Is "social status" really important for dating?

I'm in college, and I'm painfully aware of the social status we have here. Basically, certain "top" frats and certain "top" sororities are socially the highest and they mingle with each other exclusively (They're pretty rich and party a lot...kinda catty lol). But all the hot girls in in the "top sorotities"!

I'm just an independent and no one really knows me. I only have a couple of friends. Also I'm wealthy, but not as much as some of the "top" people. Does social status really play an important role?

Have you ever had to deal with stuff like this? I can't believe college is still sorta like high school...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • some people have a high school mentality even when they are in adult body form---

    i found it to be annoying

    i think its because my friends are usually older, my mentality is more mature.

    social status should not matter if idealistically the individual is humanistic and understands the important aspects of a relationship are not fully dependent on monetary gain.

    i know my fiance isn't the richest guy out there

    neither do I care that he is

    he has a lot of character, integrity and I can see him as a good father to our children, he's loving and has a job of course. love him a lot for who he is, not his social status

    i honestly avoided 'rich' people because I work hard for what I have, and some are born with a silver spoon. got my teaching job via hard work, not caring what high school minded people do...so. do I care? no. did I care about that type of stigmatism? no. if you want a partner who thinks it is important, than it will be. obviously I never wanted a partner who was internally and infinitely shallow, so I didn't care for those who thought social status meant 'anything'. to me, it means nothing.

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    • Nooo I mean wealth isn't the issue for me. It's just like...idk a "popular group" that has no inherent value. I know it sounds dumb, but that's just how it is in my college. Everyone agrees its dumb, but it's how it is!

What Girls Said 17

  • To answer that, I hope you could spend a little bit of your time to read this one. :) link

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    • Thank you for letting me know about this site <3

    • I read it, but it seems kinda dramatic and fictional...is it really a true story?

    • Question Asker: True or not, its still possible to happen. :) You'll never know so what I'm saying is do not let social status get in the way of your love. Its hard but its something you should conquer. :)

      KassandraDoom: You're welcome! :D Thank you for the appreciation! :D

  • Being an individual who was a part of the UK version of that type of social group in those years it is important when the person is a part of your school. More than likely you'll have common interests in addition to common friends just kind of jels better.

    Exceptions are sometimes made if the person is an individual outside of your college (e.g. from work, from a society, from another school) and people seem to care less as people don't know anything about them.You'd be accepted as what's her face's boyfriend and people wouldn't say anything until they got to know you.

    Also from my experiences (and my friends) it appeared to be easier for a guy to bring a girl into popularity rather than a girl to bring a guy in.

    Ah well just a find a girl you like, not just a popular rich girl, good luck, go figure.

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    • ManaX, first off, you look really cute! Is that how you normally look in your profile pic? XD

      I assure you, I feel like I do have common interests with the guys in frats/sororities. Often, you just need to know the right people to get into the group (we call it d!ck sucking lol). I'm a bit more reserved so I think that could be why I missed my chance. How does it change after graduation? In work?

    • Lol, thanks and yeah I guess.

      Just realized when you said college I thought you meant 6th form. Uni for us is nothing like that, you act like your above everyone else and you'll have no friends. You just hang out with the people you get on with and as long as you don't have a bad reputation people won't treat you any different. I'm friends with a broad spectrum of people from the pot heads, to the label crazy, DJ's to the rugby lads etc. In terms of dating and stuff you should have...

    • ...(well at least where I am) you have a fair chance with anyone. But as I said you need to get to know them first, I usually meet a lot of people at parties, introducing people to others means they introduce you to thier friends too. Being a friend of a friend is already a head start (so yeah knowing the right people is something). My advice to you is become less reserved try to make some new friends but take the old ones with you. Don't ditch your old friends for popularity.

  • Maybe a bit, but I feel like social status becomes a lot different after you leave high school, and when you get into college definitions change.

    At my university we didn't really have fraternities and sororities, but we had the people who were known for being very smart and very involved in their departments, and that in turn held kind of a higher "status" to their closer classmates. I think more people are definitely drawn to those that are noticeable in these ways, but it was never really noticeable enough for me to care. In a party school it probably is a bit different, especially if more students are drawn there for the concept of "college life" or if it's smaller (mine had like 40,000 students not including graduates, so really no one was special enough to be the "popular" kid to the whole campus).

    Outside of communities like that, it's often less of a big deal - or at least in general. We're obsessed with stories about royalty meeting "regular" people or celebrities who date people we've never heard of. The reality is things like that do happen. Social status matters to some people obviously, but a lot of us are just looking to meet someone who makes us happy.

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  • Social status is really only important for those who are shallow and materialistic. You must be in a really small college if that type of status thing is so noticeable.

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  • I think a girl interested in your social status is like a girl interested exclusively in your money.. It's a girl who is interested in what she can get from you.

    But hold on! I bet you wanna date a girl who is interested in you for who you are regardless of your possessions or connections... don't you?

    Because if you do then the girl you're waiting for is different from the girls you're talking about here. She would be in love with someone regardless of his social status or his money...

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  • It depends on the university you go to, really. Big party schools tend to have a more high school like social atmosphere. Small and in between schools are not like that so much. It doesn't mean the hot people are suddenly going to want to go out with people who aren't hot, but the social status either doesn't exist or matter at schools that aren't party schools.

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    • I go to Duke. It's not too small. But idk, we're not really party either. We used to be like 5ish years ago, but our tailgates are canceled, rush period is only a week now, and all the frats were relocated to the sh*tty part of school...and parties no longer happen on campus.

  • I haven't had to deal with it at all. You have to see what kind of college you are going to and determine from that. In some colleges, the smartest people are the most popular. It all depends. Also, why do you want to be in the frats? Spend time with the people who aren't losing brain cells and are instead using them! p.s there are amazing girls in all groups and all wakes of life!

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  • Sadly yes it is even though some people won't admit it.That just how life is.Life in college is pretty similar with high school.Mostly looks and wealth are the important one.

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    • So what can I do about it? I feel like I'm wealthy enough (top 5% of house hold income lol) and I'm not sure about my looks. But is there any way I can improve?

  • Okay, I was joking about the weirdo part but we are pretty diff.

    Well obviously we're all very diff people because we have been raised in diff communities and have diff genetics. We are how well our genes have adapted to society and most likely in a whole college, you guys lead diff lives. In my same social circle, even if we share some similar beliefs, we are mostly very diff to each other.

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    • But that means everyone is different...and don't opposites attract? I'm pretty sure we all have basic human values. I'm not sure I'm understanding your point. Should I give up trying to pursue a hot girls because her life is different from mine?

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    • Yep, very good :D This is my philosophy as well

      Bc if I get what I want, great, if I don't then I'll learn something from it.

      Regardless of anything, I'm not afraid to do what I want or say what I think.

      The happiest thing in life is when you can be yourself, do what you want, and enjoy it.

      But having to wonder... . what if ? what if I had done this..? -.-

      The worst thing they can say is no, and honestly, it's not such a big deal. Let the right one come one day.

    • haha exactly. At the least, you know not to keep pining over her/him and can move on. :)

      But alas I didn't always feel that way so I am wondering what would have been if I did this.

  • It is not just about social class difference, it is about being able to understand each others' lifestyle. The same lifestyle does not need to be conducted but in a relationship, both need to be able to relate to each other. In a relationship, there must be compatibility by the sharing of similar principles and being able to enjoy the same interests. Thereafter, both are comfortable being in their own skin, and enjoy each others' company.

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    • Can you give an example? We're all in a really selective college. We had to be pretty smart to get in here in the first place. How can our lives differ so much?

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    • Interesting you say that. My wife's family is part of the ruling class in her country, I'm from a lower middle class background - at best. Yet we have a tight and close relationship. Even more curious, her country, status still means a lot, and different social classes don't normally mingle, even in a "classless society".

    • I think, people can overcome social class honestly, it's all about the interaction between two.

  • not to me, if your a cool person then we can chill and be friends no matter what social status you have if your super popular and a d***, I wouldn't even look your way. and I never been into the sororities. my college experience has been great no bs

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  • I don't think it's too extremely important, but if you have a bad reoputation it could hurt your chances dating some people. I know for a fact that many girls will stay away from a guy if they've heard from a few people that he's a player or a jerk

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  • It does a little bit, but I wouldn't say too much. I live in the south and I am in one of the top sororities on my campus and we just had our formal and I invited a guy I thought was attractive who wasn't affiliated (gdi) and he has a decent amount of money. No one thought twice when I brought him, so I don't think social status plays a HUGE role...But if you don't have the money to dress fairly nice a majority of the time there is no hope. (superficial, I know.)

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  • i don't think social status plays a role. frats and sorors are nice I guess, but everyone just blends in. sometimes, I'll notice the greek letters on jackets and hoodies but it's not like that trait makes the person more attractive or interesting. it's hard to gauge social status on campus. people are coming from all walks of life.

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  • Hmm...I don't think I noticed that at my college, but it doesn't surprise me. When it comes to greek life, birds of a feather flock together. So if most of the members wear Chanel daily, it'll deter the people who can only afford Walmart (no disrespect of course because I definitely shop there myself). Plus, membership dues and events they participate in can get pricey.

    I'm not exactly weathly, but I do own a lot of designer things, and while most of my friends got used cars they had to help pay for, mine was new and on my parents' tab. College was my first experience going to school without a uniform, and even though I worked, I always knew that I could go to my parents if I were really in a bind. I don't flaunt it because my parents worked really hard to give me what I have. And when I started working, I had to pay my own way for things I wanted that weren't school-related.

    When it comes to dating, I think it matters to a certain extent. But the fact that it matters depends on the person and how comfortable he/she feels with his/her social status. I I dated a guy who was bitter about the way he had to grow up, and it made dating him difficult because he threw it in my face a lot because it always came back to him wrongly assuming that I didn't know what it was like to struggle. On the other hand, I dated another guy who was in a similar situation and I ended up falling for him deeply. HE wasn't hung up on money. My only hang up comes from personal experience. It could be a piece of junk for all I care, but I wouldn't want to date a guy without a car.

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  • Hi There Flamingo117,

    I like your name by the way, who doesn't like a flamingo.

    There are always people who are gonna be at the top and people at the bottom, also everywhere in between. Maybe the key isn't to focus on the frat and sorority people and instead find somebody at your own level that you mesh with. I don't know how important social status is really, it's as important as you make it out to be.

    All of life is sort of like high school--(so is work).

    You can still find somebody! ---Just open your eyes to stuff outside of the frat/sorority groups.

    One of my old roommates had been in a sorority and she told me that she never felt like herself around them...go figure.

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  • yea it plays a big role in our society, not just in high school/college, if you want to be high status you can devote your lie to it and you might just get there! ... I dream about things like that but then I realize I am too lazy to keep up with that life and its really not worth it.. ask yourself what you really want it life? will high status bring you peace? What happens when you loose it all or get really sick or something would those friends be there for you? probably not. Just have fun... and most important find comedy in it all... It's all a big monopoly game, none of it really means anything..

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What Guys Said 6

  • Yes, it matters to a significant degree if you want the hottest women. That being said, there are plenty of reasonably attractive girls who aren't Greeks who might make good girlfriends. If you're not a Greek, trying to land a Greek is hard business. They tend to date internally. I suggest you search elsewhere for a girl.

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  • Status is everything in the animal kingdom. Humans are animals. So, yeah, status is important. Being at the top of your school, your city, your country, is always attractive to the opposite sex.

    Many of the things we do is to elevate our status.

    In fact, high status is the only thing that can trump physical attraction, or, in my case, lack of it.

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  • Well I guess I never had to deal with that kind of stuff because we don't have top frats or top sororities at university here in the UK. Maybe that's the reason why I don't really look at someone's social status when I am dating them. I'm an independant too and I social status is quite far down on my list of things to look for in a girl.

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  • Yeah it matters to women a lot from what I've seen. It probably derives from their desire to be protected by some external force (men, govt. etc.).

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  • High school and uni are basically the same - but instead of lamenting at the bottom you should know it is not actually that hard to be cool. Take up a sport and get a good body. Become good friends with a really popular girl who is not that pretty but has a great personality and is actually kind - there's always one. She will introduce you to all her pretty girl-friends, to the point you know way more girls than the average jock. The jocks will want to know you, then the pretty girls will start to notice you. Don't turn into an assh*le though.

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    • This is basically a gentlemans guide to popularity lol - who said the nice guys can't make it?

    • One more thing - your attitude. The one sure way to make people like you is behave as if your family owns a gold mine. Not snobby - but a set of good clothes, some style, and have good manners. For some reason if you can pull off pretending to be rich people really like that.

  • These people are so immature I'd die laughing if I were to attend one their gatherings. I mean seriously, snobs are just that, snobs. And they can snob with each other all day long, I don't give a hoot. I just know they are horribly immature and I don't want to be near them because I'd catch a headache within a minute dealing with all their senseless crap.

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