If your boyfriend stands you up out of carelessness, could he genuinely care about you anyway?

I'm dating a shy guy that never dated before me and we are now at three months.

That was really difficult to deal with when we first started dating because he was always a bit distant and I always felt like that meant he didn't like me enough and then eventually broke up with him. When I did though, he suddenly told me that if that was the reason I was breaking up, I shouldn't be breaking up because he really cares but he just doesn't know how to express himself and now he'll try harder etc etc. So we got back together.

So far, so good.

However, his behavior did improve now in a sense that he calls me more often, which is nice.

Now the other day though we set up a Skype date because we've both been too busy with study and work to hang out, we set up a time and everything, and then he doesn't show.

Then he sends me a Facebook message 4h later explaining in less than 20 words that he's sorry he didn't come on but his computer charger died so he couldn't make it (and his phone was broken at the time). I was pissed already at that point since I feel he should have told me as soon as he knew he wouldn't make it.

Then he leaves me hanging for two days, I literally hear nothing, and then when he finally realizes I'm pissed, he decides to get in touch with me again, which then meant we ended up having a fight.

He says he's really sorry for ditching me, says it wasn't intentional and insists that he didn't think it would be a big deal at the time. As to why he was MIA for two days after, he didn't have an answer.

He seemed sincere when he said he really cares and he's sorry he screwed up but I keep feeling like an idiot for taking him back all the time. I mean, if someone needs to be told to think of you and stands you up and then doesn't bother to fix it, isn't that a really bad sign for your relationship?

  • No. If you care, you don't stand someone up.
    62% (5)50% (1)60% (6)Vote
  • It happens.
    38% (3)50% (1)40% (4)Vote
  • Yeah, I always stand people I care about up.
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Updates:
Hey, so I broke up and I explained myself and he is really angry. Said he really likes me and that I just can't see it and that he'll always be sad it ended. I really, really do like him but it's pretty much over now. I won't chase after him since I didn't do anything wrong. I don't regret breaking up though because I feel like it gave me some of my dignity back. I'll get over him in time (I guess) if he doesn't try. Thanks everyone!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Anyone who says "it happens" must have never really cared about the person they dated -_- imo,if they stood you up and it wasn't because of some emergency? Then they likely don't really care...

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    • I completely agree. I NEVER forget about him. It's completely impossible to forget about someone if you care. So why would he keep coming back every time I end things? Because if it's important to him, he would naturally think of me more but then when we fight, I know he's being sincere when he apologizes and says he cares. I just don't understand his way of thinking.

    • Show All
    • Though I will say, since he is a shy guy (and that's understandable to me),if he does seem like he's improving and really might really be finally thoughtful to such things, then consider another chance. That is, if you love him at all.

    • I broke up and I explained myself and he is really angry. Said he really likes me and that I just can't see it and that he'll always be sad it ended. I really do like him but I guess it's over now. I won't chase after him since I didn't do anything wrong. I don't regret breaking up though because I feel like it gave me some of my dignity back. I'll get over him in time if he doesn't try.

What Guys Said 1

  • stick to experienced players - at least they know how to use you properly

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What Girls Said 3

  • If I were you I'd dump him, that's really rude for him to treat you that way

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  • NO HE DOESN'T! Trust me on ghis, he does not care and he is going to hurt you even worst if you allow him to do things like that. mark my words. He is selfish and a narcissist you need to start letting go emotionally because you will soon see the person he is

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    • I agree.

      if he doesnrt care personally, than he's just pretending to care to get stuff. he has to want to see you, in order to be worthy of a relationship. not just do it because he's supposed to and if he doesn't he might get in trouble, and someetimes well he just needs a break because its so irritating to have to bother with you all the time.

      youre not a job he hates,or a class he can't stand, or a dentist appointment., you're his GF.

      if he doesn't WANT to be with you then wtf is the point?

    • I SO AGREE WITH YOU GUYS. Him doing that made me feel like sh*t and I really wanted to end things because I was done with him. I just can't help but feel awful over dumping him since I actually like him so I keep letting him talk me back into it. And now I feel stupid for doing that because HE made ME feel unimportant and now I let HIM off the hook? I don't even get why he wants to get back together every time.

  • some people really are careless and not thoughtful. and sometimes things happen, especially when dealing with technology. the being distant for two days I would chalk up to typical male behavior and wouldn't think too much of it. a lot of the time guys don't need constant, day-to-day communication with their girlfriends. they can care a lot about them but just aren't as social, conversational, etc as we are haha.

    what matters is how he deals with this though knowing how upset it makes you when he acts like this. if he tries harder to follow through, to be considerate in getting in contact with you if he can't make a date, etc then that's good. if he's inconsiderate of your feelings on this then I would be concerned that he's not willing to make you happy. it seems he was sincere in his apology and he wasn't accusing you of being clingy, overemotional, etc (right?) so I wouldn't be alarmed.

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    • The purpose -for guys=- to say disrespect is 'just male behavior is to excuse guys from any accountability. you fell for some intense bullsh*t.

      it is not 'ale behavior' to be thoughtless, disrespectful and to lack compassion. its certainly not reRELATIONSHIP behavior.. a**holes insist it is. but a respectful person comes with either genitalia.

      Keeping an agreement, its not about needing to talk its about respect.

      To only cares when one is upset is to fear consequence. Its not true caring.

    • Completely twisted my words

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