I feel like guys are too good for me every time I start dating them. Read the description

This is going to sound weird, but every time I start going steady with a guy, I just start to feel really stupid. You know how the first month or so they're really sweet to you and they treat you great and act like you're the best thing in the world since chocolate pudding, but then after a while they're just kind of used to you and don't bother much? It always happens, but rather than me sitting back and dealing with the lack of affection, I always just panic about myself and break things off.

Something about me feels like I'm just holding them back from doing better and so I freak out and leave. It's like I feel guilty that they're stuck with me when there's so much more out there...if that makes sense. It's that I've been taught so much by people that guys don't really want to have to confine themselves to one girl and I'm so scared of being the one getting complained about to all of his friends.

Does anybody else have this problem? I don't know how to deal with it and I feel like such a weirdo.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its been said many times before on this forum but I'll say it again. You're hot. What you interpret as "used to you" is finally getting comfortable with you. Sure, you can spice things up a bit so things don't get too comfortable but too comfortable is not grounds to break off a good relationship.

    You should trust your gut. You probably are holding back. But if you want to be/do better, you really have to want it. We as people on this forum can't give you that, that's up to you.

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What Guys Said 13

  • To me, it seems like when the guy starts to inevitable replace the "excitement" with "comfort", you think that the relationship is going south...and you panic because you think you "did something wrong" because they don't seem as excited to be around you.

    ----

    That's not the case.

    The "excitement spark" doesn't last forever; that's in the beginning when the two of you are fresh and new to each other.

    Once you get to know each other better, you're more comfortable and natural, and less in "impress mode".

    This is when you breakup, thinking that something is WRONG. There's nothing wrong with being comfortable with the other person and not aiming to impress all the time (as long as you know he feels the same about you).

    Don't stress yourself out thinking that you "did something wrong". Sad to say, but most "relationships" don't even get the chance to make it to the "comfort" stage. Enjoy that the guy is being comfortable around you, and not stressing on trying to impress you to keep you.

    ----

    P.S. Think about it...do you REALLY want a guy that wants to keep focusing on impressing you ALL THE TIME in order to keep your interest? Most guys worth keeping aren't patient enough to deal with that type of nonsense; they want a girl they can be comfortable with! :)

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  • Stop breaking up with guys because they get used to being with you. It happens.

    You sound like you have some self-esteem issues that you need to work on. You probably get used to all of the positive attention that you get, and when you don't get it anymore, you assume the guy must be giving that attention to another woman, and you break up with him.

    You need to start questioning how you think and feel about things.

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    • These guys are probably in the same boat. Giving you all of these compliments and attention until they feel like you're really into them and really comfortable enough to like them for who they are... and then you dump them.

    • I like your answer, and I second it!

      I used to do what she did and I have realized it takes way more work than what some people think to get out of that situation where it "feels" like things went downhill, but it really didn't. It's just.. now that 2 people are comfortable with each other, you can be yourselves, but you have to put energy, fun, and care into it too in order to enjoy each others company. That's how you get over the rut, not by running away =\

  • Yeah. Whenever I get a little more serious with a girl I start thinking I'm not good enough, I'm not healthy enough, they are so much better looking than me, smarter than me, why are they with me, etc. Slightly different than what you go through, but pretty much the same thing.

    I would say you just have to get over it. If they want to be with you, they will stay with you. But, if you break things off when you panic you'll never know if they wanted to be with you. eRlax and try to enjoy your next relationship.

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    • Yeah, I just don't want to be the one to be left so I don't want to wait for them to get the guts to tell me its all over.

    • I understand. But breakups are a part of relationships and although it is a personal thing you shouldn't take it as personal. It will suck if it happens, but view it as a chance to find someone to be in a relationship with who really cares about you. ha Sounds horrible when I say it like that, but if you never give anyone a chance, you'll never know what could happen.

  • Few if any relationships sustain the initial euphoria and passion of getting to know one another over the entire duration of the relationship. Eventually things become more familiar, more routine. But there is a difference between this natural and inevitable reduction of puppy love and downright neglect. So if they have been doing that you were right to leave them so that you could find someone better, not them.

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  • To answer your question: once the novelty of a relationship wears off, it's up to both of you to keep the fire going. It takes an inordinate amount of energy to keep a relationship going and if you expect the guy to do all the work he will bound to be burnt out ... and you will feel like he's not bothering anymore or doesn't care.

    So take initiative, be more affectionate, be interesting. Don't break the relationship off prematurely. The more you both put into it, the more you will get out of it.

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    • See, that's the problem. When I'm staying equally as affectionate as I was before and they just go and fade off, I leave.

  • Things are complicated when you are young. You may not know who you really feel comfortable with. Everyone has flaws but some people just are better at hiding them than others. People expect relationships to be perfect. Relationships are work just like anything else. They need to be worked on to be maintained. The key to a good relationship is balance. Work on yourself a bit before you move on to another relationship. Be comfortable with who you are. Living in an awesome place like Australia what is not to like :) I have actually debated moving there...

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  • I'm sure they have the same insecurities.

    Except, they don't leave you because of them.

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  • ^ I feel that way all the time and I'm a guy. To be honest it starts somewhere, whether its un related to an actual dating relationship or not for example one with your parents or an old friend. At some point someone has said or done something to make you question yourself as well as your judgement. The way I see it is your a stunning girl, You seem to have what I believe I have... and that's commitment issues. Things happen for a reason.Never think you've let go of "the one" when your ready the perfect person for you will be too, and if the person didn't fight or try to communicate with you when you left than were they worth it? Find the route, realize that you cannot commit to just anything and gain some more confidence in yourself... are they to good for you? Or are you to good for them?

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  • You're pretty and seem nice, don't beat yourself up

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  • So.. what exactly is your problem? You want to be treated worse?

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    • Show All
    • No, it's sort of the opposite but not really. It's after they stop being real sweet and caring and start being unaffectionate that I panic. And it's important to note that during this time, I retain a static level of sweetness towards them. When their's decreases while mine remains the same, I freak out and feel stupid and then leave.

    • I see it now, but it's normal. Treat others the same way like they treat you, and that's it.

  • You're a knockout. I have no sympathy for you :P

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    • Ah cmon man...all girls of all types of look ranges have their issues! :-D

    • Zzzz... I wanna hear some real problems

  • hmm this question definitely helps me understand why so many women seem to stop communicating as soon as things seem to be getting more comfortable. You know it isn't very reassuring that you are great when a women seemingly can't stand being around you for a sustained period. I've always just figured you women weren't ready for a relationship.

    Have you ever told a guy you think he is too good for you?

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  • Based on looks alone, I can't see how any guy would pass you up. You're absolutely gorgeous. Your personality seems interesting too. So, I think it's just a matter of how you perceive yourself. Just be confident. You're fortunate to have what you have. :)

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What Girls Said 6

  • I get where you're coming form but you have to look at it this way

    1. They ARE with you

    2. Theyve CHOSEN to be with you

    So irrespective of the natural 'honey moon period' ending, there are things about a long term relationship that are far better then all those initial butterflies and extra attention - and that's knowing that there is someone who is there for you NO MATTER WHAT. No ifs/buts or maybes.

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  • we are our own worst critics, I think that's normal if we aren't slightly insecure at times we would all be narcissists. I think when the excitment of a new relationship cools down its important that you have things incommon and that you like hanging out with one another. And what or who told you that you aren't good enough? maybe to them you are the best thing out there, I think a lot of people especially girls pushes away a partner that loves them a lot cause of their own insecurities.

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  • I do that exact same thing, and then I feel this relief like now they can be happy cause they're not stuck with me.. but it kills me cause I still want to be with them.

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  • Hahaha Same! xD

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  • YES. glad I'm not the only one

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  • i think you have an insecurity that needs to be worked on. you shouldn't feel stupid he is with you because he wants to be, if he didn't want to date you he wouldn't.

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