How to get over fear of dating?

I hate to sound like some mentally messed up lad, but I just get this sort of bad feeling whenever I'm dealing with dating. I'm 21, never tried dating until I about two years ago, fell head over heels for this one girl, and it ended horribly because I was so naive and inexperienced. I haven't gone on a date since, in 10 months.

It's not that I can't get girls to smile or talk to me, It's just, whenever it's moving towards a date, or anything like that--I get this sort of sick feeling, like a guy who's been told he has an 18 page term paper due tomorrow and needs three root canals done. Basically, this sort of slightly panicky, sick feeling, anticipating all the games and headaches I went through before.

Is there anyway to get over it? Most guys seem to have no worries about dates... me, I've done this thing now like four times, where a girl is basically saying, "Yeah, let's go out!" And I panic, and stop talking to her so I can breathe normally again.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The opinion I would give my friends is man up.

    You're inexperienced so really no book or step by step guide is going to help you. What you have to remember is that there's only one way to get that experience and that is trial, error, perfect.

    And what's happened now is that you've created some perception that is dominating you. It's like when you're a kid and you think there's a monster behind the door and the longer you leave it to open that door the more the monster grows. This monster I can imagine probably seems like the hydra at this point. But this is where as a man we need to step up and bite the bullet, you know your problem so handle it bro. Next time you're in a position with a girl where it's moving towards that date point and you're starting to panic, step away from the moment and process everything, think of what your normal reaction would be, think of the experience you're potentially missing out on, think of the worst thing that could happen and think of the best thing that could happen.

    It's your life and if you don't live it , no one else will...

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What Girls Said 1

  • Take a deep Breath- Chances are the girl is just as nervous as you. I still get nervous when I go out on dates, especially if it is someone I am attracted to. The guy I am seeing now I told straight out that I was nervous (we went to dinner and I couldn't eat anything) he thought it was cute. Try some practice dates, you must have some girls that are just friends, ask them to the movies or whatever you like to do, if you can talk to them one on one for a few hours you can certainly spend time with a girl you like, and just remember she is nervous too.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well look at it this way, it sucks but you did learn an important lesson: don't let your guard down too early. Now as long as you keep that in mind, you shouldn't be making the same mistake again, so that's one less thing you have to worry about. The more dates you go on, the more mistakes you will make, and the more lessons you will learn, until you know exactly what to expect and do, and you won't be nervous anymore. Stepping out of your comfort zone like that is the only way to grow.

    And be grateful you can actually get dates. There are tons of guys that can't even talk to girls in the first place.

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  • To me, it sounds like you have a case of dating anxiety. Dating anxiety is a form of social anxiety which is causing you to feel overwhelmed when you think about dating. Depending on the level of your anxiety, you may need to seek advanced treatment. However there are a few tips that may help you reduce your anxiety.

    1. Don't keep it a secret. If you find yourself feeling anxious on a date, tell your date. Disclosing how you feel to your date will ease your mind, and your date will likely respond with words of support and relatabilty.

    2. Chew gum on your dates or when you're conversing with a girl that you want to date. Studies have shown that chomping down on a piece of gum can reduce stress almost immediately.

    Good Luck,

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  • you are moving out of your comfort zone, don't buy into the sick feeling and don't fight against it

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  • You need a road map, and a plan. I suggest getting the book, The System, by Doc Love.

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