We're still dating but not having sex or kissing anymore?

I really like this guy I met online about two months ago. We're both really busy (I'm in my last year of college, applying to graduate school and all that) and he travels a lot, so we see each other once a week, except when he's traveling for a longer period of time.

The first few dates happened in two or three weeks. First date: drinks and sex (he loved what I did). The second: dinner and making out on the street before parting. The third: coffee, a walk through the park and a movie (just a hug). Then four more weeks went by, we were both busy, he was traveling, Hurricane Sandy hit…

For the fourth date last weekend, we went to a concert. I went the extra mile to look good, since the physical intimacy seemed to be tapering off; but despite my feminine wiles, he chose to go to a birthday party afterward instead of continuing to hang out. I made a comment that I'd like to talk him out of going, but he said, "No, I should go to this thing..."

He would check me out, but we didn’t touch that much. Early on he put his hand on my shoulder; sometimes during the show we'd sway into each other, only to sway apart soon after...I was terribly disappointed, I want to sleep together again. The date ended after he walked me to the subway, he gave me a hug and jumped in a cab, said that we should see another concert, and that was it...

He still pays for everything and is quite a gentleman (always holds the door, lets me walk first etc); we have great conversations about politics, music, books…

Before I was disgruntled because of how dates come about: when we part, he says that we should do something (dinner, a concert etc) soon, sometimes he says he'll contact me, but I have to be the one to contact him first; once I text him to ask just how things are with him, he responds, asks what I'm up to on the weekend, and takes charge...

There was one extreme case of this waiting game. After the first date, we made tentative plans on the spot to have dinner the following Thursday; I was determined to wait for him to confirm...he finally did at 1AM the night before.

I think it's important to consider that neither of our lives might be set up for a relationship right now...he's really busy with work, and his profile said that he was interested in short-term, not long-term dating; and I have no idea where I could be a year from now (grad school), though I told him it is my intention to stay in the area, the city if I can.

I am so confused, I don't know what's going on here...he doesn't seem to be physically interested in me, which I'm not used to: most of the guys I meet/date go straight for the kill, and I have to beat them back with a stick. I'm less bothered by our pattern of communication now (how he wants to hang out again but won't contact me about it), but it might be relevant...

Help? Insights? Please?


Most Helpful Guy

  • he looks on you pretty much as a aid escort, nothing more, so he doesn't put a lot of emotional energy into your dates, and puts you on the same level as other social engagements he has..or ..lower, in importance.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Maybe, as you said, he's just busy with work and stuff like that

  • Prob cos you gave it away on the first date, should have built up to it and had him lusting after you. Now is just like meh.


What Girls Said 2

  • You aren't official, he already had sex with you... I don't really see where it can't go from there unless you both get involved for real in the relationship.

    By another way, if you're deciding you don't care much about him he might be feeling it too and prefers standing out time to know what's up...

    But at first sight, it sounds like you're only casually dating with nothing of extreme importance going on between the two of you. You don't seem in love and so doesn't he.

  • He's just not that into you. You said it yourself he's just not physically into you. Maybe he connects w you on some level but the spark just isn't there. Move on unless you're looking to just be friends.