Guys: What is the issue here?

I'll preface this question with ... no one knows me or the people I'm dating so you can only assume but I will do my best to put the full truth forward. I am a pretty, smart, honest, loyal, and upfront female (also, at one time, very successful in my career). I'm now 47 - and am told (often) I look about 32. I exercise all the time and (have also been told) I'm in great shape. I intend to *try* to do an NPC bikini competition next year. So I think I'm a good catch.

I broke up with my last boyfriend nearly TWO years ago. He was a rotten abuser and yet HE found another girlfriend in about 2 weeks (and has continued to have gfs this whole time - perhaps even the same one, I'm not sure) while I've had nothing but trouble.

SEVERAL times over the past few months - after having a successful first and very often second date - I don't hear from the guy again. SILENCE. I even went out with one guy for a month back in September and STILL cannot figure out what happened with him. I thought everything was going fine. The last time I heard from him was a day we had a minor issue about texting versus calling, but it was - I thought - resolved, but when I didn't hear from him the rest of that day I texted ONCE - and called ONCE - (as I am not going to make a fool out of myself) but he never replied. Not even the common courtesy to explain why.

What is it with people - ADULTS - not replying, or just not bothering anymore?

NOW, the guy I went on TWO dates with this week (the 1st date being Tuesday and the 2nd date being last night) just did the same thing - and this was after what I *thought* had been a fun night. There was loads of chemistry (he was all over me last night) and then today POOF! He's gone. No explanation. I've heard nothing from him when EVERY day prior he would say "good morning" or "how are you?"

While he did come back to my house last night, we did NOT have sex. We just kissed a lot. He couldn't seem to STOP kissing me in fact, even seemed reluctant to leave - not getting up to go until 2:30 am. He left and I've not heard a word since - and no, I don't for a minute think he's just busy. If it was important, he'd take 2 seconds to send a text. He sent one every day prior to this.

Is this the NEW way of dating? I didn't notice this trend as little as 10 years ago nor even 5 years ago but it seems people just disappear without a word.

FWIW, I'm not going to text or call him. It is clear he is sending a message. You don't go from texting someone everyday to nothing if you're interested in that person, but ... wow. Makes me just want to give up with the dating.

Thanks for any thoughts or advice.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • These guys that you are pickin are prob just in it for sex and when you hang out w them and no sex then poof they are gone cause that's all they were lookin for and there are plenty of other girls out there willing to put out. Sucks doesn't it? There are a lot of users and bad guys out there. To find a good one is just the luck of the draw. Sounds like you're sorta on the right path tho because you're not sleeping w them right away. They are doing you a favor by hightailin it outta there when you don't put out to allow you to find a great guy. From what you say you sound like a very sexy lady and you are prob attracting players that are drawn to the physical side of you. These guys prob approach you all the time cause they are confident and have many ladies in their back pocket so they don't fear rejection as much as the normal guys. Stay away from these guys and maybe try approaching the shyer guys who tend to be a little more reliable and less full of themselves. Maybe switch up where you are meeting these guys. Ya know stay outta the clubs, bars, etc. Good luck!

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    • Hi, thank you! Appreciate the input - and the compliments :) Most guys who seem me don't run in the other direction lol. I've taken very good care of myself - and this guy was ALL over me. He even commented that I had a great figure and was pretty. So I don't think it was how I looked physically. My problem is I like sex too! Lol. And I often FEEL like doing the same thing they want to do. I hate the we women have to keep our hormones in check while they don't have to worry about it.

What Guys Said 2

  • I dislike people who don't respond even to say no either but unfortunately its something lots of people seem to do. The guys who are poofing on you are just guys who gave you a chance and have decided that you 2 are not a good match, its frustrating but not a big deal because its obviously better to be with the right person then the wrong one. putting stock in things like "the rules" is a BIG! mistake.

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    • Jager, ME TOO! At least be decent enough to say "hey, I enjoyed meeting you but I think we aren't right for each other." I think its douche-y to say nothing.

  • While I can't tell you why they stopped contacting you because I don't know what went down on the dates, I know guys do this when they lose interest or motivation to pursue any further.

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What Girls Said 1

  • You should be multiple dating and not constantly looking at your phone for reassurance and texts from a guy. I'm a firm believer in "the rules" and I don't hardly ever text back men who text me. When you answer their texts, you are sending the message that you're just a casual relationship. If a man wants to talk to you, he needs to call again and again to reach you on the phone.

    I hate the way men act sometimes. I'm 39 years old and I see guys "poof" all the time. I don't lose hope though. I'm in great shape also and a personal trainer so I know it's not the way I look.

    Don't take all of this personally. Just know that if a guy really really likes you he would not behave that way. These unreliable and flaky men are weeding themselves out...but really if he didn't text one day, don't get so hung up on it...you're way to busy to notice. Multiple date!

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    • Lol, you and I have the same ID "FitGal": (but I don't use it here). Thank you for your advice. I WISH I could be a multiple dater. Friends have often said "don't put your eggs in one basket." But the kind of guys I like are SO HARD TO FIND! I like guys who are VERY in shape, tall. I have a hard time finding them so its difficult to "fill the basket." So when one disappears on me it might be MONTHS b4 another decent one comes along. This jerk even told me he was a "nice guy" haha.

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