If I like you, I will flood your inbox

I don't know what's wrong with me. When I like a guy, I want to be in touch with him as often as possible. I know this alienates most guys. A girl who is too available and makes it known she's into you is the last thing a guy wants. But even though I know all of this, I find it hard to break this pathetic behavior . I'm quite aware that the guys are annoyed, and probably roll their eyes each time they see me in their inbox, but I just can't stop.

Now I'm thinking that I will try to stay away from this guy's inbox for 1-2 weeks. He's not a boyfriend, but he's someone I like. Started talking to him on a dating site. I've noticed (but it may be paranoia) that he avoids me lately, and I assume it's related to the fact that I'm just too much. Always there. No mystery. No hunt. No nothing. And then when the guys don't write as often as I'd like, I get upset. I barely ever tell them, but I suffer in silence.

I don't know, say something to me, guys. Don't be rude though, I know I have issues. Hahaha!

Updates:
Honestly guys, it's getting to me so much that he's on the dating site. Has been on there at least three times today and I've not heard from him in two days. I get he's not into me, and I really want to stop sending him messages. It would be easier to do so if I knew it bothered him though, but I fear he won't give a sh*t.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • The problem here is not so much that you give a guy attention or make it known that you like him, but you come off as needy. What I mean by this is that you center your life and thoughts around this guy, messaging him and thinking about him constantly. Find a hobby, honestly. Develop your own passions, whatever they may be. Also, have more than just one reliable listener for your emotions, don't let a single guy you like become this sole listener because you're investing way too much in a singular person. We all want to be loved, but we also all want a little room, so don't push too hard to show you like someone, don't devote your life to them just yet.

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    • So how often do you think would it be OK to message him? Once a week? Or whenever he messages? Should I follow that rule that I wait a day or two when he does write? I'm trying not to write to him as I've not heard from him in three days now.

    • When you do message, make it count. There's no problem replying to anything he writes you. If he however is not messaging you back, you have to take it in several ways, either A. He's ignoring you or B. He hasn't had a means to message you such as not being on the computer for several days. I'd say message him no more than once or twice a day as an initiator to let him know you're interested. After maybe a week, drop it. If he's not starting up conversations in response, he's not interested.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Keep yourself busy, try going out with friends or focusing on work or a hobby! Don't sit staring at a computer waiting for that one guy.

    There is nothing worse than coming across as needy and most guys will run a mile. As much as you are itching too continue mailing him just you know DONT. I know it's not that easy but go work out or watch TV or read a book anything. When he replies, take a good 10 min too reply. Don't seem so available.

    If you do this, you will have guys flooding your inbox which is what you want.

    For me, when a guy I like texts me I read the text and wait. Then I will reply some minutes later. If he doesn't reply I will NEVER double text him. If he doesn't reply he isn't worth my time in my head. I was kind of brought up by a mother who drilled into me that I am a freaking goddess and that guys should be lucky too have me. I know I'm not, but this persona means I've never been dumped or had my hearty broken so I must be doing something right.

    Good luck babe.

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    • I think that's my main issue, that I don't think of myself as a goddess. My self-esteem is pretty much non-existent at the moment. So I take it very personally and to heart when someone seems to avoid me, or rather spends his time talking to other girls. It always makes me feel like I'm inferior and worthless. I know this is stupid. I wish I could fix this issue somehow because I don't like this :-( I will try not to send him any more messages, if he writes, I'll wait and send something short.

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    • Yeah you will move on! He's obviously not the one and to be frank downright rude! He doesn't deserve you. You're worth more! Try too chill a bit and remember guys like girls who don't seem so available it makes them wonder what they are missing.

    • You know, it might be weird but I want him to feel regret over what he did. I think one of the things that bothers me most is that he seems to think he's too good for me, or that he can get better. I want him to one day sit there and think "damn, I was an idiot, she was great". But I doubt that's ever going to happen. He seems to be a player and probably incapable of feelings.

What Guys Said 8

  • Those are some serious issues. You seem attention-starved and most guys don't like to feel like they are required to spend every waking minute communicating with someone. You'll occasionally find a guy that's into it but it's few and far between. Just take a breath and take your time getting to know someone. Find why you're like the way you are and it'll make it easier to figure out how to stop.

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    • I know I have serious issues, and it annoys me that it's getting to me so much when in reality I just shouldn't care. Like when I see him on the dating site, for me, it's like a slap in my face. Although he's free to do what he wants. I don't know why I'm like this. It seems to be a pretty recent development. I just wonder how often I should get in touch. When he doesn't reply I sort of feel that he didn't like the email so I send another to get a reply. Ugh I have issues!

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    • No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure if I want a child. It's more like I never had the option to seriously consider it. It's like it was decided for me and I had no say. In fact, for a while, I thought I was pregnant from that guy I mentioned since we had sex twice and my period was late. I think I would have been OK with it, he would have thrown a fit though.

    • Hahaha! Kids aren't for everyone :)

  • Aw, poor, poor Ms. Anon. You know you're doing this, it's a conscious action, you can choose to stop. So, stop lol. If you know it's bothering and driving away men, work on changing yourself.

    Tone down your emails :P

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    • Well, in this particular case I just get so frustrated when I see he's been on and hasn't messaged me. I've got no problem when he hasn't been on hahaha.

  • Which dating site is this?

    I think dating sites are a bunch of scam. From what I heard and read, they null your sent messages so that the other user won't be able to get it or read it. Now why do they do that? So that they can keep earning money from the advertisements.

    If they don't null the messaging system, then hookups and finding compatibility would be so easy. This will then lead to less and less people coming to the dating site because the success is 100%.

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    • I guess that's possible. But not in my case since we use personal email accounts to communicate. We started talking on OkCupid but soon exchanged email addresses. So he's definitely getting my emails (might avoid reading them though) and he's definitely not writing very often. I'm just impossible.

    • Well if you flood his inbox, then his email will see it as a spam and put your messages on spam or block you. Its not his fault its the system's way of preventing nuisance.

      Anyway, I think what you should do is sitdown and write a letter to him. Do it oldschool style, this you will have more time and thought to put down what you have to say in one message rather than flooding him.

    • Honestly, he avoids me on purpose. I know he reads my emails at some point, but he takes his time, probably because he's annoyed and don't like me or something. I can see his on the dating site, so I know he's got time and all.

  • 1-5 messages a day to someone I'm starting to talk to. That's my rule.

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    • So after five messages you end the conversation and continue it the next day?

  • Maybe he's busy because of the December Holiday seasons?

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    • He might be busy, but the thing is he keeps logging into the dating site several times a day. So he obviously does have time for things that matter to him. I just hope this will stop hurting soon because it's quite silly to be upset over someone who doesn't appreciate you!

  • I do the exact same thing to girls, and they hate it. So I feel for ya.

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    • You mean you flood their inboxes? Or that you ignore them mostly like this guy does to me?

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    • That's actually a pretty good idea...

    • I've never met a guy who's like that in the long-term though! In the beginning they all love the attention and think it's cute, but then they get sick of it.

  • Seriously, delete your online dating account, get out of the house and meet real people, in person!

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    • Already deleted. But doesn't really fix my problem with this guy!

  • It's normal, you got a crush. A huge crush.

    But control yourself, I'm sure that the one who suffers the most in this situation is not that guy whose inbox is flooded but you, who doesn't receive what she seeks. It is a miserable condition, but it would not be if there would be reciprocation.

    I'll tell you something - never idealize people. Especially when you got a crush, you think someone is way better they really are. They are not. Do your best to play it cool and know that everyone have flaws, get to know someone as good as possible before you let your emotions unleashed.

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    • It's true that I tend to put guys I like on a pedestal which they definitely don't deserve. I mean I don't want to brag but I could have lots of guys, but yet I always get stuck on someone who's probably not even the best match for me. It hurts me to see that he logs onto the dating site several times a day. It makes me feel so worthless. I know this is stupid. Sometimes I want to yell at him, but I realize that's psychotic and wrong because I'm the one with the issues and he does nothing wrong.

What Girls Said 1

  • Wow yes if you are aware, then you know that you are only destroying any possibilities. Find a solution... Otherwise you will end up hurting yourself and guys would run the hills. Good luck.

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