What do you think of the saying 'out of your league' when it comes to dating?

I think its true, some guys would be out of my league and I think its the same for girls... some might disagree, but I think it makes sense


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In terms of looks, then yes, it applies, but only when the person stated as "out of your league" is too shallow, vain, or materialist. If it's about personalities, it only applies when the two personalities don't mesh. If it's about someone's character, then that's about when someone one person is a genuinely good person, and the other is not. So yes, there are conditions where this is true, however, there are exceptions to every rule, and as far as I'm concerned, I think it's always worth a shot. Sometimes you could be surprised.

    Take me for example. I've never been particularly wealthy, but I always got on alright. I'm not particularly handsome, nor am I particularly well built. I'm kind of a bigger guy. Some people see me as a good person, but I have my edge, and some darker moments. Despite all this, I've never had a problem getting a date, and I frequently found myself with women, who most people, myself included, might consider as, "out of my league". The girl I am dating now is like the girl of my dreams only better. A total package.

    Maybe I'm the exception to the rules. Maybe not. Though, to me, it does put the rule in question.

    My girlfriend also has this friend, who, if I'm being honest, is not particularly good looking. She's not that pretty, she's overweight. She's kinda flaky. Pretty abrasive. However, she's constantly being chased by all kinds of guys. She's single for all of a week, tops. Guys are always obsessed with her, proposing to her, and most of them are real lookers. Any thoughts there?

    Really though, while it seems that leagues come into play on occasion, I think that unless the other person is vain or shallow, it's possible that these leagues are self imposed. Even if I'm wrong about all of this, it's worth trying. It's worth taking a shot and asking someone. If you like them that much, it's worth trying. If they're so great, they're worth it. Don't give up and say "they're out of my league." and don't let anyone tell you they are. Just go for it. What's the worst that could happen?

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    • "Lookers". That's subjective. A girl with the deficiencies that you described most likely has a quality or an asset that is unknown by her platonic friends. Ideally, guys that are considered good looking by the consensus does not chase after women like that for physical reasons; however, there are exceptions, which her friend may be.

What Guys Said 22

  • I think it's absolutely true, and a fact that people just need to accept and cope with in a healthy way (i.e., not artfully denying it).

    That said, that following statement is subject to one huge clarification, or qualification. Partner selection is just one huge, complex, but lightning quick negotiation. It's an exchange of value for value. If the value a woman has to offer a man doesn't quite measure up to the value a man has to offer to a woman, then that man is going to reject that woman and take his chances finding some other woman, who will be of higher value, and vice versa.

    There are two main components to any negotiation: (1) individual preferences, and (2) BATNA.

    1. Individual preferences are basically what we want, and to what degree we want it. Suppose you have a female, whom has a high preference for financial resources and is largely indifferent about looks. Suppose further that this female meets a gorgeous male gas station attendant. This guy is tall, dark, fit, strapped like a tiger, with fresh sweat on his perfect tan skin, and ready to f***. But, he's also broke, with no future financial prospects. It should come to no surprise why a guy like this is single. In short, the same man can have completely difference values to different women, because those women will likely have different individual preferences. In turn, he may be less valuable to the woman who has less value to him, and more valuable to the woman who has more value to him. It's all an economic equation at this point. The sum of the weighted value of a person's individual preferences equals the total value. Here is where being "out of your league" comes into play.

    2. BATNA stands for best alternative to a negotiated agreement. In simple terms, I want a book. I see this book in a book store, selling for $19. Is it a good deal? Should I buy it? What other choices do I have? If I look on Amazon.com and see that I can have the same book for $4, then I'm never going to spend $19 to buy the book from the book store. In that case, the bookstore has weak negotiating leverage, and I have high negotiating leverage, because I have options. The opposite is true if Amazon.com had the book on sale for $39. Negotiators often ask, "what's my BATNA," but also an equally important question, "what's the other side's BATNA?' Why is that important information? Because if I'm the bookstore, and the only other game in town is selling the book for $39, why the hell should I sell it for $19, when I can be selling it for $38? What other choice do people who want the book have? The opposite, however, is also true. If a buyer can find the same book for $5, I have no business pricing mine for $19.

    So, if a person cannot take their value and find an "other" partner with the same value as you, "as easily" as you can take your value and find an "other" partner with the same value as the other person, then that person is "out of your league."

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  • In theory, everybody should be able to find how they are equal in the dating realm. Out of your league usually refers to attractiveness or excessive income. I wish this was not the case,but it is, especially for attractiveness.

    I think that BOTH men and women are vain when it comes to dating. We both want someone that is at least as attractive as we are, most of the time within one point on a 1-10 scale.

    Guys establish this pretty clearly and get crap for it. Women on the other hand preach personality and other factors, but when it comes down to it, they do the exact same thing.

    Based on your looks, I think most guys would date you. So what is the context of this question? Does it relate to you, or to someone else?

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    • Physical attraction is definitely important, but I guess what girls mean when they "preach personality" is that someone's personality could actually make someone more attractive.

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    • Just a question for clarity. When you say "Guys, we care about personality too...but we care mostly about hotness," are you talking purely from an attraction standpoint, or about how you overall choose a girlfriend/wife?

    • Guys choose the girl they are interested in completely on how hot they are. We want to have sex with them. I think whether we want to continue having sex with them is where personality comes into play. And wanting to continue having sex with them is where we choose how much we like being around them. In some cases of really hot girls, it is where we choose how much we can stand of them to still get the sex. lol

  • This is used in a response by people who judge themselves better than the rest, because there's no such thing as leagues when it comes to individuals, only by those who have their heads so far up their own asss they believe they are better than the rest, which in fact, they are the ones who are rejected more often than not,x

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    • so if some nasty, mean, ugly girl, with NOTHING going for her was trying to get with you, how would you react? based on your logic, you see yourself on the same level as her. but in reality, you would probably say no. why? because you think you are out of her league.

    • No I wouldn't think I was out of her league, I would just show no interest purely down to attraction, it would have nothing to do with me being better than her or not.

    • I understand where you are coming from. It does sound harsh to say "out of his/her league." If it is just based on no attraction, then no I wouldn't say I am out of someone's league. But if someone was a bad person, I would think I deserved someone better than them. I don't think that means I have my head up my ass...

  • I don't really take a league into consideration if I'm interested in someone or dating... There has to be something more there like our mutual connection and ideas. I don't really find social circles or superficial things attractive in another person so its not something I chase after or prioritise.

    We all have preferences and I feel that I just want in return what I know I can give. As for looks it goes the same. I want someone I'm attracted too although I'm not very superficial in the looks department because I usually always see the beauty in a woman that I like.. .I am confident in my looks although I don't think that they make me and certainly don't put myself in any kind of league.

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  • It's more a matter of compatible or not.

    League implies competition and the need to compare yourself with others on a arbitrary scale.

    A person who worships money will often label other people as losers if someone prefers to just sit and smell the flowers instead of dedicating his life to accumulating wealth. These two persons are not out of each others league since they are not in competition with each other.

    Creating leagues and competition is for those who feel that the human value is external and not internal.

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  • It's like giving more importance and value to the person than yourself..

    And when you do this, you subconsciously giving your power to them... so don't do that..

    btw that teddy looks so cute... ^_^

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  • Is the way of society of telling you to comform, like there are things you don't deserve, likie if you are socially awkard guy you have to conform to the girl that no one wants.

    I think no one should accept the bullsh*t. We have to grow as person so we can reach higher leagues, only then we truly can find that person of our dreams. Don't comform, also remember beauty is in the eye beholder, I have seen unattractive people with attractive people.

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  • there are not good looking people with hot people for whatever reason. it just happens people settle or will want a "nice" guy and not think ugly people can be mean its stupid if you love someone and get to know them doesn't matter what they look like but if there is no attraction it will never work

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  • outta my league..if you watch the movie there is no such thing in this world..its your own self rejection you making you think your not good enough is what it is..nothing is outta my reach XD

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    • because movies are real.

      And I am the Batman.

      (What I am saying is that even if a person feels confidence in who they are, they will still get rejected by someone who believes is out of their league)

      Great movie, but not true story

  • It's BS. Some people aren't compatible. But no one is better than another. It's just a justification for a person to justify their shallowness, or their low self esteem.

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  • Gurl you outta mah league

    stay out of my league

    no no oh oh oh

    they might just be the one for you buts its all a myyyyysteryyy

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  • I think a person is only out of your league if you think they are.

    I know plenty of very intelligent, educated, successful, healthy, fit, good looking, unique, interesting, kind people feel that some people were way above their league.

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  • i'd say it is quite accurate

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  • it comes from social value, the perceived value people think of you

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  • It's much too reductionist to be much use.

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  • its bullshiiit. its a self-disrespecful way of comparing yourself to others.

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  • Its real here only because people are that stupid.

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  • ugly people don't want to admit it, but it's true.

    btw, you are f***ing SMOKING in your main picture. You can be all in my league <3

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  • nothing. there are no leagues lol we're not in middle school

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  • by league do you mean looks ? looks can only get you so far , people can only be so attractive , and on a fundamental level women don't even go off looks in a guy in choosing a mate, and while males are probably the more visual species at their core it probably doesn't come down to a girls looks for us either , any sexual selection in mammals or humans class can break this down on a scientific level , any real skilled " pick up artist " across the web and YouTube that has studied intergender relations for a profession can explain this better than I can or anyone else on here

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  • That is just peoples opinion it's not based on facts beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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  • I think it's true

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What Girls Said 12

  • Yeah, I agree with you. There is this guy I know who I feel like I could never have a chance with. He is super attractive, is way more ambitious than me, knows way more about basically everything, he has more money, he is more kind, he basically just seems perfect, and I feel like a total mess next to him. He is way out of my league.

    Then sometimes, I get pissed off when loser guys think they have a chance with me. Like the guys who have no job, no degree, get high and play video games all day, aren't really nice to people and are generally pretty unattractive. Basically the guys who have nothing going for them. I just think, "sh*t, I know I am not perfect, but I am not on THAT level..."

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    • I love your honesty. I was getting pissed at all these girls thinking they had a chance with me, and was wondering if that was shallow or not...But come on. Not cute, not educated, not intelligent. Not gonna strike gold over here!

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    • Well since the question was about who we don't see as "in the same league", that is how I answered it: by explaining who I don't see myself with. Had the question been "who is IN your league?" I would have given a different response.

    • and also, I am sorry this has happened to you all the time, but I am not those girls, and I don't really appreciate being lumped into that category. I've dealt with rejection, so I know how it hurts.

  • Yes, I think it is true. Everyone wants the best they can get but if you are not as hot as the one you want and the one you want could easily get a hotter person than you. Then you are not playing in the same league and will probably not end up together.

    Exceptions from this is probably because of personality, where people maybe don't look as hot but can make up for it with their wonderful personality.

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  • Don't limit yourself like that. It is not about " league" . It s about clicking and being in the same page

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  • That's definitely true

    Some people are just too good for others

    That's just reality

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  • I don't think there is such a thing as out of your league as long as there is compatibility established. I could understand this situation when a woman a man would like to date is way over his range in financial success and feels belittled by it, but some people can still overcome this. I think if there is love, then the rest doesn't really matter.

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    • BS. You look Chinese, and from all the Chinese people I know, if the guy has less money than the girl it isn't gonna work. Unless you're a white dude

    • I'm Taiwanese, we're pretty liberal.

  • I think it's a great expression. I wish I could say the same in French.. All I can come up with is : Naaah he's too good for you or you're too ugly for him

    We'll all agree that these are less.. metaphoric.

    Although I think you belong to every leagues in spite of your sitting-on-plants thing ;)

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  • Totally agree.

    I know this guy and I think he is really adorably cute and classy which I think he is just way out of my league since I'm not up to the level. :-)

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  • I think most people only use it to rank looks but honestly we're all created equal :)

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  • Only ugly people would say that. Uhm there are ugly people and gorgeous people. Those two don't belong together

    The thing is I know some ugly girls that turn heads because of aura, also some ugly guys. There are different types of attractiveness .that type of aura is mysterious or sexual.

    Nice isn't qualitifted in that. Just because you're nice, doesn't make you beautiful, physical wise. Just on the inside

    People to stick to their levels. Ugly people should stay with their kind an hot people should stick to theirs. Looks first. Personality comes second

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  • yes its true

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  • Guys will agree with this when it comes to them being better looking than a girl and not wanting her because of that. Guys will disagree when it comes to them being not as good looking or not as good of a personality as a girl they want, and they hope she'll see past it. Even though they never would if the situation were reversed.

    Most girls will admit this exists.

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    • I agree. Guys value looks first, girls value personality first. Obviously not the end game in either scenario, but you're working an uphill battle

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    • He is trying to win brownie points or karma points with someone I think.

    • Idk about other girls but that doesn't win any points with me. That sounds like "yeah guys are allowed to be shallow and you guys aren't. So let me judge you by your looks, but you judge me by my personality, ok?" He's delusional. I'll admit though, a lot of girls propel this by saying they don't care about looks, but I've yet to meet a girl that was dating a guy she wasn't at all physically attracted to. Unless it was purely for money.

  • in terms of looks I can tell when a guy is way more attractive than me, my attractiveness level, or less attractive than me and I guess guys can be "ranked" that way but I don't believe in "oh, he's really cute, there's no way he'd ever go out with me because I'm not attractive enough."

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