My boyfriend neglects me. How do I let him know

without looking desperate or needy? I I feel taken for granted. He's away on a week-long vacation at his aunt's. I know he can text there as he texted me for new years. I texted him this afternoon to ask him if he could check for my beloved mittens which I think I forgot in his car. He gave them to me and I've been depressed the whole day thinking that I might have lost them. He never replied, even though I told him in my text that I was very sad and upset about it.

It's not so much about today. He tells me he's really happy when I text him out of the blue to check on him but he never seems to care for me as much. He says he thinks about me but he initiates little to no contact when we're apart. I want to ignore him until he comes back because I'm hurt but I wish he'd know that I'm disappointed about his lack of communication. I don't want to play silly games but hell, I feel like I'm treated poorly whenever he's away.


0|0
2|5

Most Helpful Guy

  • Hate to say it but it sounds like you need more constant contact than he does. That makes you the needier one in the relationship. No bad. There's always one. I'd recommend positive reinforcement rather than negative if you want to alter his behavior. You want him to LIKE talking to you, so make sure there's always something interesting to talk about and keep it positive.

    I know I suck at initiating contact beyond emails. My Dad actually sent a full Colonel that worked for him to track me down when I didn't bother to call home for a few months during Operation Joint Endeavor. Yes. I suck, but I'm not the only guy that does. Sorry. <:-)

    One more bit. Talk about what you really really like rather than what you need. It makes a difference.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 4

  • 1. Tell him how it makes you FEEL when he doesn't text you for long periods when he is away. Don't suggest a solution, let HIM do that.

    2. Understand that when he's away, visiting family that he probably rarely sees, that he's busy. Everyone wants his attention, because they never see him, and now he's there and everyone wants to talk to him. That's how that always goes, and they'd be upset if he's texting all the time after going all that way to see THEM.

    What I'm getting at is: lower your expectations some when it comes to texitng and communication in general when he is away. Most guys simply don't communicate as much as you're wanting.

    Guys prefer to be face-to-face when they're talking to you, and that's what they focus on. I'm sure he'd listen to you and talk with you all day long in person. But right now, he has other people F2F, and he's talking with THEM. It's not like he's meeting some other girl or something; this is his FAMILY. So chill out a bit, don't take it so personally, and understand that just because he isn't texting you doesn't mean he isn't thinking about you, or doesn't wish he could have brought you with him. I always would have preferred spending time with my Girlfriend rather than seeing family or doing other stuff that I had to do (of COURSE I still wanted to see my family, which is why I went), but in life, we ALL have to do things that aren't our top choice. We can't be selfish all the time. Even though he'd rather be with you, he's with his family, and for the short time he's there, he's giving them his full attention. When he gets back, you will get his full attention again.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That's really good advice MrOracle. I'm flattered that you took the time to read my question (I know you give great advice). You said I should lower my expectations when it comes to texting. I didn't think I had to lower them to non-existent :( He texted me for new years and that's it. He took a whole day to reply to my text.

      You know what hurts me the most? When I was away at a chalet with him and his friends, I'd still check on my phone once or twice a day in case my parents or brother ==>

    • ==> texted me. They are the only important people in my life that weren't with me during that time, so I felt the need to check on my phone for them. This week, my boyfriend demonstrated that when he's away with his family, there's nobody important enough to him to feel the need to check on his phone. If I was with my family and boyfriend, I wouldn't check my phone. I'm with everybody I need. But when I'm not there, my boyfriend doesn't feel like there's anything missing. Because he's busy. That's inconsiderate :(

    • I understand how you feel, and I'm not going to say you are wrong. He probably *should* check more, and be more responsive.

      Still, guys are naturally less "needy" when it comes to communication, so they tend not to realize or understand that it's far more important to girls. He probably is fairly inexperienced with having serious relationships, and so he doesn't yet know that this is a key area where he needs to adjust his thinking. He isn't doing this because he doesn't care about you.

  • I'm kind of getting stressed out just reading this. This seems kind of minor. It's just a week and he is visiting his aunt, who he probably doesn't get to see much. We're talking about a few texts? Or does this guy go 2 weeks without contacting you? If he' reguarly goes 14+ days without hitting you up then you should leave him. But if this is an isolated incident centered around you wanting a ton of attention all the time then you are probably overreacting.

    0|0
    0|0
  • he might actually be busy and forgot his phone. I'm sure by no he replied to you ;)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Leave him, I don't understand why women get into relationships where the guy never pays attention and they get upset and try to fix it, he's not going to start paying attention just because you say it's hurting you otherwise he would have already changed as for the texting he has no reason to not text you, if he can text you there he should be at least wishing you goodnight but he is not even doing that, so what is taking all his attention and is more important the his girlfriend, he should be texting you a lot. If he won't give you the attention you deserve then find a guy that will who when he is away all he wants is to talk to you and who will text you back and make you feel better. Trust me there are better guys out there

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • How often do you contact him? Because if you initiate it enough to where you converse often, he might not feel the need to contact you first because he knows you'll do it. My ex boyfriend initiated contact so much that I could hardly do anything in between conversations, so I never bothered contacting him first. Not because I didn't like him, because he did it enough for me to feel satisfied. So if you want him to contact you, stop contacting him. I know it sounds like playing games, but sometimes backing off a little is a good thing.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ignoring him is the best idea. Don't give him any attention at all until he comes and asks you what's up. Then is when you can tell him how you feel about these things. Its true it will be hard to keep you mind off it and concentrate on ignoring. For the mean time get a hobby and pretend as if you have better stuff to do than obsess about his ignorance! Don't be the weaker one woman! :)

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...