My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. He has left me about 4 times. Each time it would be longer than the last. He felt that we didn't see eye to eye in too many things. I felt that there should be a happy medium. My answer was to work it out, not run away. He left me in February, about 6 weeks ago and called me yesterday. He said he called to give me bill money, I told him he was full of it. Someone doesn't take off 6 weeks earlier, and all of a sudden call about bills. So, he asked me if we could get together and talk because he still loves/cares about me and always will. I said no, I told him I was seeing someone..I lied, and I know it was wrong, but I got so tired of him thinking I would always wait for him to return. I love him with all my heart but he needs to open his eyes and realize that love doesn't wait on him...I guess I wanted to put the fear of God into him that he has lost me and maybe he waited too long this time to call. I feel guilty and sad, but what else could I do? Any suggestions.. Please help...
Most Helpful Girl
Sometimes people treat us the way we allow them to treat us.
By you allowing him to come back, each time he f***s up, makes him think it is ok to treat you this way. It took him 6 weeks to come back to you this time. That is a pretty long time --and you are right, you don't know what he did in between. and it just shows that he obviously wasn't THAT worried of losing you, because he was pretty confident that you would be... waiting.
If you want to get back together with him, you will have to be firm on what you want, and how you want to be treated. This is usually done by actions, and not words.
This time he went too far by waiting SO long. So, I suggest you message him (email, or text, no phone calls or meeting up). Tell him he really hurt you, and that you are tired of him treating you like this --running off when things go bad. But let him know that you love him and care about him, but right now YOU need space, YOU need time.. and YOU need to figure things out.
You can also scare him by saying, this last time he left, it gave you time to really think things through.. and now you want more time to figure things out. Also make it sound like you've been busy since he left you. Doing things you weren't able to do while you were together. Like, spending time with friends and family, or taking classes.
I know it is risky, because it's like a test to see how much he really wants to be with you.If he really wants to work it out, and change, he will take the time to prove it to you. But if he quits calling... then it might mean that he gave up.
Before you do this... you have to think about what you REALLY want. He walks out when things get rough. He gives up on you when he doesn't know what to do. If you get married, you both will run into BIGGER problems..what will he do then?When you have kids together, and they get on his nerves, what will he do? Is that the kind of future you want?
You have to set your standards, and stick to it. Show him that you won't settle for less. No matter how much you love him, if he can't stick around, then he is not worth your time.
How much pain can one person really take...
- Show AllShow Less