OK, here goes. I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now. We're both separated, and we both have kids from our previous relationships. We started talking/texting at first, and we finally met, things took off very well. We spent pretty much every weekend together, and many evenings during the week. Things were going well, but very fast. We've both spent the night at each others houses, our kids have spent the night with each other, and we've been intimate, always holding hands, kissing, etc.
I'm a very caring and compassionate person, and liked to shower her and her kids with gifts, and I was always taking them out to eat, to go shopping, etc. I'm not trying to buy her affection, but I do like to do special and creative things for her, because I care about her.
Fast forward to last weekend. We had plans to go shopping. I tried calling her phone but it went straight to voice mail. I had assumed that her phone was dead, as I had loaned her my charger the day before while she was working when I met her to give her a ring I had made for her, so I left her a message explaining that I'd give her an hour or so and then stop by, as I had to go out anyway.
An hour passed, with no response, so I tried to call her again before I left, same thing, straight to voice mail, so I decided to stop by. When I got there, she wouldn't come to the door, and texted me and told me that me stopping by "unannounced" was a pet peeve of hers. I texted back and apologized, and when I returned home, I called and left her a voice mail apologizing. I tried calling and texting her a few more times throughout the day with no response. The next day was the same.
The following Monday I tried to contact her again, with no response. Later that afternoon, I sent her an email telling her that I cared about her and her kids, and that if she felt she needed space, that was fine, but she should let me know. I also told her that if anything else was bothering her, that I was there for her.
I sent her a text this past Thursday asking her how her week had been. She responded that it had been busy and she had been meaning to get back to me, but hadn't had time to "collect her thoughts". We exchanged a few more brief texts, but I didn't bring up her ignoring me.
Yesterday I tried to call and text her in the morning, as we always have breakfast together on Friday mornings. She didn't respond. Later that day, I was out, and passed her heading back to work, so I tried to call her, and she didn't answer, so I texted her asking why she was still ignoring me. She texted back with that her hands were full trying to go back into work and that how I always call when she can't talk.
About an hour or so later, I called her again, and she answered. I explained to her that while I cared about her, and her kids, and wanted her in my life, I couldn't put up with the games and silent treatment anymore. I asked her for an answer, and she told me she'd get back to me. So what's up guys? Is it over?
Most Helpful Girl
I'm getting your side of the story, so it's hard to make a judgement call, but one of my biggest pet peeves is basic lack of consideration. You sound like a pretty nice guy which may be more tolerant of such behavior, but I don't think it's at all fair.
This for me says more about her character than it does about her circumstance. When you're thinking about long term mate choice, you need to also consider how they handle themselves in times of conflict. Is she going to clam up and distance herself every time things get hard?
Additionally, you should also realize that not everyone knows how to love or receive it. The fact that her ex sounds like a douche complaining about child support makes me feel that she's used to going for a different brand of guys...ones she can't trust or have had terrible experiences with. If you're a doting type guy who is understanding and affectionate, your brand of love could actually scare her. I know, sounds crazy, but that's the reality.
Now that things seem to be getting serious fast, she may be subconsciously inventing all sorts of reasons why this may not work and freak herself out of what could have been a potentially good situation. We sabotage our chances of love all the time out of fear and I think this is one if those situations. Issues with her ex and work and all other excuses are red herrings.
Depending on how bad off she is, it may be over, but I would look at things from this new perspective. Rather than see it as rejection, see it for what it is. She may simply not be ready. Give her the space she needs so she can figure it out without having to worry about another way to give you an excuse. The fact that she hasn't flat out told you that it's over is actually a good sign. It means she's really thinking about her issues and isn't ready to give up on the whole thing, not yet at least.
So lay off any sort of communication. In essence, she's already told you in many ways it makes no difference and it frustrates her. Sooner or later, you'll get your answer, but in the mean time, you should go on with your life. It hurts now, but I think things will work out as it should.
I wish you luck in love.0