My ex and I were in a long distance relationship and I spent a lot of time trying to overcome the urge of texting him after we broke up. I never texted him initially unless he sent me one. (I was the one who broke up with him, because I could see he was confused and in a lot of pain because of the distance. We didn't see each other for six months, so he agreed. Even though I loved him incredibly much, I thought the best thing I could do for him at that time is to let him go.) For the past few days, I had finally given up thinking of how to get back with him by going to a graduate school where he is. I think it might be an absurd idea since I have no idea if he still has feelings for me.
Then, I got a message from him last night saying he was at the cinema and he thought of me a lot while watching the movie. I thought of texting him back, but the truth is every single time when I get something like this, it hurts me. Even though how sweet it is, he is still not mine. I certainly don't want to be his safety net that he can hang onto when he can't find somebody out there. What is he trying to convey in his message since we are so far away? Should I put my dignity aside and tell him that I still have feelings for him and I want him back, and see what he says? Or I should tell him that he is making my life harder? What should I do? What should I be telling him?
Most Helpful Guy
As I understand it, you didn't want to break up with him, but did so because you thought you were protecting him. No disrespect, but he doesn't need your protection; he is a man. By staying in the relationship, he was telling you that he believed it was worth it. Ignoring him when he reaches out to you is not the right thing to do especially if you love him and want to be with him. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. I doubt that he is using you as a "safety net". It seems like he still has genuine feelings for you. After all, it was you who broke it off. If a guy gets dumped and he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, most guys will just ignore her, not seek her out repeatedly through texts etc. There would be no reason to. Also, having a "safety net" that is a thousand miles away is a pretty useless safety net, especially considering the fact that the whole point in a "safety net" is to protect you from being lonely and the whole reason you broke it off with him is because you thought the pain of loneliness was too much for him.
When you do talk to him, it is absolutely important that you tell him that you didn't want to brake up with him because you still love him. An apology for not respecting him as a man and letting him make his own decisions would probably help.
The most important thing that needs to happen is an honest, uninterrupted conversation between the 2 of you; where you tell him how you feel and what you want (to be with him) and ask him what he wants (regardless of what it takes to make it happen. just what do you want?)
I couldn't tell by what you said if you are already going to grad school but were thinking of transferring to where he is, or if you where thinking of starting grad school just to be with him. I would not recommend starting grad school just to be with him. It is expensive and very time consuming; and you would be spending a lot of time on school and have less with him compared to, say, a part time job. Instead, I would suggest just moving out there to be with him and getting a basic job to pay the bills. Most people make way too big a deal of moving to another city for something like this. If you just ignore him and don't ever get back together with him, in 50 years how important is this exact year of work going to be to you? Earth-shattering? Or are you going to wish you had talked to him and seen where it went? If you do end up marrying this guy, don't you think it would be worth a year sharing an apartment, with an average job to pay the bills while you experience your life and explore your relationship? And if it doesn't work out, just move back home and resume your life as it was before. It's only a year. Think about it. You have already wasted 6 months away from him; you could have been half way through figuring this out. Which is more important? A year's worth of work that you could just as easily do next year? Or the man you may marry some day?1
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