Trying to make something work?

Okay so at least there are a lot of areas in my life I need improvement on. First of all is talking to girls and actually getting past a first date and hopefully working my way to a relationship. Another thing is updating my wardrobe (because I am not big on buying clothes because styles change to often for me.). With the whole outfit area a lot of the stuff I wear are out of date, or too baggy. I used to be bigger, which I am still chubby (but lost a couple pounds) and a lot of shirts look baggy on me. I also tend to wear a lot of button ups which I hear is out of style.

Okay so to the point there is this girl I am supposed to go on a date with in a couple days. She is younger then me and more then likely has had more experience then me. For me I haven't had a kiss, still a virgin and can't talk to women. Just have a fear that seems like it won't go away is preventing me from thinking of what to talk about. The funny thing is I have gone on a few dates. At the same time they haven't gone anywhere, which has also fed into my believe that there is something wrong with me since I was not able to convert those dates into possible relationships and the fact I am still a virgin.

I have no idea of what I should do to actually keep a girl interested. In my head right now is like okay this is a date, nothing is going to come of it. Something is going to creep her out and everything is going to stop after this and I am going to be a laughing stalk like I already am. I don't know if it is the fact I don't really say much or try to make a move on a girl that makes it seem like I put up walls. Or me calling about two-three times a week for girls that I really like that make me come off as desperate. I don't know how to put myself out there and actually show a girl hey I like you. Also don't know how not to come off as a newbie, because to me at my age not having a relationship at all or even sex is very embarrassing (which it should be I guess, because I should have gone through this phase long ago in my life.)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think your problem has anything to do with women, or your wardrobe or all those other things you mentioned. They're all red herrings created to shield what your real issues are. You have no self confidence, you're full of negativity and self doubt.

    The fact that you're not in the best physical condition says a lot about how much you value yourself. It's symptomatic of a deep down issue. You are oozing with negative thoughts and the more you allow these negative thoughts play in your mind, the more entrenched and a part of you it becomes. It affects your every being and your aura. People can feel that and they typically run away from that. As humans, we like to be around confident, happy, life of the party types, because they make us feel confident and happy. We're drawn to them and want to bask in their happiness. Negativity repels people. No one wants to feel or think about their own sadness or deficiencies so if that's what you're bringing to the table, it makes all the sense why the girls don't stick around.

    You haven't even gone on the date and you've put out almost every negative thought and fear you can think. I'm this, I don't have that, I can't this, I haven't that. It would have been nice if you instead lead with all of the great things about you. Is there nothing great about you we should know? Anything interesting? Any hopes and dreams? That would be a great conversation starter. You need badges of honor, things you can and should be proud of and lead with that.

    If you want to be interesting...be interested. Ask questions that will help you get to know her better. Yes, meeting someone can be a crazy nervous situation, but if your coming into the situation with a positive mindset and some qualities you know should be appreciated, then you need not worry about how much you don't have, because its not about that.

    If you want a chance at love, you need to start with working on self love. No one wants to stick with someone with a cloud over their head. Inexperience is no excuse for not seeking out knowledge. Especially in this day and age. All you need to know about sex or anything has been written in a book and even on video. No need to fear that your inexperience will be a problem. The right girl will appreciate rather than ridicule this about you.

    Finally, make sure you are aware of the inputs you are feeding yourself. It is the inception of all of your sadness and needs to be actively worked on. For every negative thought, you'll have to counter it with two positives until you start to believe you are worthy of love and happiness. Until you master this, nothing else matters.

    Make it your mission to approach this date and all dates with a new, empowered attitude. This minute change has the potential to change your life. I know, because it was a journey I had to conquer for myself.

    I wish you luck.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Honey don't stress. Some girls (like myself) are looking for guys that haven't had more partner that regrettable tan line on my arm. I some how found myself a guy who was in a similar situation as you and I will never regret it because I know at the core of this relationship is trust. If you are worries that you don't have things in common, ask her first. Ask her what she is interested in, her pet peeves, her hobbies, or high school? Trust me, girls like to talk about things. Never be aggressive on a first date "your hot!" instead complement "you look gorgeous in that dress" or "that dress looks amazing on you". Be a gentleman is always good for any type of girl. Girls that look for guys with experience want to have fun and relationships can't really be built on fun, you need trust.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Sounds like you're choking on what you think you should be and it's cramping your confidence for no reason. She likes you. She knows you like her. You're good to go. Just hang out and have fun doing fun stuff with her and if it goes farther it goes farther. Your virginity is an asset in some ways. You're guaranteed clean. Depending on how experienced she is she might even find it a turn-on.

    Relax, smile, and enjoy the lady's company.

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