Christians of GAG: Do you think there is an anti-dating culture within our faith?

I've been talking with some of my friends from college about this. Some of them think that to one extent or another, there is an anti-dating culture. Others, not so much. A few months ago, I read a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye and read some reviews about it. Some people seem to think there is an anti-dating environment within Christianity. Personally, I can understand how people may see it, but I wonder if it's mostly in pockets. Have you read/heard of this book and what has your experience been?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I actually just read that book! Lol I think there is definitely many good reasons not to date but I am certainly not against it if the people involved are responsible and understand the importance of a relationship. I'm almost 17 and have no interest whatsoever in dating because at the moment I'm very focused on school and sports, but I have some close friends around my age who are dating and because of their strong faith and moral values I see nothing wrong with it and I believe they have potential to stay with each other and get married. I think it really depend on why you're dating that determines if its wrong or right.

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    • I agree with what you said about responsibility and understanding what the point of a relationship is. Joshua Harris made a few points like that in the book, but aside from those and a large part of one chapter, I disagree with him almost entirely.

What Girls Said 3

  • I've heard of that book, but have never read it. I think there is an anti-dating culture in Christianity. My own parents have said they want me to court , but not date. I personally want to do a mix of both. At this point in my life, I'm not wanting a relationship. I agree a lot with @swimmerchik said.

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  • I'm super sorry if this makes me seem like I'm butting in because I'm a current atheist (not an anti-theist), but when I was 12-15 years old, I got reeeeally into the culture you're talking about. I don't think the entire faith is anti-dating, but there's definitely a "subculture" within it that is. There seems to be different viewpoints of Christians, reflected in books for teens:

    1. Dating is a natural part of life and it's necessary to find the right one for you. Just be careful about staying pure.

    2. Dating isn't necessary to find the right one for you, people can start out as friends and jump right into a serious relationship or even marriage.

    3. Relationships are altogether pointless (or at least not important compared to other pursuits) unless it's a relationship with Jesus.

    I personally think it's up to the individual; if one person feels like #3 is the most fulfilling thing for them, then that's their business. It does get iffy when only ONE viewpoint is shown to teens as the objectively right one.

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  • no, I don't think so.

    The majority of my friends are Christians and a bunch of them date.

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What Guys Said 4

  • I haven't heard of the book, but it seems silly to think that dating would be something "bad" or discouraged for Christians.

    Sure, it may be difficult given the lifestyles of others with which we shouldn't be getting seriously involved with, but dating is good, it's necessary! God intended for us to find partners, it's just a matter of finding the right people for us.

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  • As a Christian from a *conservative* background?

    I live five miles from Kennesaw State University, so I'm not a hick or redneck... but my parents have hugely demonstrated the 'anti-dating culture' you speak of.

    That, or just, the anti-man culture. Most people realize that when dating, there's a lot of differences than treating a girl like a friend. Game, if you will. They're completely against it, my mom thought *hugging* a girl on the first date was a bit much. (the girl friend-zoned me later.) They think that if you know how to treat a friend or heck, a customer at work, you are fine and don't need to take part in 'this corrupt culture' of learning how to attract girls.

    My parents dragged us to this church in Smyrna that was like for seven frickin years, one step above Amish. (12 kids each family, farmers, etc) They believed 'dating' was wrong, preached against Facebook, the pastor gave a sermon on Father's Day "I pity beautiful women." They believed in "courtship" at that church, where you approach the father first and ask if you may court his daughter...

    So, *insanely* conservative Christians like my parents are anti-dating, and tried to shove it on me and my siblings. But other Christians will have hugely different views. Depends on the person, really. I met a Romanian girl at a Marietta college... she talked a lot about how important her relationship with God was, her prayer life, etc. She also smokes pot and had a bad reputation because "when she met up with a guy friend to give him relationship advice" (according to her) she ended up giving him a bj while she was at it. (according to several people I met at that college.)

    So really, a person saying they're a Christian doesn't mean much more than if I said I moonlight as a bodyguard and carrying a HK USP. Believe them once you see proof.

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  • I don't understand - how are you supposed to find a spouse without dating people?

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  • The lack of being able to get a date or be seen as sexually appealing likely in part of being raised relgious makes me question my faith more than anything. What has being a good person done for me in my life? Not much. Everyone else that behaves like the scum of society gets to have all the fun and attention from the opposite gender when I am lucky to even get an average girls attention, much less a hot girl.

    Being moral and true sucks. It hasn't been worth these years of lonliness and depression. Why would God allow me to be subjected to this if I'm living as moral of a life as I can and try to set an example?

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