Help me communicate without looking desperate

Been dating this guy for awhile... on Monday we slept together for the first time (neither of us are virgins) - but we both Haven't had sex in about a year... he has never had a girlfriend. My question is: We spent all of Tuesday together and then I said I would come over today and he said he was busy with assignments and his away for the weekend... I want to have a relationship with this guy so I guess where do I go from here I will see him Sunday but do I contact him or wait for him to contact me? if he doesn't contact me should I contact him?

My dilemma is that he sucks at communicating but I don't want to be annoying and messaging him all the time. How could a girl go from dating (for a good 3 months but been kissing when out for over a year) to a relationship with someone who seems really fun and out going to settle down?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Find out what he really wants.

    What is he looking for? Someone to spend time with (no strings attached) or a relationship?

    In order to really know the answer to your question, you have to ask him.

    You cannot make someone want to involve themself if they have no means to. All you can do is find out if he wants the same thing.

    I suggest the next time you two meet, display a reasonable amount of affection but do not have intercourse with him.

    Wait until he contacts you for your upcoming date.

    If he does not call, you call and ask , "Are we still on?"

    To make yourself not seem desperate in this situation. You have to continue to show

    your interest in him and allow him to show his. Meaning, do not call him all of the time or text. Let him do so has well. If someone is really interested in you, they will be able to spare a minute just to contact you (without you having to be the intiator all of the time)

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What Guys Said 2

  • At this point, a little casual texting wouldn't hurt. Try it around lunch or in the evening when you think he might be less busy, as most sensible guys don't like to be texted at work or at school. This will let him know that you're still thinking about him without seeming overbearing. Even if he doesn't respond, having you say 'Thinking of You' or some such message at lunch will probably make him feel loved.

    If you're at the point where you're comfortable seeing each other naked, you shouldn't have really deep concerns about whether or not you should contact him; you should. I can guarantee you that not texting him will come across as odd; even if your texting does annoy him, having you be silent all weekend could make him outright cold.

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    • Thankyou, yes I have had no problem contacting him in the past but because we have slept together I don't want to be seen as overly keen for a relationship or a booty call so I'm trying to find the inbetween! I just feel as tho I'm always organising for us to meet :( and I want him to but he just is not an organiser :( thankyou for your advice!

    • Well that's fine, at least ONE of you has to try and initiate times where you see each other. Speaking from personal experience, guys tend to not realize that being the one to initiate arranging a meeting can be a very loving expression of interest. As for seeming overly keen on a relationship, by my reckoning you're already in one whether that's what you call it or not.

  • Worry less about scaring him off. You're not moving too fast. If he doesn't want a relationship, its not going to be because you texted him too soon. Its because he doesn't want one, period.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You have to let him process.. men pull back and process hwo they are feeling.. the best thing you can do is actually act like nothing has changed.. lik eit was no big deal.. it will drive him CRAZY and he will chase you!

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