Have you ever had success with online dating?

I started with datemyschool but wasn't really clicking with anyone... and then I recently joined okcupid which is fun and I feel like I'm meeting some great guys but the sheer masses of guys in chicago trying to message me is really overwhelming, I wish there was a way to set it where guys can't message me unless I message them first :P any success stories (or just amusing fails) that you want to share?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating is great for women, it sucks for men. Also I used it quite extensively for about a year (match and okcupid).

    First of all, there is about one girl for every 4 men on dating websites. This really doesn't require much explanation as its common sense. Girls don't have to try as hard as men to get dates. They generally can just go about their day at if she is at least mildly attractive, odds are there is at least one guy at any given point in time who is interested & pursuing her. Men on the other hand take a more active roll, so its common for us to use dating sites. It's like another pasture for us to go hunting in. Because of this same idea, the girls who tend to be found on online dating sites are usually not very attractive (not saying you're not). Again, good looking girls don't need to resort to online dating to get dates.

    Let's do some math using what I've just stated above. For the sake of argument let's say our dating site has 40 guys and 10 girls (4/1 ratio). Out of those 10 girls, let's say 2 of them are very attractive (about 10-30% of women on online dating sites are 7+ on looks). That means that for each one of those 2 girls is getting 20 messages. This explain why you, as well as many other attractive women, report similar experiences. I know a women in my office who was 28 and pretty attractive was getting about 100 messages a week. So for a girl, this is all positive, for men, it means your just one fish among many.

    One other positives of online dating is also its negative. There is such a large selection of people to choose from, it can be overwhelming. It can also cause you to be more shallow than you otherwise would be in a real world situation. When dating become like window shopping and we're presented with a long list of search filters, of course we're going to build our perfect mate. This also causes us to focus on things that really don't matter. You might pass someone up that had you met them in real life would have liked them. Maybe you put in minimum 5'10 but there was a perfect guy who was 5'9. Maybe he has brown eyes but you said you wanted blue. These guys you are passing up might have been perfect for you and had you met them more naturally would have realized that and overlooked these superficial things. Plus when dating turns into window shopping, your going to be tempted to pick the best one of the bunch. Again, going back to my statistics above. Everyone gravitates to the same few people who are the most attractive, simply because we can. They are made available. In real life, you can't always ask out the most attractive person in town, because you simply have never run across them. Online dating strips you of these real world boundaries.

    In a nutshell, Online dating has its place but I would never rely on it (as a guy). For girls its much better. Just be careful. There are quite a few, if not most users, who are perves, just looking for desperate girls they can lay then kick to the curb.

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What Guys Said 31

  • If you are refering to sheer numbers of success as in meeting someone - YES

    But if you are talking about 'quality' relationships then success and failure depends on the individuals. I'm sure there are success stories too out there :)

    However, an online site is like an ad in a newspaper where one gets to see and perceive what's shown, only on meeting does one realize what they get and ofcourse further on in a relationship is another story ;)

    When we publicize ourselves as available online getting sheer mass and not matching our mentioned tastes etc is an obvious garnish to the dish :D I'm sure there are sites that allow you to block someone or a particular ID but most don't do that cause people use 'user names' that may be replicated by other users too and such reasons.

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  • Online dating can work as long as your not just attracted to the attractive photos, because some of them will be false, so be open to most mails you get, and someone will grab your attention, and when or if you exchange email addresses, then you can start to organise meeting up, but by then you will know if you like him or not, so I say, chat to all your mails unless they are un reachable withion distance to travel, ie for them or you, as this will just take up a lot of time and emotional effort and get you nowhere, stick with the ones within driving distance to you ie a few hours drive max or train ride,x

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  • I me my partner on eharmony. Now I had a few weird, OK, bad dates over the course of about a one 1/2 years but I met my girfriend on there and we will have been together for 2 years this coming February.

    I liked eharmony (I tried, chemistry, POF, & match) because it really got into specifics about who you are and what you look for. Girls and Guys could send each other messages but there are strict guidelines (set questions) you could ask in the initial contact. I liked it and happy I chose eharm

    Good luck!

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  • I can't think of one time I met a girl online and we still stay in touch.

    Of course, I was meeting girls on Myspace before Zuckerburg ever stole Facebook.

    Now I'm on OK Cupid, but I don't get in touch with many women. If our numbers are just too good to pass up, I drop a few lines. No more than a moment's thought, though.

    I know there's a huge horde of guys applying every dating technique they can think of. It's a rare woman who will notice someone like me just testing the waters. There's too many show-offs bombarding her.

    I meet women in the grocery store. Or coffee shops, bookstores, coffeshopbookstores, or the running path. They're completely incompatible with me. Probably 40% match, 50% friend, 30% enemy. I notice those are the ones I'm attracted to when I flip through photos on OK Cupid, too. Why?

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  • I've had fun making up profiles and watching people show up, thiking they're meeting a hot six foot blond, or a guy who retired from his business at 40 and wants a hot young chick to travel the world with.

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  • Online dating got me friends with benefits and one night stands. Not once a girlfriend. After a year, you will see the same people still online on the site. It is either they are using such sites for sex and not looking for anything serious, or the site is failing to help them find a partner.

    Try your luck. You never know.

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  • Girls that message me and reach out to me - or respond to me readily online - are a LOT heavier and uglier and with less social upwards mobility or interests in life, compared to offline.

    I think people judge a lot more readily and more shallow online.

    Maybe I'm not lying enough or using pix from far enough ago or don't photoshop them enough or whatever, but I find a stark difference indeed between people I meet in person from online vs. directly offline.

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  • I would like to date online but all the research that I did suggest that sites are all about making money rather than helping people. Not that I mind paying, but I'm not paying for not getting any dates out of it and even getting fake messages.

    I think it's easier to meet people via Facebook than it is to go on a dating site...

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  • The real idea behind online dating is to provide a means through technology to those people who unfortunately live in certain area of the world where the correct amount of opposite sex people are unavailable. Hence, it increases your possibility of finding real contacts to develop a relationship and reduces your useless hopes ( that someone proper will meet me nearby one day ) and reduces your expenditure of shifting from that void place to other places practically for a better chance. However, in world anything can be equally used for either good or bad! and online dating can be and is a hub of crap people too, so now this online dating is just like a gamble.. you may win sooner or later or may be never.

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  • no and definity no plans to try any of the online dating sites , I live in a small town so there isn't much point in this area . in the past they proved highly unproductive for me

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  • I've tried all kinds if dating sites only 2 times did it work for me. I think its a hit or miss. Honestly it sounds like your attractive so take it as a good thing all these guys wanna talk to you. I wish I could be overwhelmed by a bunch of hot girls wanting to talk to me. lol

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  • Yes I meet my ex-girlfriend there so no :)

    Haha naw but it works, it’s a good way to get to know someone before you meet them, I wished it had worked out, we were together for a year, so it was good anyways.

    I've heard girls get bombarded with mails, while we guys get none, true story, for every 100 mails I send out I probably get like 2-3 mails that is totally initiated by a girl. Reponses however is 40-50% usually.

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  • Now that I look back on it, I actually enjoyed some moderate success with dating sites when compared to most men (most guys have no luck on dating sites). In the first 6 months I must've gone out with and banged 5 or 6 chicks (who were only average or below average looking)... but now, I see it for the crock that it is... haven't had a successful date from okcupid in nearly a year. Like one guy said - the initial meeting is usually void of chemistry. You can talk with someone for weeks, share the same interests, but most of the time when you meet in person, it just falls short.

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  • No. Its solidly aimed at girls. There's a lot more girls then guys and most guys just spam all the girls (which I can't bring myself to do). Girls then choose.

    I read a paper the other day about how online dating gave some women an inflated sense of self worth and led them to gain unrealistic expectations due to suddenly being in really in demand whereas in the real world with normal ways of approaching relationships they were not.

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  • Not through dating sites. I've met people from sites about stuff I do for fun and made connections that way though.

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  • Nope. I had one online relationship. That turned to complete sh*t and a waste of time. Sadly it's hard to find the right person both in your city or online

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  • Try POF, they have this feature. It's possible that OKCupid have this feature but might take some looking.

    Some guy mentioned in detail about online dating. Check the research that OKCupid done.

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    • blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/

  • bitches, they come they go. Saturday through Sunday Monday, Monday through Sunday yo.

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  • Wait, whoa whoa whoa...are you saying that women can only choose men they wish to be with..and men aren't allowed to be with who they want? Is that what you're saying..oh wise one!

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    • haha sounds like a normal day in the real world to me

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    • You're still not answering me

    • that is pretty much what you're saying, but its fine as everyone thinks this way regardless of what they want to admit

  • sadly no

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  • I do not believe any relationship from on line!

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  • I'm handsome :Dthis is a big risk for handsome man xadaswfasf

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  • sure I go to ashley madison to bang other guys wives.

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  • I got to know my wife like this and it still works perfectly :)

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  • Not yet. One thing I've noticed though is most of the ladies are unattractive, and the ones that are almost always have the title "looking for a good guy" or something close to it, This is on POF that is

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  • I've met a few girls worth it -- I have one set up now that seems to be great -- we'll see :) Just have to be patient -- most people suck on those.

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  • You might find bunch of guys from your answers hitting on you if they are from around your area :D

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  • I've given it a go twice, once was on a free site and the other was paid. The free sites generally have more people but the bulk of those people aren't really looking for a relationship (guys looking for sex or girls looking for an ego boost). The paid site was better but there was far less people, I met a girl on this site who I clicked with but it didn't work out, we're still friends. Overall I found it really awkward and somewhat creepy since you met them on the net. I've had far more success meeting people out and about, and I think keeping it in the real world just works better.

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  • Met a cute funny great amazing best person I've ever talked to. But She never showed up to meet me and was leading me on with her great stories. I'm clever and tried to catch her but she always came up with something.

    She had an ex boyfriend who went to my old high school, a pretend friend who was also herself who would be angry and insult me.

    Tracked her to Arizona eventually and phone linked the number to her Facebook.

    WTF?

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  • t works for a few people but fails for the vast majority. I tried it once for a month and it felt very weird to me, totally fake and without substance. It felt like everybody was just window shopping (me included) and had nothing to say. May be I didn't give it enough time but it felt very unnatural. The whole fun of flirting was absent. It felt more like a cold business transaction and everybody seemed to bluff about their resume to boost their chances, which makes sense since everybody is window shopping and ready to click "next" as soon as one tiny detail about a person doesn't meet their long list of demands. A friend of mine has gone out with like 10 different girls in the last couple of months. Nothing came out of it. And I don't even know how many he had to talk to online to reach that point! Huge waste of time. In that time frame I can get out with a few different girls, may be not 10, but the ones I do go out with I know from the get go there is a connection because we flirted and all first. I think online dating creates a very fake and skewed reality. People just aren't themselves there.

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What Girls Said 4

  • No, but I think that could be more because of my personality.

    I've tried online dating twice. Both times failed miserably. The first time I was just 18 and a 23 year old was manipulative of my emotional struggles. The second time I was 19. I didn't plan for it to happen, it just did. I was here and met a guy who I clicked with instantly. The connection and chemistry was so intense and we couldn't find a connection as engaging so we couldn't help but explore it. In the end, we were both immature, but he disappointed me obsessing over his virginity and lack of female experience. He was so eager to get layed that he would sacrifice whatever connection we had if it meant getting a chance in a girl's pants. *ha, that rhymed lol* Which really I understand since he didn't have much experience with the opposite sex and we lived far away.

    But to be honest, I don't think online dating could ever truly satisfy me. Online dating restricts and confines your possibilities with that person. No late night drives, no romantic dinners, romantic surprises, romantic nights in, no adventures together, none of that. I couldn't take it. I yearn for a romantic experience that online dating cannot fulfill. I don't like a majority of my time and energy being taken over by technology. I don't like the idea of siting around by my computer or phone so that I can maintain a relationship. I want someone I can touch, hold, hug, and actually physically do things with. Not someone online who can misrepresent or totally lie to me about who they are. But good luck to anyone who chooses a different path :)

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    • My aunt is married to a guy who she met in real life, but actually is in a long distance relationship now because of his job...also, they couldn't stand ALWAYS being around each other. It's easy to say "no, they don't work" when you yourself haven't had the best experiences with them...but you have to remember, there are 7 billion people in the world...one of them, if not all 7 billion, is bound to work out, right?

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    • As I said..it's not for everyone..but you shouldn't blast others for doing it

    • coolguy1989, you're being way too sesntive. I'm not "blasting" others. I'm sharing my opinion and experience as the QA asked. If you can't handle someone giving a blunt opinion, then you shouldn't read it and choose to participate in their post. Rather than discouraging them from speaking their mind when really you have absolutely no control over that.

  • Well I met a guy on a dating website called oasis,I met him a couple of times and now he just says how he's busy and then will arrange to meet up with me,but so far has not followed through with it. So not really a success with it,but there are some cases where it works out

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    • If they're dumb excuses (just like women do), then it's time to move on...but if they seem like legit excuses, then he could really just be busy. You have to go into relationships knowing that people are going to be busy..and not always around, ya know?

    • I guess so,but to be honest he doesn't make an excuse apart from it being uni work and if he don't make an excuse he just never bothers to text back. I'm just seeing if he actually bothers,to be honest if he's not into me even though he said he was I would rather know the truth.

  • Kinda but not really because I knew him from before but got back in contact with each other through a social site not so much a dating one.But all went well for sometime but it never really worked ou at the end, we did see each other a couple of times but not like everyday.We realized we both wanted something different so ended it after quite sometime.

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  • No I'm really ugly and online dating is only going to be humiliating for me.

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    • Eh, even ugly people find love

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    • honeyitsme,

      It's not sarcastic. I would prefer that somebody see's me in person from the very very beginning.

    • I meant to write sees without an abbreviation symbol. Not see's.

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