Is dating mostly about the guy proving himself?

I don't have a lot of formal dating experience, mostly tidbits here and there.

But in terms of media portrayals and tropes, discussions amongst girls, and discussions amongst guys, it seems like the primary focus of dating is for the guy to prove he is valuable enough to earn the presence of the woman.

I mean, it seems common in film to portray women who are fending off petty, annoying male attention, but Mr Studly is the only REAL man amongst all the other sub-humans. Obviously dramatized by the media, but I worry there's truth to it.

You look at the whole traditional setup, and it's based on the girl showing up so that the guy can to whatever it takes to prove he is a good enough provider. So she can decide whether or not he meets her standards.

In film especially, the guy always "wins" the girl, who never did anything to prove HER value in the first place. Her value was ASSUMED. He was just a pathetic loser until he EARNED his value.

And most of the time when I hear girls talking about their boyfriends, it's how much they are "settling" or doing him a favor by simply sticking around.

It just all seems so...pessimistic. Like they're waiting to find reason to make him the bad guy and leave him.

Are there girls on here who are happy with their relationships, and really WANT to be with their guys?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Is dating mostly about the guy proving himself?

    Not in my experience as mine have been it's about both parties proving themselves.

    Are there girls on here who are happy with their relationships, and really WANT to be with their guys?

    Probably no different than there are probably guys on here who are happy with their relationships and really want to be with their gal.

    Perhaps you have a skewed perception as in mine it's pretty even grounds:

    It's common for films to portray women as you said and it's also common in film to portray men who are sleeping with 'skanks' and 'sluts' unworthy of his attention other than his d*ck but Miss Holier Than Thou is the only real woman amongst all the other 'whores', 'skanks', and 'sluts'.

    The traditional setup is about the guy proving he's a good enough provider and it's also about the gal proving she's pretty and young enough to be worthy of providing for. The guy decides if she meets his beauty/youth standards when he approaches.

    In the guy 'wins' the gal film the gal's value usually isn't assumed rather it's based on her youth and beauty.

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    • "It's common for films to portray women as you said and it's also common in film to portray men who are sleeping with 'skanks' and 'sluts' unworthy of his attention other than his d*ck but Miss Holier Than Thou is the only real woman amongst all the other 'whores', 'skanks', and 'sluts'."

      This paragraph was perfect.

    • Show All
    • @QA

      She doesn't provide for him as the traditional patriarchal gender roles has the male being the provider and the female being the caregiver. Though thanks to feminism most households are two-income so she contributes no different than him.

      Historically gals have been portrayed as children and passive and the film portrayals suggest it's still a norm portrayal. There's a common phrase that the perfect way to write a woman is to think of a man and take away reason and accountability.

    • @QA

      In my opinion gals aren't often expected to offer anything due to patriarchial gender roles and how they're usually seen as having nothing of worth besides beauty and sex.

      Many times far more thought and care is given to how young and attractive a gal is than her other qualities even when the situation doesn't call for it. Such as a gal running for a political office being judged by her physical attractiveness rather than her political views, agenda, or conduct.

What Girls Said 4

  • That's all basic stuff. Sounds really similar to traditional Chinese way of love and marriage that I was taught, being Chinese myself. About how women are very valuable and men need to fight to earn just their attention.

    Yes, women are to be respected in every way and their respect needs to be earned, but isn't it the same for men? We fight for equality everyday, but when men ask for the same, some women actually turn sexist.

    I was the one who initiated the next step after my man had asked me out.

    I'm very happy in my relationship of 7 years and we are equals in it.

    I truly believe that both sides need to put in equal effort if they really wish to be together.

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  • Yep! I am : )!

    And I have to say..he doesn't make much money and is in transition but whatever! We do love each other, it's the most important!

    At least he knows I'm not there for money.

    I think the girls you're talking about are very sad people because they'll never get satisfied with what'll have...there will always be better somewhere else.

    Love is different, it's on a different planet far away from money and power :).

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  • Dating is about two people seeing if they can function together well enough to live. Also, they are about the guy proving to the girl's dad that he's man enough to take care of his daughter. And they are about the girl proving the the guy's mother that she is woman enough to be a good wife to her son.

    I, for one, actually do want to be with my boyfriend. He is the most important person in the world to me and I couldn't imagine being without him. I would never be with someone I didn't truly want to be with.

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  • Eh, Erm,...all I can say is that the world is 100 times worse than the movies.

    Relationships are okay, not wonderful, just another thing in life.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Pretty much. Since women have it easy in the dating world, with guys tripping over each other, they just have to sit back, get free stuff, and choose the pick of the litter. We men have to pimp ourselves, bring down other men, and show macho bravado to prove ourselves lest she picks the next man.

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