I ruined my chances with a girl....any chance of rebounding?

[Anonymous]

I finally got her out on a date and I used to always have that "edge" over her, where I was sarcastic, teased her, made jokes/comments that made it seem like she was chasing me, which she loved. But on the actual date, I was too nice. I was trying to show her that I am datable and as a result I felt I was too gentlemanly and that turned her off. It's been over a month and now we mostly ignore each other when we see each other around (four or five times since) and have had no contact since.

It's been really bothering. I felt like I really could have been with this girl. I mean, she so gets my humor. I just really messed up on the date, was nice and boring and it's eating away at me. But now that a month's gone by without any interaction, is it too much to hope that maybe if I start my old ways again that she'll come around?

[Anonymous]

I understand where you're coming from-Im the same way with a guy at work, sarcastic, fighting, playing around, but haven't gone on a date.

Honestly, do you REALLY believe that just because you were a gentleman on the date she thinks you are a totally different person than you are when you're joking around? If she does she doesn't know you as well as she thought she did. How do you know it turned her off? maybe she's waiting for you to make another date. I don't know the circumstances, but maybe things are awkward because she doesn't know where she stands with you?

[Asker]

I didn't get many encouraging signs from the date itself...even before the date after I asked her out. She started the ignoring business after I asked her. And yet she still went on the date, even making her schedule matching up to mine. Then continued ignoring after that. Considering she seemed hesitant at first, that's not a lot to give me confidence she actually cares.

[Yaoi-Anime-Fangirl1]

Well if how you were not on the actual date is how you really are than I don't see the problem with being that way and seeing of she'll come back around again, and if she does end up talking to you, you could always tell her that you were trying to seem more nice and datable on your date with her last time, so that she gets why you acted that way.
But if how you were with being sarcastic and teasing her and making jokes isn't the way you actually are and is just an act then I would say to not bother with it.

[LadyAly]

I'd attempt being genuine. I don't think you can know that you turned her off though, the only thing that may be strange is if you were completely different on the date than you normally are. She may have been expecting something different but it's not a bad thing. Just be yourself, combine your personas, keep after her, be a little bit nice and a little bit sarcastic.

[Asker]

the problem was that the vibe felt off on her end. She wasn't being as flirty as she normally was, it was more like, "what activity do you want to do next?" rather than teasing and bantering on the date. As if she was trying to oblige me/do me a favor by going on it with me.

[Levin]

I think you should put this in perspective. You had the courage to lay your cards on the table and show a different side to yourself. Fine, maybe in hindsight it felt awkward and contrived, maybe it didn't go according to plan, maybe the issue was that you formulated a plan in the first place. So it didn't go smoothly, such is human interaction. I think you should let her go. How can this be an ideal or desirable woman if she gets turned off so easily?

[martyfellow]

Most likely her mind is made up; if she has been giving you the cold shoulder for a month, I'd say zero chance she will change her mind.

But thisone date didn't make her decide to do this. Maybe she found out something about you in the interim, after the date? Believe me, the date isn't the cause of this shutting you out.

[Asker]

Not sure what she couldve found out, but you're probably right about her mind being made up. I felt I was fighting an uphill battle the whole time. For whatver reason, she never seemed too keen to date me. She loves how I flirt and teaase her, going as far as saying so, and the way she responded made it seem like she was interested. So the only reason I can think of is she isn't physically attracted to me, though that never stopped her from punching my shoulder or rubbing her shoulder on me

[Asker]

Bad signs; she didn't get back to me right away when I asked her out, she always thought she ws prettier than she actually is (hence thinking she thinks she's out of my league), and her behavior on the actual date gave me the vibe she was doing me a favor, which perhaps affected my behavior, kind of threw things in a loop.

But she herself was conflicting. Aforementioned flirting, the things she said to me sometimes, trying to match up her schedule to mine when there was opportunity to back out

[martyfellow]

The dating ritual itself is a burden and tends to make people unnatural and forced; maybe it's the process of the dating ritual, more than anything you said or did. This is why I gave up formal dating in my teens and tried to meet women in more natural ways

[Asker]

Now that you mention it, I have to say that the date felt tedious. Like, when I got there and started things off, I was thinking in my head "God, will I have to do this every week? Seems like a chore." And one the couple other dates I've gone on, same feeling came over me. I don't know if it's because I don't like the girl enough or what.

[martyfellow]

She probably also thought of it as a chore. Maybe try to be with her where it's not a date, in a group of friends for example.

[Anonymous]

Did you try to contact her at all? Maybe try to text her and ask her how she is and start from there. Maybe she thinks the way you do and is afraid to talk to you ;)

[Asker]

that's what people always say, but it always seems to be that I'm the only one thinking these things.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, she still went on the date. I say give it a chance, get to know her better and let her get to know you better! You can still be friends! If she didn't like you at all, she wouln't accept your invitations, right?

[Asker]

I don't think we can still be friends if interest isn't reciprocated. I don't want to get platonically closer to her to the point where I hear about guys she's dating.

[Anonymous]

you can't be too gentlemanly, but you can be too desperate and that is something she'll feel from you and it can turn a girl off. Have you contacted her at all since the date?

[Asker]

Nope and I don't thin I was too desperate. After I asked her out, I didn't talk to her at all (I felt doing so would smother her since I made the first move already and things were kind of in her court). Likewise she hadn't and hasn't bothered talking to me

[Opinion Owner]

well I'm not trying to argue with you because you know, I wasn't there, but it sounds like you were just alittle bit because you were trying too hard and that comes off as desperate to a girl even if you aren't desperate, make sense? I would contact her and ask her out again, it can't hurt anything and you'll know where you stand if she declines or accepts or just puts you off.

[Daniela1982]

Tell her that and ask, "Can we try again?"

[Anonymous]

If you try, anything might be possible

[In_Trance]

no, move on