A girl who molds to who she is dating

Can you trust her?

I am a fairly straight edge, church-y guy and have recently started dating this girl. Her last boyfriend was the total opposite, a cursing weed dealing worldly person. When she was with him she was smoking a joint like every other day, she got a couple tattoos, and was basically the type of person he would like. Now that we have started dating, she's given up drugs, is getting one of those tattoo removed(without me asking or even mentioning I don't like it), has started going to church with me and has even taken the initiative to audition for the church band! (im not really active behind the scenes with the church, so she's taking it a step further than I do!)

Its just strange to me is all. Can I trust her? Or is she really such a submissive kind of gal that she truly wants whatever her partner wants?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I have a friend just like that. She is so scared of being alone she will become the female version of the guy she is with. She changes what she likes and dislikes and does for fun based on his taste. She has now been married to her husband for 10 years and they seem happy and have a daughter. She has never cheated or done anything against him. I think you can trust her. Whether she will be truly happy never knowing who she is, is a different story.

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What Girls Said 10

  • What's wrong with adjusting your life? People make mistakes in the past and better themselves by changing a few things.. I fail to see how that indicates that she can't be trusted and or that she's submissive. She's decided to change her lifestyle. That's all there is to it. We all tend to go through little changes or phases. Normal.

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  • you should learn more about her, before assuming. may be she really wants to turn her life around.

    I'm a non practising Catholic for most of my life but that's most like cause my family threw me away

    so I for awhile just focused on surviving

    then I Met my fiance, who is Catholic and devoted and I go to church with him cause I want to, I like him a lot. I don't have any drug history so I can't speak on her behalf but maybe if you two can communicate more and see how she thinks about certain topics, you may be better at assessing her motives.

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  • Mh... unless there was already a religious person underneath the tattoos, I would doubt her nature.

    It sounds like she hasn't defined her personality in the first place. She probably adpats to her friends too, like acquiring their features. Do you know if this is the case? If so, you're dealing with someone who's too weak and who needs to find herself.

    I don't know. Maybe you did inspire some radical changes, but I doubt that. We are who we are, after all.

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  • She sounds like one of those girls who always change themselves to please the guy they are with. Basically she acts and does things her boyfriend (at the time) likes so he will stay with her. I don't know if that is too much of a bad thing, but it does mean she doesn't really have a personality if she always changes herself for a guy.

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  • 1.She could be either of those things. She could just be conforming because she feel the need to be with someone no matter what.

    2. Or she's just submissive and likes to make her partner happy.

    3. OR she could REALLY be changing, and it would be wrong for you to find her weird. Some people really change from one extreme to total opposite. So ask her. And if that's the case then support her.

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  • you could make her want to be a better person. You could be just what she needs in your life and who doesn't try to please someone they are dating? I mean if she is committing to the church band then she is obviously pretty serious about church and probably you.

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  • Maybe she find a really good guy and saw something in you.. and wanted to change.

    Maybe you inspired her.

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  • She's either changing who she is for real, or she has no idea who she is and changes for every guy she dates. I wouldn't say it's that you can't trust her, it's more that you can't respect her. She's not her own person.

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  • Well you're already dating her so trusting her,depending on how long you have been together, should be out of the question. It's a must for a healthy relationship. She's showed you signs that she wants to change on her own will. If she were the type of girl that would do things just because she thinks you might like her more then you would probably know by now. It sounds like you guys have not been dating very long. My advice is to talk to her more about what she thinks and how she sees herself in the future. Who knows? but whatever it is, she's doing good by being beside you. You may just be inspiring her to become a better person and that's a win-win situation.

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  • i think she's a kind of girl who can't be in control. you must "brainwash" her to make her leave her bad behaviors. and teach her good behaviors to replace them. you don't have to show any religious stuff. just make her mood good. she will trust you.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Overall...i think she can be "trusted", but expect her to be a wee bit clingy.

    If you can handle that, I wish the both of you the best.

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  • She must be really into you, and want to turn her life around.

    A lot of girls these days, if you even hint at her giving up the tatts and weed, and attending church, she's be in your face with "THIS IS WHO I AM! DON'T TRY AND RAM YOUR MORALS DOWN MY THROAT! BLA BLA BLA"

    But, of course, be cautious. A girl turning her life around like that may turn out to be too good to be true.

    Other than that, congrats! If only this sort of thing could happen on a grander scale...

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  • She may be a people pleaser or may just like you enuff to change. Don't bring her to church. We don't need more of that in the world

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