Am I right to feel disrespected for her behavior? She showed up late, talked about her ex, among other things

Asked this girl out because I liked her a lot and it seemed like she liked me. She didn't give me answer right away, which automatically lowered my expectations/interest. In fact, she got back to me on the day I had asked her out for, but since I'm no fool I had already filled up the spot. We ended up rescheduling a couple times and going out a month later. I thought there was a legitimate chance because she kept offering the different days she was free if me or her was busy some day.

Anyway, she arrived about 10 minutes late to the date. Normally I wouldn't care, but combining this with her behavior before I knew then that she didn't care all that much. As a result, the date itself was very mediocre; the whole time I felt she wasn't into it (didn't display the signs of attraction she had spent the previous several weeks showing) and as a result, I wasn't, either.

And then, at the end, while we were snacking, somehow, I don't know how we got to the topic, she talked about her ex for a minute and telling me how she used to love him and she was stupid. If nothing else was a red flag, this definitely was because it told me, if subconsciously, that she probably didn't feel like she could have those feelings for me, which is why she felt it was safe to tell me. And then she talked about her guy friends for a few minutes until my non-responsiveness caused her to change the subject.

After the date, to be honest, I felt disrespected. Maybe it wasn't a big deal she talked about the other guys. But if I combine everything from the point I had asked her out to the end, including how the vibe seemed a bit off, it seems to me she didn't care all that much, maybe doesn't even respect me that much. The only thing that kept me considering her was how she kept offering alternative days, which made me think she was interested.

I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks. Saw her four times in person during that span and we didn't even look at each other. I just feel kind of disrespected and want to spend more time finding girls who would be eager to hang with me.

To be fair to her she called me 5 minutes before the date and told me she was going to be a little late. Still, I'm looking at the whole picture.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • She could've been late by traffic, being busy, not finding something she needed, ... I'm sure she didn't talk about her ex on purpose to make you feel bad. If the topic came up, she didn't talk about him for half an hour, waiting for you to get annoyed with it. It came up, she shared, topic finished. Nothing about she couldn't have those feelings for you, otherwise she wouldn't go on this date. She might've been nervous?

    She started on a bad note, that set your mood and then you're just looking for things that go with that set of mind. If she was on time and the rest was the same, I'm sure your thoughts of the date would've been different. She let you know she would be late. Don't be too hard on her.

    Maybe she felt bad about the date, that it was something to do with her and she didn't have the guts to talk to you, the fact that you didn't talk to her was a sign for her that you weren't that into her.

    Let her know how you felt about the date, if you wanna give her a second shot and maybe to arrange a new "first date"?

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    • well, the problem is that I did all the chasing to get her out on this date. So...I kind of feel like if she enjoyed it or wanted another one, she could let me know. Otherwise, I have no feedback and, based on past experience, silence/no eye contact from her means that she's not interested.

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    • and about 10 minutes after that whole ex thing came up, she asked me what else did I have in mind for that date, and I mentioned a couple things and she came with excuses for both (not sure if intentional, but if she wanted to spend more time, she would have) so then we ended it (with a hug). Going from that, it doesn't seem too promising.

    • Yeah, that doesn't seem too promising indeed... Maybe just be nice and friendly? Say the basic: "hi how are you?" and move on?

What Girls Said 4

  • It was disrespectful. she's trying to use you for a rebound or to get her mind off him. you don't have to put up with that.

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  • she was disrespectful. If I were her I would have paid for your dinner for being late

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    • I paid in the beginning, just to be a gentleman and since I invited her out, but for the snacks later on I let her pay since I wasn't sinking anymore money on this woman.

    • to be fair she called 5 minutes before and told me she was going to be late. But it's everything combined.

  • I would be disrespected if I were you. Find someone else because the fact that she still talks about her ex makes me think hat deep down she's not ready for a relationship.

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    • what bothered me more than the fact she merely mentioned him is how she said she used to be in love with him and all that stuff. I mean...saying that to me on the first date just didn't sit right with me.

  • Yes!

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What Guys Said 3

  • I would ditch

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  • SIMPLE ANSWER: Dump her!

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  • That sounds pretty disrespectful to me. I'd be pissed off to. Good job spotting that red flag, though. A lot of guys would have just let that slide.

    Find another girl, definitely.

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