Desperate for help with suicidal ex!!!

I'll try to make this as short as I can. I met this guy 3 years ago. He was married. They lived in the same house but he slept in the basement. I didn't believe him at first so I created a fake F-book profile & friended her. She would say that she was only married because they had 2 boys & they weren't in love etc. We continued to see each other for about 6 months. Talking literally all day/night spending the weekends together. I knew if they were anything more there's no way she'd be OK with him talking to me all the time. He took me to the marine ball & I was introduced as ‘his girl’. We weren’t hiding things. One night she went through his cell and read all of our texts and threatened to move to FL with their boys. He stopped all contact with me. I was heartbroken but felt awful because of the entire situation. It took me a long time to move on & now I realize that I never actually let him go. I thought about him all the time and kept hoping on day … well I was going through my fbook messages 2yrs later and saw this message he sent me from 6 mos back! I never saw it before for some reason. He apologized for the way things ended, telling me how amazing I was, thanked me for being there for him & showing him nothing but love etc. He said that if I hated him he understood. I sent him a message saying that I didn’t hate him. It hurt a lot & took me a while to move on but given the situation we all made mistakes. From that day on we talked/skyped/emailed/texted non-stop for a month. His wife moved out before we started talking again & they were ‘working towards a divorce’. He invited me up with my daughter for the weekend & we all had a blast! We continued to see each other for 6 mos. We got into a big fight & he said let’s just be friends so I don’t hurt you again. We tried for a month but there was obvious sexual tension & we couldn’t keep things on a platonic level while still talking all of the time. So I said that I couldn’t be just friends with him. We didn’t talk for 2 weeks & then I get phone calls & texts & voice mail with him begging me to not leave him & how he loves me & needs me etc. I emailed him back & explained to him in detail that I loved him deeply but couldn’t just be friends with him. He replied saying that he’s sorry he hurt me but doesn’t know what to say. Another 2 weeks pass & while I’m hurting trying to get over him again, I email him telling him off for hurting me again. He replies back to my work telling me how he’s so sorry & wants to kill himself. I take off & drive the 2 hours from where I live to him.

Updates:
We meet at a restaurant & he tells me how sorry he is for putting me through everything. He said he started going downhill when we stopped talking. Then he tried to make things work with his wife & found out she’d been sleeping with someone else & can’t handle it. He said he loves her but she doesn’t want to be with him. A month ago he wanted her to leave him alone & divorce him & I know/believe all this from looking through his cell.
We spent the day together & that night after he carried me to bed he swallowed a bottle of pills & drove to her house. The cops came & took him to the hospital. I waited til the next morning to pick him up. We slept all day. They were texting off & on. He was curled up crying in my arms telling me he loved me and should be with me but is still in love with her for some reason & I’m awesome & always make everything better to please fix him.
I tried staying up with him all night to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid but when I fell asleep @6am he drove to her house. His cousin who I had drive down from CT to PA went with me to her house. He said they’re going to try & make things work. I took his cousin back to his house and drove home. He wouldn’t say anything to me. That night he texted me & said he’s sorry if he hurt me but he’s going to try with her and can’t be with me. I’m hurting more than I ever have before.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's not fit to be with anyone right now, so I'd back off but leave the lines of communication open for if/when he gets his head screwed back on right.

    You can't help him. Only he can decide to start living and move on from a marriage that's doomed to fail.

    You don't want to have a suicidal Significant Other. Been there, done that, and it sucks more than I can describe.

    You don't want to be the rebound girl. His emotional state is in flux. You aren't talking to the real him, and you might not like him once he's OK again.

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    • I don't know how to look at the man that I love and my best friend going through something like this and just walk away. For him to be begging me one night to never leave him and the next day tell me someting like this. He is seeing a psychiatrist. I made him make another appt when I got there. This is killing me. This beautiful amazing man hitting rock bottom like this. And I'm just supposed to walk away ... I can't eat. I can't sleep. I feel completely helpless aside from being heartbroken.

    • A suicidal person is a lot like someone who is drowning. They can take you down with them emotionally and even physically. I'm not trying to say he's a bad guy or that you shouldn't feel what you feel, but be aware of the fact that you can't fix it and he's not going to be OK for a long time if ever. He might even go through with it and you're going to feel that at a level I can't even describe. When my ex shot herself she survived (lung shot that missed all the vital stuff) and

    • the effects on all of us that care about her were devastating. To love someone else, you have to be able to love yourself and all that. He can't right now, so he's going to be an emotional black hole until he fixes himself. Be careful. I wish I had better advice, but distance is your friend right now and he needs to put his marriage to bed first anyway.

What Guys Said 5

  • YOU can't fix this guy. He has deep psychological problems that extend far beyond anything to do with your relationship. He needs to see a psychiatrist (might even need some time in a mental hospital). He has a lot to work out between his marriage, his kids, and his personal issues. It's way too volatile a mix for you to be part of. I'd back off and leave the family alone to work on this.

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  • this is abuse towards you mental, and is illigal. get him help. get out of the situation. do not burden your self with his issues.

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  • Something like this his FAMILY needs to handle ...Not you...

    Its going to destroy as well.. I have been there...Its not worth damaging your life.

    Take care of yourself first and get his family to step in...

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  • Damned fool :<

    I concur with Anon, I'd back off and leave him :P

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    • I know it's easy to judge me and my decisions. Believe me I'm not thinking the best of myself or anything right now. Thanks!

    • I was referring to the lad, not you! xD

      Still, I'm glad you spoke out for some advice :)

  • He sinking. Don't let him drown you too.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Dont try to fix him I know its hard but trying to fix this might end up making it worse

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