Questioning monogamy?

I am in an LTR, and after several years of some good times, I feel that I never really had the opportunity to date and have sex without any form of relationship or commitment. This is my 5th LTR, and I have always felt this way after a couple of years. I'm not sure if I have just not dated enough, or if monogamy just isn't for me. Furthermore, I don't really know any "nice" way of bringing this up.

I see what you all are saying. The "dating scene" seems so full of excitement of the new and unknown, like the first date, first kiss, first sex, etc. There's the challenge of trying to get someone interested in you, and knowing that you might fail. To me that's the most exciting part, and I never get why people are so quick to give that up for "stability." Sure, you can always play games with your partner and fake that you are strangers, but it seems an empty substitute for the real thing.
Thats the problem. Women seem SO eager to get through with dating and I always felt that that was the most interesting stage.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i think biologically we are not really built for monogamy, otherwise we would have been built to no longer be attracted to things after we already have it. Know what I mean?

    I've almost strictly had LTR's as well. I also get the feeling from time to time that I wish I was single and free to mingle... The thing you have to remind yourself is that if you were single is the life you're imaging or yearning for what you realistically believe would come to fruition?

    Most people who are monogamists still don't necessarily feel like they are at times. If you were single would you really be on the prowl getting numbers and having casual sex? Would you really trade that for the stable relationship you have?

    If yes then tell the person that you love them but aren't positive that you're ready for a monogamist relationship. Perhaps you need to get some polygamy out of your system or perhaps you'll just realize that the grass always appears to be greener on the ther side of the fence

    Good luck!


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What Girls Said 4

  • =/ I mean it just sounds like you believe you're missing out..even when you may not be missing out on anything. I mean, yes, it would feel good to have your freedom which you are probably craving most but it's really hard to find someone who you can commit to and share your life with. I suppose it depends on what you think is more worth it. You may love it for a little bit but usually doesn't last for very long.

    If you truly think you won't be happy until you've had a taste of freedom then go ahead. You only live once. Just don't think it's worth leaving a good person over. BUT if you must then you should explain to her how you feel. That you've been in a lot of long term relationships and you never really had a chance to be "free" and have fun. It doesn't have anything to do with her but if you are at that certain age you probably crave your freedom a lot more. Take some time to think about it. If you think it's still worth it then just try to break it to her as gently as possible.

  • Honestly, relationships can be worth it.. more than worth it! But if you're not invested in her, you're going to get bored. You know the best way to enjoy someone and feel all the great emotions of love? Love them. No, I don't mean conjure emotions. Love isn't an emotion. Love is an action. Love is investing in someone. Getting to know them even though you think you know them completely. Caring about them more than anything.

    Sex is sex, and orgasms feel like orgasms.

    What you're looking for is fulfillment, and honestly you'll never find that fully in a woman... but as far as fulfillment with a woman, you'll never get closer with quantity, only quality. If your relationship isn't quality right now, it's up to you to get the ball rolling.

    My guess is if you go ahead and have lots of casual sex... the experiences will feel fun, and sex feels good. But you'll end up feeling empty.

    • zhorselover I must say I am impressed with you I know people that are twice your age and still have no clue as to what true love is. I bow down to you young lady I would kiss your hand given the chance

    • I think fulfillment means freedom for me.

  • Break up then . F***other people , casual sex isn't that great. But if you think you need that then who am I to judge. I do feel sorry for your partner

  • lol what is LTR?

    • long term relationship

    • Ohh OK. Well maybe after this ltr is over you can just take a break relax go to bars have ons and just wait a bot before you go into the next ltr

What Guys Said 3

  • I think we all feel we give up our freedom in traditional dating relationships. It's one of the biggest drawbacks of this 'out-dated' (no pun inteneded) kind of practice.

    So artificial ,such a meat-market, bidding for the women's attention.

    Yuck, I concluded, back when I was a teenager.

    • Most women see the dating scene as a meat market, and not something fun and exciting. Most guys know they will be losers, since the women mostly go to the highest bidder...More and ore people are opting out of traditional dating for these reasons.

  • Dude you have to listen to ZHORSELOVER that girl has got it going on.

    I think what you are feeling is boredom spice it up take her to a theme motel do something different buy a bottle of wine some strawberries. Watch the sunset. Send her on a treasure hunt.

  • I think LTR are so much work for guys. For a lot of women, once you have committed to them it seems like your aura and sexiness take a big nosedive. The significant majority of married couples I know rarely have sex and the faithful guys are always so frustrated I can tell it makes them miserable. I think monogamous LTR is natural for women but very unnatural for guys.