Asking a girl why she wasn't into you?

So in the last 3 months I've been on dates with 3 different girls. They've all ended about the same, first date appeared to full great, make plans inn second date, and at the last minute something comes up and the date falls through and we basically end up not talking anymore. I'm assuming this means the for wasn't into me and just wanted to let me down without the drama. While rejection sucks, I honestly would much rather them just tell me straight up they're not interested and not even tease me with a second date. Now for my question, after the point where I know it's not going to work, is it OK to ask her why exactly she wasn't interested, just for future dating reference, or does that come off as desperate (something I'm not and definitely don't want to appear as)?

Updates:
Well I guess since the purpose would be for future dating and not too win her back, I shouldn't worry if I come off as desperate.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's different for every girl. Personally, I think that it's interesting that someone would ask.. and I wouldn't mind it so much. HOW they asked, would determine whether or not they're coming off as desperate. If you go "wait wait but why wouldn't you go out with me again?" that's kinda like uhh.. calm down. But if you approached her saying, "I'm not trying to ask you out again or change myself to be what you like, but could you let me know why exactly we didn't work out? Just for my own future references?" some girls might respond well to that, and others might just think it's weird anyways.

    THAT BEING SAID. I don't always think it's necessary anyways (unless you're being rejected ALL THE TIME by EVERY SINGLE GIRL) because as cliche as it sounds, just be yourself, and the right person will like you for what you're doing and who you are.

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What Girls Said 4

  • I find it rude when the guy asks that. I mean, who are you to me that I have to explain what I like/dislike about something? It is none of your business, and even my friends have no business in making me answer why I like/dislike a guy unless I want to tell them myself.

    The fact that she went on a second date with you means she was interested in you to a degree. I wouldn't even go on a date with anyone unless there is something before the date that made me think he has potential.

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  • I could honestly say that most girls would take it as that, but that's because we tend to look at guys like " Really? You don't know what you did wrong?". Its like we want you to figure it out on your own. And if they didn't want a second date, and they kind of beat around the bush, then you definitely won't get a true answer out of them. I would say talk to some of you friends that are "girls".

    Go back and evaluate your dates, because it might not even be you ..it could be them! I would just say don't stop dating because of this..date more. The more experience you have the better the outcome. Plus, if you start to switch up your approach..then you could really be able to tell.. why this or why that. But no don't ask them..ask some one who would tell you the truth. Hope this helped :)

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    • Well no girl is going to affect me enough to make me give up dating, especially after one date. What for me the most was the fact she planned the second date and was very excited about it (almost to the point it was turning me off). Then the next day she cancelled the date and hardly responds to many texts. So obviously something I did during that time turned her off.

    • Then whatever it is ..has to do with her then. If she was that excited...then something did happen, but it may or may not have to do with you. I'm guessing not.

    • i think maybe you should ask .if she was really excited and then not.it seems like their mayb a big miscommunication.it might b resolved and everything will workout.

      and I don't know why it would b a turnoff if a girl is excited to go out with u.woman hav emotion more than men and get excited its natural.as kong as she didn't make it her everyday post on Facebook you shuld relax.

  • Try setting up the second date again with a girl who you felt most comfortable with. If it falls through again, I'd ask her. If she doesn't even agree to a date again, then you've got your opening. Just a "Hey, obviously, this isn't going to work out. But could you let me know why? I hope I didn't offend you or anything."

    If the girl is decent at all, she'll be honest with you.

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  • Just don't. It comes off as totally desperate. On date one you can somehow lightly mention how you're not looking to waste anyone's time and prefer honesty... just don't make it sound like you're thinking too ahead-- it's possible

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What Guys Said 4

  • You should but unfortunatelly women are cowards and they won't tell you what was wrong with you in the first place. A few will, but most won't.

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  • I agree man... all these girls do is string you along...

    I've only had one girl (out of like maybe 7 or 8) flat out tell me that she's no longer interested... and guess what? I respected her MASSIVELY because of it! I didn't pry any further into why she didn't want to see... but I really appreciated her being honest with me.

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  • i would love constructive criticism like that, so I know what not to do again in the future

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  • Good question. I honestly don't know how girls would view this. The fact that they avoided the drama of a let down, may mean that they are not comfortable being brutally honest with you about whatever flaws they perceived you to have.

    I tried this once, and once only, with a girl. She simply said I was too fat for her. Which, if you knew me, and had seen her, would be hilarious.

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