Girls have caused me nothing but grief, considering giving up

A few years ago, I resolved to get better at meeting and talking to girls and asking them out. I used to be really quiet and shy growing up and even through college. But gradually I improved my social skills to the point where people meeting me for the first time automatically assume I'm outgoing. I realized I can be funny and this has made me more liked.

And yet, inside, I remain the quiet guy. The hobbies I have are all personal and quiet (writing, reading). As such, I'm still most comfortable when I'm by myself.

Now, I have improved with girls. I can flirt and tease. However, I still haven't gotten a girlfriend; all I have to show for my progress is two mediocre dates. I haven't truly run into a girl I really, really like yet and so far have asked out girls mainly for practice, but those two I went on dates on I actually did like. However, those dates were highly stressful for me and when I was done with them, I realized I didn't even like the girl that much. And yet, I'd still pursue her because for some insane reason I keep thinking I can get practice by trying different skills/responses/etc.

But this has given me nothing but unhappiness. Thinking about a girl, wondering if she cares about you (and she doesn't). It's just a futile exercise. It detracts from the stuff I'm truly interested in, my hobbies, and even those I haven't found fun lately because I'm just thinking about the girls. I'm considering just giving up and taking away from this the social skills I learned and just going back and becoming a hermit and doing my own stuff again. Does that make sense?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • relationships are bs really. they have never worked at least for me. can't turn a hoe into a house wife is what I learned. plus there's nobody decent in my area or in my age group any way, theyre too busy destroying their lungs and livers to give a sh*t about anything else. they never work out, my past 2 exs were turned out to be ho bags and cheated. so I've pretty much convinced myself that any girl I meet, history will just repeat itself. iam much too interested on what's going on in my life anyway to even try this again. too much wasted time and energy. iam not going to do a song and dance for some f***ing skank everyday so she doesn't get bored and jump on some bums d*** while my back is turned. my heart is locked away and the key has been forever lost. in the end theyll get bored and go f*** somebody else just for fun any way. better off alone man. not even as bad as people make it out to be. just because maybe theyre just too sad and pathetic to enjoy their own company. I can do anything I want whenever I choose. iam my own man, not going to let some dame slow me down, or question the things I want to do, because that's just too much bs for me.

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    • yeah, I don't understand what's so bad about being single. I've known people who can't stand the thought of it and HAVE to be in a relationship. That's kind of sad.

What Girls Said 2

  • Yes it does. First of all, good job at getting out of your comfort zone and for having the guts to ask girls out, not enough guys do that in my opinion.

    So, I'm an introvert as well, hanging out with people can be fun, but if left to my own devices I would prefer to read a book. So right now I would say take a break, work on what you want to, don't try to force something to happen. Don't give up, just step back, take a breather de-stress. I have found happiness in all other aspects of my life when I focused on becoming the best version of myself that I could possibly be.

    It's hard to find someone with sticking power when you are over-thinking. So I would take time to get back to myself. You say that you're a writer, NaNoWriMo is coming up, write that novel that you have been wanting to get done. Focus on the things that make you happy, work at becoming your best and all will fall into place...eventually. :)

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    • Yup, NaNoWriMo. Funny how just thinking about that gives me more happiness than those two girls ever did.

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    • haha, thanks for checking up on me. I'm still not completely over this, but I'm better.

      It was good! I hit 50K. How did yours go?

    • Oh mine died at 11K I'm still a student and November just had too much stuff going on for me to do anything extra. I'm going to try to do it in January when I have a lot of free time.

  • Um no do not give up, just set girls to the side and one WILL come around.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Definitely makes sense. I have done the same exact thing- I was wanting to be with someone very badly, found myself hoping to find anyone. I gave up, found other things in life that would make me happy, and sorta accepted that I was alone, but that was alright with me. After I did all that, I started really feeling like I know who I am, and a girl saw that, and she took initiative and everything and now we are dating.

    Do what you need to do, and worry about yourself. It all works out

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    • yeah, I've noticed if a girl really likes you, she WILL take initiative. That's happened to me twice in the past. Unfortunately, I had zero social skills, so I didn't do anything. At least now I'll jump on it.

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