Why do guys come off strong and then disappear/fade away?

The guys I go out with text/message me quite a bit in the beginning then after a while, I only hear from them every now and then. But if I start hitting them up, they end up pulling away/ texting even less than before... I end up liking them even more and wanting something more until they just disappear. I've never had a relationship before so I don't know how to get a guy to commit!? Should I not initiate texts/calls? What should I do differently? Also, the guys I'm definitely obviously not interested in somehow always want to get in a relationship fast. What the heck? Why can't guys I like be like this?

(These are guys I randomly meet/haven't known for awhile.)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys often have the exact same problem with girls, FWIW.

    Proof: link

    With some of these guys, they were never serious about things to begin with. They showed some initial interest, either out of boredom or because they were initially attracted to you, but as they got to know you, they either lost interest or figured out that you weren't as compatible with them as they'd hoped. Others really just wanted to get laid, and were hoping for some quick, easy sex, and when that didn't happen, and they figured out that it wasn't likely to happen in the near future, they were on to the next potential target.

    Another thing to realize is that most guys don't like texting, phone calls, and other non-face-to-face communications. It's just that they're willing to do it at the beginning, to GET you in the first place, but then once they "have you", they quickly go back to normal, which is minimal texting and non-F2F communication.

    Learn to rely much, much less on texting. Instead, CALL him once in a while, intentionally keep your calls short unless HE is trying to keep you on the line, and make it easy for him to get off the phone quickly if he wants to. Use those phone calls to set up times when you can get together IN PERSON, and save your conversations until you are F2F. You will make your guy much happier, and in turn, he will probably both be more eager to listen, and will probably initiate other forms of conversation more often, because he won't feel smothered or that he is *required* to do so.

    Let's not forget that there guys who are exceptions; some guys text all the time and prefer it that way, and other guys like talking on the phone. The majority prefer F2F, though, and will be much better communicators overall if you bias your talks when you are F2F, and minimize your calls and texts, and keep both of the latter SHORT.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Something about you just pushed them away.

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  • To me it's simple. I don't mind texting a bit at first. If it doesn't lead quickly to some dating, then I have no interest in texting forever and nothing is happening. I don't like to invest a lot of time communicating with a girl without dating, it's a waste of my time to be honest. Plus, communicating at length decreases any possible sexual tension and make it very unlikely that anything will spark between me and her. As a whole, communicating a lot without seeing the person is just a bad strategy.

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