Dating someone who is unresponsive

[Anonymous]

I have been seeing this guy for a couple months. We're both pretty busy so we haven't hung out that often.

He's generally unresponsive when it comes to texting and calling. It usually takes 1-3 days for a reply. I make an effort to not blow up his phone. Only one text or a couple if I'm trying to make plans.

The last couple times I saw him, we went out with his friend and his girl. Then we went straight to bed and cuddled the whole night, both nights. Fell asleep with our fingers intertwined.

I started feeling insecure about his erratic communication so I left a vm that told him how I felt. Kept it to the point.he said he'd call but didn't, probably because I told him he didn't have to talk if he didn't want to. Then I sent a text that simply asked him to tell me when he doesn't want to see me anymore, let me know. I gave him a few chances before to take the easy way out and he hasn't taken them.

This was a couple nights ago. No response. What the hell is going on? I need to get a life. I highly doubt he's seeing other women. I think he's just as clueless as I am. We're both 26

Thank you for indulging. Have a comforting holiday!

[Anonymous]

I probably would have said different things about this in the past, but recently I was going through a similar thing, and when I told the guy I felt like I needed to not push as hard and was a bit insecure about his lack of answering, he told me "Or, really, maybe I need to push harder and we can meet in the middle." There was something so genuine about that - about him admitting that he's not as responsive as he should be. I've never heard a man say that.

At the end of the day, if someone doesn't seem to care, they probably don't. But even if they do, a relationship isn't supposed to leave you insecure and hurting. You shouldn't have to be worried or waiting for three days on end just to hear back. It's not fair to you. Whether he's clueless or doing it intentionally, at the very least he could have responded to you in some way.

Just drop the whole relationship. If he comes to you, see about talking about things. If he doesn't, then you just saved yourself a lot of trouble, because if he's the kind of guy who won't make the effort, it won't start feeling better anytime soon.

[Asker]

This is a great response. Thank you. It's just odd. Unfortunately my gut has a good feeling about him. And I honestly just think we're both inept when it comes to dating

[Stacyzee]

You did all you can do and he is still unresponsive.

His actions shows how he feels about the relationship with you.

If someone cared about something, a lot more effort would be put into it.

A lot more passion would be involved.

He'd try his best to meet your needs so he will not lose you.

He isn't doing any one this.

I know you care about him, but its best to move on.

The pattern will continue because he isn't showing any indication of wanting to change.

He only says words which are not followed through by action.

You deserve better.

<33 Happy holidays has well.

[3boys4me]

Great answer!

[Stacyzee]

Thanks :)

[Anonymous]

Hi

This guy doesn't sound clueless, he sounds disinterested.

Maybe don't contact him any more and see what he does, if he fades away then you have your answer.

[regenderate]

Do sh*t to feel less insecure, and if his communication/schedule/style doesn't mesh well with yours then find someone else to keep you company. That's what he's doing.