Fiance broke off engagement and wants to date others....

My girlfriend had been dating for awhile (6 mos.) and I asked her to marry me. We picked out a ring and I purchased it for her. Everything was fine for about two weeks, then small arguments started turning in to big ones. The smallest of things began to upset her. I realize that I wasn't perfect. I have a lot going on in my life. (both parents very ill and possibly dying) I believe that my focus fell away from our relationship a bit. I never attempted to hurt her whatsoever. About two weeks ago I got the "we need to talk" text. I was told that she wanted to break up, and was given back the ring. We have talked since, with me trying to patch things up, to no avail. This past week I found her profile on plentyoffish.com and it says she's looking for casual dating. Her mom tells me she is confused. She is 29 with kids, I am 32 with kids. Aren't we a little old to be "confused". I apparently upset her by putting my profile up on POF and now she will not speak to me. Should I just move on, or let her date and hopefully realize that I am the one she wants. She claims that I wasn't making her happy, and when I asked about our future, she just kept saying "we'll see what happens". I don't get it. After only a month of being engaged. :(

Updates:
As an aside... she was the first to mention marriage.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Here's how I can interpret things :

    - You only dated for a short period of time.

    - She said yes to your proposal in the heat of the moment, but later regretted her choice, and took every little thing as an excuse to start an argument. Meaning she consciously (or not, probably) was looking for excuses to break up. Women are rarely "frontal" with that type of things. Anyway, since you participated in these arguments, that was just bring more grief to her "confusion".

    - Her saying "she is confused" equals a "no". Usually a person who wants to get married will say "yes" and nothing else.

    - You putting your profile online isn't helping. That's passive/aggressive behavior. Women hate that. She might have considered things for a period (since it was a big thing to do, getting married), but now she doesn't talk to you anymore, which means she is moving on.

    You should move on. Because you don't have any other choice left. And take some time to analyze your reactions, because she probably isn't the only one at fault there. First among all, don't ask too soon to get married. A good time would be 1.5 - 2 years, not 6 months.

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What Girls Said 3

  • You can be confused at any age :)

    The biggest worry for me is the "we'll see what happens". If you are 100% sure that you want to be with someone you can see your future, you can see your wedding. Maybe she knew this and that's why she broke it off; she couldn't see a future with you.

    Be thankful it happened before you spent loads and loads.

    Get a refund on the ring.You can always buy another.

    I suggest having some you time. Spend some time with your kids, take some time to work out what you want.

    I'm not really sure why she's upset about you having a POF account, bit two faced of her, but don't message her or anything on there.

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  • These are my disconnected random thoughts I'm having right now after reading your post:

    Too bad, that sucks.

    I would consider yourself lucky that this happened before the wedding as opposed to after the wedding.

    I'm still confused at my age. Unfortunately.

    Try to get a refund on the ring if you can RIGHT NOW because those things devalue fast.

    Don't mess around with her with dueling POF profiles. Ya know!?

    Take some time to step back from this situation before you start dating again.

    Maybe she thought of you more like FWB?

    There are still more women out there, with different personalities.

    It probably doesn't have anything to do with the ill parents, although that can cause a lot of stress.

    I say don't try to patch it up with her IMO. If she comes back to you that is on her (balls in her court).

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    • I mean there is a lot going on there, two single parents, kids involved, ill parents, prior failed marriages...all of this stuff some times can wash over people. I mean you sound pretty level headed about it but you know give yourself a break and don't take it too hard. Maybe YOU didn't really know this person very well. Maybe it IS for the BEST that she spooked out?

      Don't take it personally if you two were not the best match...

  • I don't know if I have much advice to offer you, but what comes to mind reading this is: 1. 6 months is a very short time to date before getting engaged, 2. You're not too old to be confused, and 3. If I were you, I would work on moving on.

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What Guys Said 3

  • She is confused. Very possible she does not know what love is.

    Love is not that pocket full of posies.

    You know there are millions of women out there looking for a guy like you who is willing to take it to the alter.

    So many times a woman needs to be careful what they ask for, often they will get it. She wants space give her space. She want to go shopping on POF, let her shop and dig through the bucket of broken boys and toys.

    You have more options than any woman can have, the planet is full of women looking for a guy willing to commit. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take a step out and about. You will be fine either way.

    Good luck,

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    • I know, I'm just frustrated by fickle people... especially when they were the first one to talk about marriage.

  • 6 months is too early to purpose. Yea okay you guys are older. But still. You gotta be smoking something to purpose within 6 months! LOL I mean common linguine.

    I say, for your sake. Better it happened now, because you dropped 100G's on a wedding for this woman and she did this after.

    She wants to be confused, tell her, yea okay, go be confused. I'm gonna find someone that isn't confused.

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  • Why did you let her pick out the ring?!?!

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