How can I force myself to enjoy dating?

I'm 27 year old female and I hate going on dates! I've had very few positive experiences of dating anyway but about a year ago I had a particularly bad experience that really destroyed my confidence. Before that I didn't enjoy dates but I still went on them viweing them as a means to an end rather than something enjoyable, but since this incdent I've found the idea of going on one nerve wrecking. I want to have a relationship, marriage, kids and I do realize that I do need to go on dates to get these.


0|0
2|10

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, a date is a means to an end. The "end" is a relationship. The date is the means to getting into one. That said, it should not stop you from enjoying it.

    The more detail, the better. If you feel okay sharing what happened that destroyed your confidence, please do (also, are you more outgoing or reserved/introverted?). If not, I will simply say that maybe you should take some time away from dating. Look at yourself and find what you need to work on to increase your confidence. Write down things you want in a boyfriend, too.

    After you've done that, go on some practice dates with an acquaintance, a co-worker, or anyone you have friendly interactions with, but you're not best friends with them. That way, you're out with someone who you know enjoys your presence, but you still get to have the excitement of getting to know someone better.

    Most importantly though, don't force yourself to enjoy dating. Guys don't like it when girls pretend/force themselves to enjoy the dates. That is a confidence-killer too.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Basically the guy (who previously seemed very keen) went off me when he discovered I had only slept with one person. A "friend" (who I don't speak to anymore) got involved and this resulted in months of trouble being caused for me. I like the idea of the practice dates, unfortunelty its not an option for me as I don't know many single men.

What Guys Said 9

  • The thing about the dating thing, is that you should go hang out with people to have a good time, as far as having relationships and such, let it just happen naturally. Don't over think, or look too far down the road, that would drive a lot of people away. Just live your life and have as good a time by yourself or with other people! By the way not everyone has to get married or have kids and the pressures of society is pretty strong to do those things, but ultimately you have to learn how to be by yourself and not depend on anyone else for your happiness!

    0|0
    0|0
    • The thing is that way isn't possible for me as most of my friends are settled down with kids, so I will have to actually go on dates to get into a relationship.

  • Well you don't want to force yourself into anything because it can cause even more stress. What you need to do is realize that we have all had bad experiences when it comes to dating or even being in relationships. Unfortunately that is life and we have to suffer until we find someone that fits our needs and expectations. Forget about the past and try to enjoy the present. One thing is for sure that you will get hurt but that's what makes life so fun is that whenever know what is going to happen.

    0|0
    0|0
  • In what way would being in a relationship be good, while going out on a date bad?

    There are differences, but I'm trying to see how you look at it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well if you're in a relationship you're settled, dating is just plain cringy!

    • You're never truly settled.

      In any case I am wondering if you are just worried too much about the date 'working'. Stop viewing dates as having a 'goal' and view them as simply an outing and getting to know someone more to see if you like them.

  • go on date to somewhere that you enjoy.

    for example, if you like bowling, go bowling. if you like mini-golfing, do that. if there's a movie you want to watch, go to the cinema.

    also, you can drink a few shots of tequila and you'll enjoy more.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you don't want to go then don't go. Plain and simple.

    I know with young girls a date means or leads to sex. With older women it is dinner and hanging out. Which are you?

    0|0
    1|0
    • The 2nd one I guess, even when I was younger. I only have sex whilst I'm in a relationship.

  • Dating sucks! You both go out to somewhere fancy, neither of you are being yourselves, neither of you are comfortable, and it's all bullsh*t. That's why anyone who's smart skips over the whole dating thing, and they just hang out with people they like. It's more real that way, and it gives you a better idea of who they are, rather than who their representative is

    0|0
    0|0
    • Unfortunely this isn't an opion for me.

    • Show All
    • Becuse I don't get to meet single men in my everyday life, so if I want to get into a relationship I'll have to actually date.

    • Because I don't get to meet single men in my everyday life

  • Date your friends.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Do you find your dates physically attractive?

    0|0
    0|0
    • What's that got to do with anything?

  • What don't you like about going on dates? The pressure? or having to be in a potentially uncomfortable situation with another person?.

    If you really like some one then you would want to spend as much time with them as possible.

    Seems like you just going your going out on dates because your afraid of eventually ending up alone.

    Maybe pick something you enjoy doing and have your date join in instead of the usual dinner an movies and walk on the beach etc.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm not sure what it is, I've never liked going on them even when I was a teenager. I suppose it's probably might be due to a mix of me beng someone who'se naturally underconfident and having a lot of bad dates, I guess maybe I think I have to put the effort in to build up the confidence to actually go on the date then have a rubbish time. I've only been on one date since this particular incient last year, and that was just meeting up for a coffee during the day the idea of going on a formal

    • date too much, I've actually had to see a counsellor due to this. The only reason I went on them is because I want a relationship, and obviously I can't go straight into a relationship with out meeting men and going on dates with them frst. I live in the UK the usual date is going to a pub or bar here, not meals and cinema.

What Girls Said 2

  • what a lot of women do is go have coffee with the guy during the day... that way, you break the ice a bit, and get to see if you would WANT to go on a real date with them. Its only an hour or less if you choose. Good luck hun, I know how hard it can be. I also like to talk to my dates A LOT before I go out with them. This way you have stuff to talk about, and you can get a feeling of what they are looking for. IE- hook up or relationship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Forcing yourself is not the answer. You cannot force yourself to find Mr. Right. Don't just go on dates with guys you meet, make sure you really make a connection with that person. You don't enjoy them because you probably don't enjoy the person. Being picky won't kill you, being too picky will. Take a break. It sounds like you're rushing trying to find Mr. Right. Stop forcing the dates and trying to force finding him. Take a break, life is short but love takes time.

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...