My girlfriend of 3 months has started ignoring me, and won't give me an answer about us

OK, here goes. I've been seeing this girl for about 3 months now. We're both separated, and we both have kids from our previous relationships. We started talking/texting at first, and we finally met, things took off very well. We spent pretty much every weekend together, and many evenings during the week. Things were going well, but very fast. We've both spent the night at each others houses, our kids have spent the night with each other, and we've been intimate, always holding hands, kissing, etc.

I'm a very caring and compassionate person, and liked to shower her and her kids with gifts, and I was always taking them out to eat, to go shopping, etc. I'm not trying to buy her affection, but I do like to do special and creative things for her, because I care about her.

Fast forward to last weekend. We had plans to go shopping. I tried calling her phone but it went straight to voice mail. I had assumed that her phone was dead, as I had loaned her my charger the day before while she was working when I met her to give her a ring I had made for her, so I left her a message explaining that I'd give her an hour or so and then stop by, as I had to go out anyway.

An hour passed, with no response, so I tried to call her again before I left, same thing, straight to voice mail, so I decided to stop by. When I got there, she wouldn't come to the door, and texted me and told me that me stopping by "unannounced" was a pet peeve of hers. I texted back and apologized, and when I returned home, I called and left her a voice mail apologizing. I tried calling and texting her a few more times throughout the day with no response. The next day was the same.

The following Monday I tried to contact her again, with no response. Later that afternoon, I sent her an email telling her that I cared about her and her kids, and that if she felt she needed space, that was fine, but she should let me know. I also told her that if anything else was bothering her, that I was there for her.

I sent her a text this past Thursday asking her how her week had been. She responded that it had been busy and she had been meaning to get back to me, but hadn't had time to "collect her thoughts". We exchanged a few more brief texts, but I didn't bring up her ignoring me.

Yesterday I tried to call and text her in the morning, as we always have breakfast together on Friday mornings. She didn't respond. Later that day, I was out, and passed her heading back to work, so I tried to call her, and she didn't answer, so I texted her asking why she was still ignoring me. She texted back with that her hands were full trying to go back into work and that how I always call when she can't talk.

About an hour or so later, I called her again, and she answered. I explained to her that while I cared about her, and her kids, and wanted her in my life, I couldn't put up with the games and silent treatment anymore. I asked her for an answer, and she told me she'd get back to me. So what's up guys? Is it over?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm getting your side of the story, so it's hard to make a judgement call, but one of my biggest pet peeves is basic lack of consideration. You sound like a pretty nice guy which may be more tolerant of such behavior, but I don't think it's at all fair.

    This for me says more about her character than it does about her circumstance. When you're thinking about long term mate choice, you need to also consider how they handle themselves in times of conflict. Is she going to clam up and distance herself every time things get hard?

    Additionally, you should also realize that not everyone knows how to love or receive it. The fact that her ex sounds like a douche complaining about child support makes me feel that she's used to going for a different brand of guys...ones she can't trust or have had terrible experiences with. If you're a doting type guy who is understanding and affectionate, your brand of love could actually scare her. I know, sounds crazy, but that's the reality.

    Now that things seem to be getting serious fast, she may be subconsciously inventing all sorts of reasons why this may not work and freak herself out of what could have been a potentially good situation. We sabotage our chances of love all the time out of fear and I think this is one if those situations. Issues with her ex and work and all other excuses are red herrings.

    Depending on how bad off she is, it may be over, but I would look at things from this new perspective. Rather than see it as rejection, see it for what it is. She may simply not be ready. Give her the space she needs so she can figure it out without having to worry about another way to give you an excuse. The fact that she hasn't flat out told you that it's over is actually a good sign. It means she's really thinking about her issues and isn't ready to give up on the whole thing, not yet at least.

    So lay off any sort of communication. In essence, she's already told you in many ways it makes no difference and it frustrates her. Sooner or later, you'll get your answer, but in the mean time, you should go on with your life. It hurts now, but I think things will work out as it should.

    I wish you luck in love.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You sound like a truly special guy and have a lot of wonderful qualities that many women would love to have. Unfortunately it sounds like things have moved way too fast and you have got super attached to her and her children. I would give her some space cause the way she's reacting to me it sounds like she may be feeling a bit smothered by you. I'm sure you have the best of intentions, but you're sorta putting everything out there right now and it's still pretty early in the game. You spend a ton of time together, you are showering her and her children w gifts, meals, shopping, etc. and it's only been 3 months. She sounds like she is just taking you for granted and assumes that you will be there no matter what bad behavior she exhibits. After she blew you off w your shopping plans I can understand how that would have made you feel but you kinda went overboard. Calling and texting excessively and stopping by unannounced just drove her futher away. I would take a huge step back and really evaluate what sort've relationship this is and what exactly she's bringing to the table. To me it sounds like she really doesn't respect you or what the two of you have. In the future I would take things a lot slower and make sure that the incredible love and affection you have to give is being directed towards the right woman.

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  • just stop texting and calling her so she can miss u..if she cares she will come back around,if not maybe she is dealing w bigger issues,like the ex or something and you are wasting precious time.

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    • Thanks for the advice. She's been stressing about her Ex lately. They've been apart for 2 years and he's been giving her grief about her child support. The last time she clammed up for a day or so was because of that, and having issues with her finances and being able to provide a Christmas for her children and I reassured her that I'd be there for her and would help her in whatever way she needed, both financially and emotionally.

    • I'm sure she appreciates that but she may need and want to figure things out on her own

  • It sounds like she's trying to distance herself from you... maybe just try giving her some space and collecting her thoughts? I'm sure she'll respond when she's good and ready to.

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    • Thanks for the input. That's what I've been leaning towards, but it just gets so frustrating when you've invested so much of your emotions on not one but 3 people.(she has two children) I'm hoping it works out, but at what point do I just chock it up to bad luck/not the right one and just move on?

  • Act like she never existed for a while. She needs to realize how good you were to her. If that doesn't work then don't worry about it. You will find someone who can respect you, like you respect them. Don't call or text her! Let her do that, if she misses you,..then she will!

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What Guys Said 3

  • You're definitely over doing it by calling, texting, showing up unexpected. She feels smothered and probably annoyed that you won't give her any space.

    I don't understand why women do this! You asked her straight up for an answer, and she tells you she will get back to you? Is it that she doesn't know the answer? Or is it she doesn't want to tell you that she doesn't want anything more? Either way, you asked for an answer and she should give you one.

    At this point I think you have to take her actions as her words, and just move on and do you're own thing. She knows how you feel, the ball is in her court. Leave her alone for awhile and honestly don't expect her to come back. Sounds like she's the type who doedn't recognize something good when she sees it. Find someone who does.

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  • I think she is going to dump you, I'd start doing a heavy work out routine and potentially distancing myself from her emotionally if I was you and you should try to find out if she is seeing someone else on the down low.

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  • We are good for women in 90 day cycles. Then they get bored.

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