Why do you not text first?

What are your guys' reasons for not texting a girl first? Ladies, you can answer on why you won't text a guy first too.


Most Helpful Guy

  • To start with, you need to understand that guys and girls communicate with different goals in mind. Guys communicate to GET THINGS ACCOMPLISHED. That means if a guy texts you, it's because he has something to tell you, or something to ask you. He has a goal, he's focused on it, and the quicker he accomplishes the goal and can move on to something else, the better for him.

    Girls communicate to SHARE. I've been in rooms where women will talk AT each other for an hour, with each one sharing their own story while being interrupted by the other. Both really only cared about sharing their own story, and neither were listening to the other person's story at all. This kind of communication drives men insane.

    Guys mostly DO enjoy talking to their girl, but they want to talk to her FACE-TO-FACE, where he can not only hear her, but see her, and even touch her, and where he isn't doing this through a device. Guys want to have a relationship with a GIRL, *not* with a phone.

    Yes, we have the ability to text each other, but guys don't want to have CONVERSATIONS via text. Guys use texts in a goal-oriented way. Ask a quick question or send a quick piece of info, get a response, and move on. Unless they are completely alone and bored, they DON'T want to get stuck on a long text conversation, but that's exactly how most girls communicate via text. "What are you thinking right now?" is one of those open-ended questions that make guys want to smash their phones and go live in a cave. If we knew that when our girl texted us, it was going to be a quick conversation, with no more than one or two quick replies, we'd be much more accepting of texts, but we know that if we initiate contact by texting first, we're probably going to be stuck in a long text conversation for the next 20+ minutes. Since we don't want that, we don't initiate.

    Another problem with texts is that people automatically expect an immediate answer, but the purpose of texts is for lower-priority messages that can wait for a response. If you need to talk to your guy urgently, CALL HIM, don't text. And don't get upset if it takes him an hour to respond; he's probably busy, or sleeping. If he doesn't respond immediately, it doesn't mean there's something wrong, or that he doesn't like you, or that he never thinks of you. He's BUSY.

    In general, guys multitask poorly, so when a guy is texting, the rest of his life has to come to a complete stop. Girls tend to be much better multitaskers, so they can text while they're making lunch and doing their hair and watching TV all at the same time. Guys can't; we have to focus on one thing at a time, which is why we like to get things done quickly and move on to the next thing.

    Save your important conversations for when you are F2F. If you are apart, and it's IMPORTANT, then CALL. Save texting for quick questions or short pieces of info, and you'll find your guy will be a much better texter in return.

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      I must admit this is a very interesting and enlightening answer on how men and women view communication differently. I am curious though: does that mean that men will never share anything unless they're asked to? How does bonding work then? Women (or maybe it's just me) tend to bond over shared stories, talking is of the utmost importance because that's also one way to express how we feel. How do men view, experience those than if communication to them is so different than what it is to us?

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      When you are F2F with your guy, things are different. That's when he WANTS to talk to you, and is also able to multitask to some degree, so it's less difficult for him to. Guys enjoy talking and listening too, just IN PERSON.