Should I just let go?

I've been seeing this woman for about 2 months. We have grown close way to quick and didn't do the slow get to know each other dating thing. We both jumped in head first and I totally fell for her. I've never dated or got close to her type of woman. The I'm good looking and I get what I want type. So we always seem to but heads at least 2 times a week...sometimes yelling matches.

Then there is the part where she has dated nothing but controlling abusive guys so she always has her guard up and thinks I'm going to become that way. I've been more than patient with all her demands and whines in our relationship. Even stopped talking to a good friend because she was jealous. But yet she can do anything she wants even talking to her exes and wanting to see them. Some of them in jail even. I helped her get her own vehicle so she didn't have to ride the bus anymore to work. Yet she wants to use it to see exes.

She continues to talk with her ex before me that choked her and mentally beat her up. This Guy is in a mental facility and just got out of jail for multiple duis

So last night I had enough and told her that I'm going to talk to my friends if she gets to keep in contact with exes who have beat her down. Then she told me that I needed to leave so I did. Tonight she posts on her fb that she went out with a old Guy coworker and had a blast and can't wait to see him again.

The problem is that I have fell in love with her and can see a great life if the other stuff wasn't there. Maybe I'm a sucker or maybe I'm wrong but the relationship feels too one sided. Maybe I thought I could show her that their are nice guys but she seems to like garbage.

What to do?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 'The problem is that I have fell in love with her and can see a great life if the other stuff wasn't there.' But the other stuff is there and it's obviously causing problems. Just going by what you've written (which obviously isn't the full story as no one person can ever present the full story) I think she's enjoying being with someone who treats her well but at heart she will always go for the bad boys. She's being selfish, jealous and unreasonable. You deserve better than that. The relationship is too one sided and if she needs to be educated on how nice guys can be she isn't ready for one. I get that you love her. But you need to love yourself enough to walk away from something you've recognised is unhealthy.

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    • Your right it is only my side and isn't the full story ... but it is the main problems. Thank you for your reply.

What Girls Said 3

  • If you love her, fight for her. Tell her how you feel. If she wants to try to work it out with you, then I highly suggest therapy. Both couples, and individual for her. I know the troubles that can come from trust issues from past abuse. Therapy helps.

    If she absolutely is not receptive to working things out, then unfortunately there is not much you can do... but let her go, if that's what she wants.

    That Nice Guys line has me a little concerned. If you want to be with her, make sure it's because you are in love with her, and not because you feel like you have to save her, or prove anything to her. That would just be setting yourself up to fail.

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    • Terrible advice! She sounds like a hot mess. Stay away from her.

    • wow. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic and believe in fighting for love. At least give her a chance to be a better person. Then, if not, move on. Sheesh people...

  • Red flag #1 - Its been 8 weeks and there are all ready yelling matches

    #2) She told you to stop talking to a friend because she was JEALOUS

    #3) But yet she continues to whine about needing to hang out with exs...

    who are in jail/abusive...#4..esp one who choked her..(what the f***)..who is at a mental facility

    #5...or #6,7,8...she posts a fb post to make you jealous and insecure saying she went out with a guy

    Your red flags..Maybe I'm a sucker or maybe I'm wrong but the relationship feels too one sided. Maybe I thought I could show her that their are nice guys but she seems to like garbage

    You are a nice guy..she is a crazy b****.

    Its girls like her that make some nice guys think all girls are like that.

    You don't need her. Ive+ multiple people have shown you the red flags.

    This is just asking for drama.

    Please leave. Why would you want someone like that. I'm sure you've dated before and was it like this afte a few weeks?

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  • don't be used by her move on

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What Guys Said 3

  • She needs professional help, not a boyfriend, and she'll never stop taking advantage of your good nature, and applying these double standards to your behavior. Cut her loose and wish her well with the old co worker, one of many, I'm sure.

    Don't get emotionally involved; that can happen with this kind of girl,so get out now, 'in love' or not. You're just not used to this kind of girl; she's good looking and very interesting, so you THINK you are in love.

    Believe me, you'll quickly forget her when you meet someone more stable.

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  • If a woman has only ever dated controlling abusive guys, it is because that woman is either only attracted to that kind of guy, or that she is lying to herself to justify her own actions. For example her talking to her ex. If you try to get her to stop talking to him, she will one convince herself that you are trying to control her by telling her who she can and can not talk to.

    If you meet someone that only ever dates crazy people. That is a sign that the person you are seeing has some serious issues. I would suggest running away from such a person as fast as you can. That goes for both men and women.

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  • well, dear digitus, this is what happens when your manhood gets tested and you fail. fail badly.

    listen, and listen carefully - you're a grown up man, you should know at least the basics of social dynamics when it comes to intimate relationships, but yet, you have no clue.

    1. "We have grown close way to quick and didn't do the slow get to know each other dating thing," "we always seem to but heads at least 2 times a week"

    you say you fight "least 2 times a week." what the hell are you doing? after two months of dating you two shouldn't even spend that much time together let alone fight.

    the only good thing is that you actually realize what you're doing is wrong.

    this is classical, just classical - a desperate little boy, all worked up because of some chick who looks good, and falls in love after the first date. this is what I call shallowness. you didn't even take your time to get to know her what a psycho animal she is. and now you're paying the price.

    but you know that. you know that she is a *COMPLETE MANIAC* but you're still asking yourself "what to do," acting like a little clueless puppy. this is sad, man, a sad f***ing story. and you're 34, you say? more like 14.

    2. " Even stopped talking to a good friend because she was jealous."

    let me tell you something; if you ever want a successful serious long term relationship with any woman, get rid of those female friends. they are pain in the ass. always. get yourself some guy friends and leave chicks alone.

    you date chicks, you're in a serious relationship with chicks and you marry (if ever) chicks. you don't hang around with chicks as your friends - especially not when you're in a relationship. you should know that.

    ever heard that one - in every relationship there are certain compromises that are needed? this is one of those compromises. a lot of people ignore this, including you. nature is nature, you can try but you'll never win.

    3. "But yet she can do anything she wants even talking to her exes and wanting to see them."

    it goes the same for her when it comes to guys/guy friends. a woman with guy friends is garbage. you don't get involved with woman like that if you want a serious relationship.

    but her case is even worse - we're talking about exes.

    golden rule #1239048;

    you don't get seriously involved with women who're communicating with their exes on any level. *EVER.* you don't do that. these kind of chicks are not girlfriend/wife material. *PERIOD* there's no buts, there's no exceptions, there's no rationalizing.

    you want a woman who is loyal to you. you want woman who respects you. and talking to exes and seeing exes, my god, this is such a red flag. and you should know that. not only that she refuses to acknowledge your words, there shouldn't even be the need to tell her that.

    the problem is that *YOU* obviously like garbage. because she *IS* that garbage.

    and next time, act like a f***ing man, pal, and don't be an embarrassment to our gender.

    get rid of her.

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    • Got your point. But not shallow... like I said she isntt the normal type I get involved with

    • this is just an excuse. it's not about this type or that type.

      you didn't care to get to know her better. you felt for her looks, a few nice words and attention. you didn't care to take your time to actually see if she's worthy of your time and commitment, you just dived in - and this is shallow.

      you should casually date for *AT LEAST* two months before you even start thinking about commitment. you need to get info and then you can decide - one red flag and she's out, you cut her loose.

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