Guys, why do you ask us out ON A TEXT?

Is it because it makes the rejection you are expecting easier?

I've had guys that I've met online and guys that I haven't met yet but just talked to on the phone TEXT me and ask me out several times lately. This is all new. My feeling is that if a guy doesn't want to talk to me and can't give me a phone call to set up a time to meet, he's not the kind of take charge guy I'm going to respect anyway. I have not yet returned any of the 3 texts I got from 3 different guys, 2 I have met before and one trying to meet for the first time.

What to say or do with these texts? One of the guys I went out with once. He lives far away, so despite a few attempts to get together, didn't stay in touch. Then out of the blue on the HOLIDAYS he wants to get together?

Do I take these as insults or is this how it is these days? Just so you all know, it sends the message that you are putting in the MINIMUM effort to get a girl's attention. So far, my reaction is to igore them completely. I think if a guy really likes a girl, he will put in some effort to win a date with her. I am used to a guy trying a LOT harder, especially in the beginning.

What say ye?

Suzi

  • Ignore the texts
    67% (2)38% (5)44% (7)Vote
  • Respond days later with an, "I didn't see this till now. Sorry. Next time please call."
    33% (1)62% (8)56% (9)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
So, basically, if I want a strong, confident guy who has some interest, I should wait for the phone call because based on your answers, only the ones that are shy, insecure, don't have any strong feelings about it or need coddling are the ones that will text me. I suppose I'm looking for a stronger guy than most of you out there.
Thanks for all your comments! I now know that I simply don't WANT a guy who will opt out for the easiest, most convenient, least risky thing for HIM and will wait for a guy who shows a little courtesy and consideration of what the person he's ASKING OUT wants as well.


I want a guy who is considerate of another person, and doesn't make decisions based on his OWN COMFORT ONLY. I will wait for a man who shows courtesy and consideration.

People! NO NEED to be so RUDE and MEAN! Just trying to get insight as to why guys text for dates! I am not interested in a guy who puts so LITTLE effort into finding the most important person in his life to be with! Texting is the LEAST amount of effort, and shows insecurity, and a guy not willing to take a riskt. So far, that's what you have all been saying; that you are insecure and afraid of rejection and that we women should coddle you! Not interested in that type of guy, that's all!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally, I do not wait, I ask women I like out immediately in person when I see them. However, I do understand why the vast majority of people rely on texting to gauge interest.

    When I text you instead of calling you, I am being chivalrous and considerate. I am giving you a chance to think and make the correct decision.

    If I called and asked you out, you would have a fraction of a second to answer. It is not always that you are so sure of me or how you feel about us going out. Sometimes it is a surprise and a woman has to think about it a little bit. Most often than not, a woman will not answer for this exact reason. It is even worse when I ask you in person. More pressure on you.

    Texting works better than other forms of writing -Email, letters, cards- and leaving phone messages because text arrives instantly to your cell phone. At these times, most of us carry our cell phones or keep them nearby at all times. It is almost guaranteed that you will receive my invitation on time.

    Texting is a little bit impersonal, yes. But it is reliable. Not to mention that it is polite, fair and considerate to give you time to respond in the way you prefer and are comfortable with.

    If you are a decent and warm-hearted woman, rejecting someone is an unpleasant experience, especially if this man is a good and nice one. Texting is by far the easiest and gentlest way I know to let me down. Hence, it is less pressure for me and more control for you.

    And yes. It is how things are working on the dating scene these days. Good or bad, it is up to you to decide according to your background and how your grew up. But you cannot misjudge men for being disinterested, weak, lazy or cowardly just because you find texting unusual or unconventional.

    I wish you all the best on the dating scene and the journey to find your other half.

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What Guys Said 22

  • Your poll is severely skewed and the options are plain assinine. Guys text because it's more convenient and less pressure. If you have two options that accomplish the same thing but one requires less stress, which do you choose? Yes, speaking on the phone with someone who you like can be very stressful for some people because you don't want to screw it up somehow. Texting affords the user the opportunity to come up with responses without stress, as they're not on the spot so-to-speak. Additionally, some girls find that calling so soon is a sign of clinginess and scares her off, so it may deter guys from calling. Plus, rejection is easier to handle when it's impersonal. There's no immediate sense of embarassment.

    Don't ignore the texts, that's just a bitch-move. If you want him to call, text him back with an answer to his question. Then when you're with him in person, ask him to give you a call sometime and tell him you don't like texting because you find it impersonal, but don't make a big deal about it. He should get the hint without being embarrassed that he didn't call before.

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    • Ok, I didn't think about the poll much! Suggestions? What other choices should there be?

  • There is more to choose from in the mating buffet, than ever was before.

    This is a new generation, a new era, a new decade. Its more fast paced and no one has really have time to play games. Especially for men at your age.

    So yes it is common for guys to ask out girls on a text.

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    • Let the other girls have you. Not interested.

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    • Nah, I just like to open the eyes of a close minded person :)

    • You have nothing to offer of any value to me. I really am saddened by the bitter, mean and angry comments I received here. I feel sorry for you, truly. You have tossed aside everything of value and clung to all the bad, sarcastic, negativity that everybody has to deal with. Your choice to be a jerk.

  • and you girls don't need to overcome shyness, social-anxiety, insecurity, social-awkwardness like we guys do, that is what angers me, pisses me off, frustrates me, that goes to show you that guys have to work on themselves way more than girls do in order to become attractive, desirable to the oppossite sex, online dating is a good example, guys have to make themselves stand out way more than girls do, sick and tired of all of the god damn arguments, comments about "real men do this, real men do that, that's part of being a Man", screw, f*** that!

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    • "Pretty pretty please,don't you ever ever feel like your less than f***in' perfect,pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like your nothin,u are perfect to me ^^ " ...lol just wanted to cheer ya up...screw the world,be yourself,u seem amazing,so don't give a sh*t what they say or do...who are they to judge and tell you wats right and what's wrong? ...just be a good person and to hell with the world...

  • The face to face hurts more than a receiving text message or IM chat. Most guys feel like wen you say NO on their face they been hit by a semi trailer & then looking at ull just becomes purely difficult. we just don't know how to continue from there on. but somehow me manage to crawl outta the whole sad but alive

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    • I'm looking for an intuitive and strong guy who can read body language at least to some extent. So I should avoid the ones that just text. That's not the kind of guy I want to spend time with.

  • Insecurity and habit.

    I enjoy texting for conversation, but prefer instant messaging. Due to being a home-body most of the time, while most others aren't, this can make regular conversation challenging. I tend to make all important messages out in as personal a way as possible. If for some reason a face-to-face or phone call is not possible (internet is not strong enough to hold a Skype connection, live too far away, etc.) I will hand write a letter to you. There's no excuse not to except fear of rejection, and what kind of excuse is that? I mean, really!

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  • its something I myself avoid doing , I'm not one to plan or invite people out to things , if they want to come out its up to them I'm not going to hassle them and send texts asking , it sounds too desperate

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  • Not ideal but acceptable. Some people are just shy and fear rejection and might really like you. Or some are just lazy. Hard to tell in this situation.

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  • Why do you women reject nice guys?

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    • We don't reject nice guys. I can only speak for myself, of course! But just like you are not attracted sexually to all women, we are even more so not attracted to all men that way. We can become so depending on how the guy chooses to win us over. You guys are more into looks than we are. We are move into BEHAVIOR. How you act around us and what you do is what we are attracted to. We may thing you have nice abs, but if you're inconsiderate or can't carry on an intelligent conversation, we are done.

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    • Just because I have bastard in my name doesn't mean I act like one. And like I said you only care about looks and maybe even income. Women like you are the reason why men invented wars and hand guns.

    • You know NOTHING about me, what I want or like. You are seriously hurt, angry and just seem like a really mean person to attack a stranger who is looking for some insight. You are ACTING like a total bastard to ME. Stop trying to friend me. I don't want to know you.

  • Okay...

    Ignoring them is seriously a bitch-move! It's incredibly rude. At least tell them either no or tell them you prefer being asked out through a phone call or in person.

    Texting you makes it easier for both parties. The guy won't take the rejection as hard, and the girl can actually think about it before answeing. Sure, it may seem impersonal, but it helps both people involved!

    If a girl cannot take ten seconds to respond to a text and decides to ignore me, I will not continue to pursue her. I hope these guys are still pursuing you because if they are not, then you do not have too much a chance with them again, if they don't take bullsh*t from people. Be happy ANYBODY is pursuing you! I would love it if a girl actually took initiative and asked me out first!

    God be with you...

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    • Naah, ignoring them means number one, I didn't see it right away (which I didn't; I have a young child and do not always have or hear my phone) and number two, that I am not sure what he is saying. It had been 3 months since one of these guys had contacted me. And now he's doing it last minute at the holidays? Nobody wants to be someone's 2nd, 3rd, 4th choice. If they wanted a date for the holidays, I think they should have done something to make that happen earlier on.

  • I think a phone call is a better, since it puts her on the spot. You can also tell by the tone of her voice and pauses if she really wants to go out or is going to make a b.s. excuse. I have gotten rejected by text once and after that it's all phone calls for me. I leave a voice mail if she doesn't answer.

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    • I agree. If she wants to think about it, she won't answer and will listen to the voice mail, decide and call back! But if she LIKES the guy, and is available to answer, SHE WILL. If she answers, she most likely will say yes.

  • its just asking to meet, why do you put so much emphasis on it? be happy you get asked out, some girls your age don't even get that

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    • Yeah, but most girls my age don't look like me, or have my energy.

    • like I said, its just a way of asking someone to meet, don't look too much into it, what matters the most is how he acts on the date

    • Age has nothing to do with it. You wouldn't tell you rmom to go out with some guy who texts her and then comes to the house and blows the horn to pick her up would you? Yes, it's the behavior, not the looks for US. I think it's more looks for the guys.

  • I think that's tacky to ask a girl out through text unless I've already established something with her. Like if a girl and I are friend or a casual partner then I wouldn't mind texting her for a date.

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  • If it bothers you so much, just call him yourself.

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    • It doesn't bother me; I'm trying to understand a guy who does this. I'm looking for a strong, confident guy who knows what he wants and is willing to put some effort in to get it. If texting means the guy is not going to put in any effort, I don't want to date him at all.

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    • You don't know anything about me or any other woman. Leave it alone, ok? I was just looking for some insight and all you have is MEAN and NASTY. Please keep it to yourself.

    • You're the one doing the name calling.

      *facepalm*

  • Honestly thank you. I didn't know girls wanted a phone call. I'm going to do this for now on.

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  • times like this I hate being born male

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  • why does it matter how he asked you out? the important thing is that he is doing it anyway, geeze!

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  • When you ask out a guy, how do you usually do it?

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    • I don't ask guys out. I respond only to guys who show an interest in me. If I know he is interested and we are dating, I will gladly invite him out and do it in a way that is appropriate for the relationship we already have.

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    • guys can be aggressive in other areas of life but not with women

    • I see your point there. But do you respect a woman that just maybe pursued YOU or was extremely quick to move in or jump in bed with you? Has that changed these days and now you're fine with it?

  • No offense, but the days of "a guy trying a LOT harder" are over. Guys aren't dumb. And seriously, I liked asking girls out through text, because it makes it not only easier for me, but easier for them to say no if they want, so hopefully they'll say no instead of accepting and flaking out. Still happened a hell of a lot.

    There's just no reason for a guy to "try a LOT harder" because if a girl won't respond to a text, she's not into you enough to make it worth spending the time.

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    • Seriously, to all/any girls: why should we try hard to get you to go out with us? Seriously? We have heartbreak too and suffer rejection sharply. If a girl doesn't like a guy enough to respond a happy "yes" to a text, why would she say any different if he called later, or had instead, or asked in person? She wouldn't. If a girl doesn't like a guy enough to happily say "sure, let's go out" after a text, he's wasting his time and emotion to pursue her further. FACT.

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    • Not sure what you mean... I'm not trying to be adored by anyone, lmao. I'm actually working on being a bit of an ass this year, haha. The last/first time I truly adored a girl, it ended horribly. For me, that is. I don't think she cared much. Being sweet is great for girls to do, not so much for guys.

    • Well, your work has paid off. I would say that you definitely seem like an ass for sure. And just because one jerky girl broke your heart, it does not give you the excuse to become like her and pay it forward.

  • How else is a guy supposed to ask out a girl who hardly ever answers the phone?

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    • Or listens to her voice mails?

    • Leave a voice mail. If she doesn't call him back, she's not interested. You don't have to ask her out on the voice mail. Just tell her you were thinking about her. If she doesn't respond to that, she's either dating someone else or not interested.

  • It's stupid.

    And yes, it's because it's much easier for the guys who are too nervous to do so in person.

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    • Ah... an honest answer. So if I am looking for the type of guy who can overcome his nervousness and fear because he REALLY wants to see me again, I should definitely wait for the guy who has the balls to call.

    • Honesty seems to be the unpopular answer for this question.

      I personally like to think of it as being more traditional in courting a girl to either call or just do it face to face. Seems pretty lame to have to think back "Remember when I texted you that first time..."

      I answer this way because I've already experienced with the whole texting her ordeal. I guess it's accepted nowadays, but personally, even if I'm 22, I don't feel it's the best way.

    • Well, kudos to you, a real considerate and thoughtful person!

  • Total normal behavior on his part. Honestly, why should a man call? I've had much better luck just sending the occasional text. Calling a girl makes you look needy and totally into her before she has the chance to prove she's worth hanging out with.

    Read this:

    link

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    • Exactly. You guys have been conditioned into thinking this behavior is acceptable. Just like the girls who jump in bed with you on the 2nd / 3rd and sometimes FIRST date. Sad.

  • You're too old to appreciate how modern American dating culture works. It is just more efficient to send texts and girls of the younger generation expect it, and prefer it to long phone calls with guys they barely know. The culture has changed, including for older guys as well now. Men put in the minimum level of effort with girls they don't know until the girl shows something back. I can tell you from experience that works best on the guy's part. Men that are always making their intentions crystal clear and communicate frequently are the most shot down. He's testing the room tempature for your willingness to respond. This is dating of 2012, not from when you were a college student.

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    • No, we don't expect it at all. I would never accept a date from a text message, ever, regardless of whether I liked the guy or not.

    • Figures you are anonymous!

    • Figures you are anonymous. Age has nothing to do with it. It's as matter of preference and consideration. I don't want a guy who always chooses what is comfortable for HIM or the choice that is the LEAST amount of effort. I want a guy who considers what the experience is like for the OTHER person, not just HIM. We re in a very fast paced and SELFISH era.

What Girls Said 3

  • Just a sign of modern times. Pay closer attention to the ones who get up the nerve to actually call, they are usually the ones worth your time. Not saying all guys who only text are bad but the ones who call are almost a guarantee the good ones.

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    • I agree whole heartedly! I am looking for a guy who at least considers how he is coming across, is not so wounded and insecure he needs to be coddled, and who is not afraid to be himself :) If I don't hold out for that, I won't get that.

  • I share the same feelings, at least call!

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    • Yeah, I agree. This shows he is thinking of YOU and not just sending out maybe 5 texts to 5 different girls to see who he can get the cheapest? Or the fastest? Or the easiest! No risk, no investment. That's the kind of guy that texts a girl for a date.

  • I actually prefer being asked out via text

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    • I'm guessing it's a lot less pressure, and makes it easier to decline if you wish?

    • I'd love to hear a woman's point of view on this. Especially an opposite one! No judgment! Why do you prefer it?

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