Really weird summer, and now I'm stuck. Ethical problem

So this summer I was on a trip where there were plenty of people my age, as well as a couple adults. One of the adults who I have known for almost 5 years, long story short we would hangout every night and cuddle and talk, It started as innocent cuddling until one night he started touching my face, and massaging my side. At that point I sort of held his hand a bit, just trying to get him to stop touching my face. after a few minutes I got up and left. The next day we talked about it a bit and he said he had feelings for me.

I realize not much happened but I still feel so guilty cause I liked it. He is 19 years older then me and is married with 2 kids. I feel like such a bad person.

I never thought I would have "feelings" for a married man twice my age. I feel so weird, and I don't know what to do anymore, I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want anything more to happen, but for some reason I miss the cuddling, and him being my friend. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Well I guess I know I am, but I don't know how to get ride of these feelings.

So I guess my question is what is the right thing to do? Not talk to him anymore?(that's what I'm doing at the moment), Talk to him with no physical contact? or is the sort of cuddling ok?

  • Don't talk to him anymore
    50% (2)100% (5)78% (7)Vote
  • Talk with no physical contact
    25% (1)0% (0)11% (1)Vote
  • Cuddling is ok(nothing else)
    25% (1)0% (0)11% (1)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
First I haven't talked to him in well over a month since he said he had feelings for me, and second we have been friends for almost 5 years, so it's hard to just give up and never talk to him again. I am not the type of person who would let anything else happen, I'm just the sort of person that likes to cuddle. I cuddle with most of my friends including girls, which I guess is why I didn't realize it meant something else to him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to cut off all contact so you can move on. You cannot have your cake and eat it too, because for some reason many people always think you can. You really shouldn't have been cuddling in the first place. I can tell you right now, that is exactly why he got feelings for you. You led him on.

    In a perfect world, he could be your cuddle/conversation buddy and nothing else, but we both know it doesn't work that way. It's usually all or nothing, especially when he's already stated that he likes you.

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    • Update: This platonic cuddling seems to be a common desire amongst women. And I think I know why the disconnect. Women don't' bond through physical contact like men do. They bond through conversation (proven fact, don't feel linking the articles). Since the girl isn't feeling an emotional connection due to the cuddling, she feels there is no foul play going on, little does she know its causing sparks in the guys mind. It literally releases endorphins.

What Guys Said 4

  • 1. Don't talk to him or meet him EVER

    2. Cuddling is out of the question, get yourself cuddled by someone around your age and / or free from any other relationship

    He's probably just sexually attracted to you. you'll do 3 things if you let this continue

    1. You'll land up broken and feeling miserable

    2. You'll probably break up his family

    3. You'll probably leave his children between a broken marriage

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  • Cut it off. There is no excuse for his actions. I get the feeling that he has a use for you. You don't want to go down that road, and it is definitely not okay to cuddle with a guy that is married with kids. No matter what story he gives you. I'm a former villain, I know how this game is played. Cut it off...totally.

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  • The right thing to do in my opinion is forget about it. Do it for his family, not yourself.

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    • Thats what I've been doing for the past 2 months, I thought I would be over it by now. His family is the reason I feel so bad. I have these conflicting feelings of what's right, and what I want. I never understood how people could be like this until now that I'm experiencing it.

    • Find some nice guy to occupy your thoughts :)

  • Most people can't control their loins anymore, so I expect that you'll be doing it.

    On the part about it being okay or not, if his wife came in and saw you two cuddling, would she be pissed? If you had a boyfriend or husband, would you be okay with him doing that with another girl? Probably not. It's not okay, but again, I don't have high hopes that you will make a proper moral decision in all of this.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Do not allow men so much older than you to take advantage of your youth and innocence. EVER! People weave a tangled web as they age. Do yourself a favor and not fall into it. That is not the direction you want to go. You deserve way more.

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