Please help me understand....

5 months ago I reconnected with a high school friend who lives out of town. We exchanged numbers and began texting each other very often. I was invloved in an accident and in the hospital for many weeks when he came in town he brought me a pizza and sat and visited me for awhile and even said someday he'd like to meet my mom. Well then the next day as he was driving home he called me just to chat (first time we ever talked on phone) we talked for 20 min or so and then hung up. That's been almost a month now and I've sent a few text with no response and called (got his voice mail) and left a happy Thanksgiving message.i'm confused on why I Haven't received any responses. I thought us reconnecting and being friends was awesome, but baffled at him disappearing. I don't want to bug him but also think he shouldn't leave me hanging. He called me the first time so thought that meant he enjoyed our friendship. Please help shed Any light for me. Thanks

Well...I saw my friends day the other day and found out that my friend's Uncle just past away that he was very close to. I did call and left a message saying I was sorry for his loss. He did respond with a text message that said he's sorry he's been out of touch, but he doesn't deal with death very well and he shuts down for a few weeks, but he'll shake it off soon. So, releived me somme, but feel sorry he doesn't let those close to him help during such a hard time.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Only he can answer that question. I once went out with a guy and he didn't call me for 3 weeks. I didn't contact him. When he called he wanted to let me know all the things I did that bothered him on the date which amounted to I looked prettier than he had seen melook before and it made him mad. We continued to be friends but I didn't pursue anything romantic and we finally ended our friendship too.

    I am not one to say that if a guy doesn't call it is all bad. Some guys need a little more time to deliberate or chew on something. During that time, contacting them can backfire. You start to feel bad and some kind of desperation or defensiveness. He started to feel smothered.

    Some guys return, some do not. The ones who do, it is important that you keep their behavior in the correct perspective. It is OK to be disappointed and it is OK to express to them that not returning your calls was not what you expected and it didn't make you feel good about the friendship you are building with him. However, keep in mind two things. This guy has not existed in your life for approximately 20 years. His behavior, although disappointing, does not weigh significantly in the grand scheme of things in your life. If he disappeared for legitimate reasons or even legitimate guy reasons (as in most guys would do the same thing) then your appropriate response will go a long way to show what quality of woman you are as well as give you a guideline of how to handle your relationships with guys in the future. Secondly keep in mind, that you are in as much control in making the decision of who is in your life in what capacity. He doesn't suddenly hold the key to that because he disappeared.

    Now if he is gone for good, I have learned painfully that when that happens, I have been done a favor and am coming off less scathed than others. It's all about respecting others' decisions even if you don't want to and not allowing yourself to be treated with lesser value than you would treat others. In the end, when someone disappears for 2 weeks or forever without a word, most likely it is not about you, it is about them.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I wouldn't try to contact him any more. Their is the possibility that something happened. Maybe he had to travel etc. If that's the case he has your text, and voice mail and would contact you. If not, and he isn't replying because he doesn't know how to act like an adult and treat you with respect: you are better off with out him. I'm really sorry. More than once girls have just dissappeared on me. It sucks, and it hurts.


What Girls Said 2

  • Please don't contact him anymore. I know this is very hard for you, wondering what could have possibly happened to him. I feel very sorry for you. It is very hard to understand something like that. There could be 100 reasons why he doesn't respond. And you're just making yourself feeling miserable if you torture yourself with 'whatifs' and 'ifonlys'.

    stay strong!

  • Interesting... It sounded like he was interested in you... but now he doesn't reply to you? That is a shame. I wouldn't try contacting him anymore if he is going to ignore you like that.