have nothing to worry about. A gentleman is not going to have expectations just because there's some ambiguity in what might have been a date. Hopes perhaps, but not expectations. Only a real idiot or jerk is going to expect that this had to be a date, when he obviously had no reason to be certain of that beforehand. You signed no contract that said you two were going on a date, so relax...

    Now, I'm not going to lie and say that your guy friend doesn't have feelings for you. He probably does, because generosity is one of the telltale signs that a guy has feelings for someone. But feelings are not the same as expectations.

    And anyway, as I'm sure you probably know, feelings are a complex subject...but they don't have to be. Many times I've wondered why people can't just live in the moment, free from the labels we put on our lives. Two people having a good time together should just feel positive about that very fact, and not care about the past or future. Whether they're meant to be together or apart. Friends or lovers. Just let whatever is meant to be actually be, and not worry about it.


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What Guys Said 4

  • If he paid for everything, there is a chance it's a date, yeah. Though, he might just be a generous friend who wants to show you a good time. But I'm leaning toward it possibly being a date. Still, if he didn't say anything about it being one, don't get too excited yet. As for ruining the friendship, you can ask. Don't worry. You can just say to him "so was that a date?", and be casual about it. I mean nothing says it has to get awkward at all, regardless if the answer is yes or no. Just ask casually, react to the answer casually. You don't have to do any of this. I'm just tossing out thoughts. Good luck.

  • probably.

    Do you want to date him?

  • Unless he's paying you back for a favor, yes.

    It's a date.

  • Lol in my country guys must always pay whether it's a date or not.


What Girls Said 1

  • Its only a date if you two have a genuine interest in each other.

    If not, then its just him inviting you out.