Has anyone dated a girl with low self esteem?

Damn, seriously, she gets discouraged easily. Always wanting approval/assurance, including anyone she can find. And when she knows she's not good at something, she gets anxious and walks away. Even with compliments, she doesn't take them easily. Holy damn. It's a turn off seriously. :/

Have you ever dated a woman like such? Would you even date that kind of girl? Also, how did you manage to date a girl like that?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I am a girl with low self esteem, but the difference is, I try to hide it. When I date a guy, I get really insecure, ask my friends if I'm good enough for him, that he might find someone smarter, funnier, prettier, more outgoing,...than me. But the guy will never know how I feel. Fact is, those girls should work on their self esteem first before getting into dating and relationships. I am trying now.

    Problem here is: the girl you're talking about shows her insecurity. She needs to realize that she makes people run, which will lead to her feeling more insecure about herself.

    What I would do, yourself or ask a friend of hers, is to talk to her about it. Tell her that she needs to find some good things about herself, everybody has positive and negative points, we all do. Because she doesn't accept your compliments, you'll stop giving them, which will make her feel more insecure again. So if she keeps on acting on her insecurities, you'll run. I don't blame you, it's hard work though, getting insecurities out of someone's head.

    So just let her know that, if she feels insecure, she should sit down and think rationally about why she feels so insecure. Tell her the things she's good at, tell her you're not just saying it but that it's hard for you to keep pushing that stuff in so the insecurities will go out.

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    • Wow, you got good points there. But does talking about it really works? I tried that before and she just like pushes me away and she won't talk about it. My guess (with basis from your input) is that she's probably too shy to talk about it? What do you think? Is there any other way to help her? Maybe I should just dump her, lol.

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    • *but that she has to work with you, cooperate to change things and then you can start enjoying the relationship.

    • Thanks for B.A. If you need any more advice, happy to help!

What Girls Said 3

  • Yea everyone has a bit of insecurity... eg for me I am always a little shocked when someone keeps telling me how gorgeous I am, I know I'm pretty or I'll think I am average at times but people don't, my response is " really you think so? Awww thanks, I really appreciate you saying those things" but I mean what I say in my response. I love compliments and take them well. I have this scar on my knee from surgery and used to not wanna wear shorts and when I did I used to walk super fast more than I already do so persons wouldn't have the time to see, but then as time went by I'd challenge myself and when in situations where short pants is required I'd wear them and try to not care people would ask and I would just explain, it wasn't easy and I didn't feel nice while doing it , but I did, and now I don't care who stares at it. I have a few other things to be insecure about but I challenged them and I am getting over them. One thing I realize if you are trying to hide an insecurity people will see how uncomfortable you are and think something, so it's best to just be yourself and let them see if they do even notice. Now no one can see my scar unless they stare my knee down really hard, it's healed a lot more now... the thing is this girl, tell her about a simple insecurity you had , how it affected your self esteem and how you overcame it, tell her how you challenged it and how it's not worth spending the rest of your life worrying about it, but accepting what she can't change, challenge the insecurities and tell her to trust you that you know how it is and how it can feel when the insecurity is faced. Just say how you realized more girls liked you when you stopped worrying about the insecurity, and focused on your positives which gave off that you had confidence... you can tell her if you don't have confidence and while working on your insecurity...to fake the confidence until she has confidence... cause showing your insecurities like that is truly not the way...I agree with crystal minds too

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  • As horrible as it must feel to be in your situation, I can guarantee she feels a whole lot worse. People with low self esteem don't have a good sense of foundation in themselves; so while you feel that you have to complete a delicate balancing act in her presence, she feels like that all the time.

    I haven't dated a girl like that, but I have been one. There aren't enough compliments in the world to make her feel better. She needs exploration and feedback regarding her deeper self. The most you can do is hold her hand through the process.

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  • yea... I'm convinced everyone has some form of low self esteem...

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What Guys Said 3

  • Yep, in fact when I was young, those were the only women I could date, because they had lower self esteem than I did lol.

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  • ok I never dated such a girl but I had a friend like her. it kind of annoying I agree .we had so many fights . so here is the thing I felt she doesn't have much appreciation in past which mader her a little unacceptable to pampering and all. first she should indulge in hobby and secondly when she shy away or don't understand how to react ull just have to not stop ull have to tell her that when I say something nice accept it rather runaway because I like it it feels bad when you shrug away my comments if I didint feel good about you,i wouldn't say it . and you like saying good things . tell her consulting about what do do is good way to start anything and tell her there is always problems we need to face.

    i don't know how relevant my answer is with your problem but hope something might help . they are idiots ;) just need kick in the butt (ok maybe a liitle push) to make them go right ;) :D these idiots can be great at many things

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  • Yes. My advice to you would be to just get rid of her. I dated a girl for 3 months who was just upset about every issue, drama, discouraged and problem in life. She then had the need to try and talk to me trying to share her endless problems. After a few weeks, it just dragged me down to the point whereby I couldn't stand it so I just cut communication with her. After a 1-2 weeks, I was back to my normal self and continued living the dream.

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