Why do you not text first?

What are your guys' reasons for not texting a girl first? Ladies, you can answer on why you won't text a guy first too.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To start with, you need to understand that guys and girls communicate with different goals in mind. Guys communicate to GET THINGS ACCOMPLISHED. That means if a guy texts you, it's because he has something to tell you, or something to ask you. He has a goal, he's focused on it, and the quicker he accomplishes the goal and can move on to something else, the better for him.

    Girls communicate to SHARE. I've been in rooms where women will talk AT each other for an hour, with each one sharing their own story while being interrupted by the other. Both really only cared about sharing their own story, and neither were listening to the other person's story at all. This kind of communication drives men insane.

    Guys mostly DO enjoy talking to their girl, but they want to talk to her FACE-TO-FACE, where he can not only hear her, but see her, and even touch her, and where he isn't doing this through a device. Guys want to have a relationship with a GIRL, *not* with a phone.

    Yes, we have the ability to text each other, but guys don't want to have CONVERSATIONS via text. Guys use texts in a goal-oriented way. Ask a quick question or send a quick piece of info, get a response, and move on. Unless they are completely alone and bored, they DON'T want to get stuck on a long text conversation, but that's exactly how most girls communicate via text. "What are you thinking right now?" is one of those open-ended questions that make guys want to smash their phones and go live in a cave. If we knew that when our girl texted us, it was going to be a quick conversation, with no more than one or two quick replies, we'd be much more accepting of texts, but we know that if we initiate contact by texting first, we're probably going to be stuck in a long text conversation for the next 20+ minutes. Since we don't want that, we don't initiate.

    Another problem with texts is that people automatically expect an immediate answer, but the purpose of texts is for lower-priority messages that can wait for a response. If you need to talk to your guy urgently, CALL HIM, don't text. And don't get upset if it takes him an hour to respond; he's probably busy, or sleeping. If he doesn't respond immediately, it doesn't mean there's something wrong, or that he doesn't like you, or that he never thinks of you. He's BUSY.

    In general, guys multitask poorly, so when a guy is texting, the rest of his life has to come to a complete stop. Girls tend to be much better multitaskers, so they can text while they're making lunch and doing their hair and watching TV all at the same time. Guys can't; we have to focus on one thing at a time, which is why we like to get things done quickly and move on to the next thing.

    Save your important conversations for when you are F2F. If you are apart, and it's IMPORTANT, then CALL. Save texting for quick questions or short pieces of info, and you'll find your guy will be a much better texter in return.

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    • I must admit this is a very interesting and enlightening answer on how men and women view communication differently. I am curious though: does that mean that men will never share anything unless they're asked to? How does bonding work then? Women (or maybe it's just me) tend to bond over shared stories, talking is of the utmost importance because that's also one way to express how we feel. How do men view, experience those than if communication to them is so different than what it is to us?

    • When you are F2F with your guy, things are different. That's when he WANTS to talk to you, and is also able to multitask to some degree, so it's less difficult for him to. Guys enjoy talking and listening too, just IN PERSON.

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What Guys Said 26

  • depends on the culture, but most cultures in America have the woman sitting in top position by default, it is almost always the man who has to climb up, to chase, to work hard, and the woman, would often not only avoid helping, often, as it happens with little kids, the more you chase them the more the have fun running away from you, as a girl you may not want to hear it, but think about how many times one of your male friends has been in an upside and frustrating battle to win a heart of a girl that feels pleasure on playing hard to get, but is real, girls are always undertood to be the ones in control, the ones judging, and the boy geing the the judge one, you are the trophy, he the athlete that has to go to extreme lenghts to win you over, honestly, it sucks, we enjoy being chased, just as much as you, perhaps more since we hardly ever had it, but I for one don't want to be chased, I like a girl a girl to be as much into me as I am into her, and we BOTH work for a relationship or a fun time equally, but it's hard, since, again, "trophy" is your default position, and you are hard to find if we are not chasing you, so we indeed have to chase you a LITTLE, but, if we always text first, always kiss first, always bring a topic up first, always be the ones who HAVE to act in order to GET something of you, then we become the chasers, and by definition, the chasers are not chased, so is like, if YOU are the price, we are NOT-THE-PRICE, and it sucks becuase we feel like we are getting something from you, but you seem to not be getting something of us. with my girl, it is equitative, sometimes I call her, sometimes she does, we don't plan it, it happens, because we BOTH long for each other, I was the first to break the ice and introduce himself, she was the first to ask for my number, I was the first to move for her hand, she was the first to go for the kiss, and well, there have many other firsts, sometimes her, sometimes me, and it is lovely, because I feel like I'm as much of a treasure to her as she is to me and now I see even more claerly how much it sucked when a girl would never be the first to make any move, it felt like she was the treasure and I the pirate robbing it, for now on, if a girl doesn't show interest with actions I'll just asume "I'm into her, but she's not into me, so why bother?", I won't be the first to move always you bet on that

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    • mate you thought a bit too much about this lol

    • ha :P there're even books about it, so is more serious than you may think, is not only about texting, is about dating in general

  • The longer the guy waits the longer he will stay on her mind ^^.

    There is a french say (dunno the exact equivalent in English )

    "run from me and I'll chase after you, chase after me and I'll run from you"

    the longer the girl will doubt the interest of the guy the more interest she may get.

    Btw, it works both ways. if the guy is into the girl and waits a little while to text, making him wait for the reply can mess him up pretty well too.

    it's simple mind games at the end...

    I hope it helps.

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  • Because I don't text. At all. Hate texting with a passion.

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  • Texting, insincere...

    What ever happen to actually talking on the phone?

    People today are dumb...

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  • Because we know broads f*** around with the contact head games, and don't want to be the drooling f***in puppy dog that gets taken for a ride.

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More from Guys
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What Girls Said 5

  • Ummm I text people when I feel like it. So sometimes I text first, sometimes guys do.

    I'm not into very insecure people, so if you feel like there is something you want to tell me, just text, call or whatever me and I'll do the same...

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  • Sometimes I wait if I have been texting him a lot lately. I'll let him make the move.

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  • Idc. If I wanna talk,bored, or I need to ask a question I'll text. I'm a fairly fast "texter" so I don't care for the whole wait til he text or whatever mind games. If I get the text and I am able to reply I will. lol. Why do people make it so complicated? XD

    Texting someone 50 times in a row..yeah..you may seem clinggy hhahhaha but just texting in general who cares? XD hope it helps

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  • Texting is the EASIEST/SIMPLEST way to talk to someone. Personally, I think it's the most chicken when starting a relationship.

    If you're really interested...CALL. Stand out and show them that you're really interested in them for them.

    Maybe it's generational, but texting is sooooooo impersonal!

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  • Pretty much what the guys said about being clingy. I only text a guy first when my confidence is through the roof..or when I NEED to talk to him.

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