Do I have a future shot with her?

My crush rejected me in the past because she likes someone else and she's TOTALLY set on him, so the rejection wasn't personal! However she knows that I still like her... which isin't always a bad thing, she's still very responsive and flirts back a little(since she's still single technically) We're both in HS btw

So anyway I texted her to meet me on her break at work so we could have that "Where do we stand?" talk she tried to get outa me over a text message(I remember she begged me to text her what I wanted to talk about, but I said I rather do it in person. Also she said "Please don't assume anything, you never know. just tell me" (which I would assume is a good sign) when I said I had an idea of what I knew her response would be)

Anyway she approaches me on her break, her and I were both nervous, and I simply started with

Me: "You know that gut feeling you sometimes get?"

her: "gut feeling about... what? (nervous giggle)

Me: "Sometimes I think there's some mutual attraction between us... so where do we stand?"

Her: "As friends"

Me: "Always as friends?"

Her: "Yeah"

Then I just said "ok" cooly and changed the conversation, real smooth and easy. Then she had to go back inside cause it was cold out

BUT I decided to approach her a second time, like 5 min later. So I ask again

Me: "Just to clarify... is there any future between us?"

Her: "I'll get back to you on that" (and she did look real nervous, deep in thought, walking slow and nervously and deep in thought)

Me: (Jokingly) "As long as you don't forget like last time haha" (She forgot to get back to me about something minor a week ago)

I know from asking anonymously on her tumblr(yeah, creepy I know :p) that she mainly looks for guys with a lot of mutual interests, which YES both me and her have. So I decided it would be BRILLIANT and would make me look great to text her

"No matter what your final answer is I'll always stay your friend. We have WAY too much in common, and ironically that's what I look for in a girl ;P take your time tho!"

So yeah, thoughts on the situation, and was my text idea good at getting me a future shot and cause her to re-evaluate me? My only fear is that because I said I'd willingly be her friend, she might say "We'll always be friends" because I sorta agreed to, as a way to let me down easier. Idk?

ALSO if she does say "no, there's no future", is it appropiate to ask why?

  • Yes
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  • No
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  • Other (post what)
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And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright I looked at your second question, and it is in line with what you back up plan should be:

    "run from me and I'll chase you, chase me and I'll run away from you"

    I'll try to make you understand what you desperately refuse to accept but is true (I am not trying to be harsh, I just want to be less confusing than yesterday):

    -As of right now, you have virtually no chance of getting with her.

    -If she meets a new guy who seems nice and fun, she will probably go out with him (new person's advantage). (do not take it personally, it is not because of who you are it is because of the position in which you are).

    -The only alternative you have right now is: Forget about it, Move on, it might even help to talk to her as little as you can.

    as an outcome: she might "ONE DAY" want something more as a result of you having moved on and grown up and why not having gotten a girlfriend.

    All I can promise you, is that by then you will look back on it and think, oh my god I would have died a million times for this girl and now... she is just another girl.

    You are still young, it is part of you growing up.

    -Oh and by the way, if she is a smart girl, she will realize quite soon that you are the random anonymous guy and that won't look good. So stop it as soon as you can lol, because you can be anonymous all you want, you are the only guy who is trying hard to get with her lately and she will do the link.

    Let me know if anything is confusing.

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    • Thanks, since me and her have such a CLOSE friendship(as in texting EVERY day) I'm sure she'll miss it and reach back out. So as you said, I'll change things around and let her chase me!

      I'm pretty much gonna leave 1% of my interest in her, and the other 99% to another girl that comes along.

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    • "he acts distant and hesitent to meet up with her" --> You don't say !?

      she is probably looking for a grown up guy, and he seems a little ahead in the transition with his cool attitude.

      Now she knows that you like her, dial it down, act friendly, make a move on another girl, get your mind off her, stop trying to make it happen, it will either happen on its own or won't.

      Either way change your target. Now I'm not here to give you life coaching advice, go make mistakes and learn ^^.

    • Well she also confessed "He doesn't have to change anything! I just really like my crush and really committed to him" <--- yay for internet creepin.

      Anyway keeping her on the side, she knows I'm interested, she'll hmu. ONTO THE NEXT ONE :D

What Girls Said 2

  • to be honest with you know from experience getting with someone who even has the slightest feelings for someone else seriously makes you feel like crap. so in my opinion even if you did get with her it would be a bad idea. however I also know how hard it can be to have a friend you really like and not have them, its really difficult, unfortunately I can't give you any tips on how to solve that problem as I'm kinda stuck there myself.

    sorry I couldn't be more help and I hope everything works out ok

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  • No. The rejection was personal. She wasn't in a relationship yet, she just chose another guy over you. Yes, asking her like 3 different times where you stand was bad. Yes, texting her that was so obvious. Why do guys think we won't notice when they take something off of our public info and "magically" talk about how they love it too?

    Sorry to be so harsh about it, but you made yourself look so desperate to have her, and then even more desperate to at least keep her as a friend (which she sees right through. She knows you only want to be friends so that you can have a shot one day).

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    • Actually it wasn't personal. Again, I asked on her tumblr anonymously if she's the kinda girl that's open to new guys or if she's content on the guy she's crushing on, she did indeed say she's content on the guy because she sees a future with him

      Txting her was not obvious, her profile isint public... she accidentally sent me the url when sending me something else

      And not necessarily about the last part.

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    • I wasn't looking for a platonic friendship though. So who cares?

    • You're killing any attraction or slight interest she may have had left.

What Guys Said 1

  • Date other girls, but stay friendly with this one. If you're both single six months from now or after some other period of time, try flirting with her in a subtle manner, but don't ask her out directly and risk another rejection. Just let the pot simmer on a slow heat.

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    • will do!

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    • Yep, and when she talks to me/txts me I should act as if the rejection never happened right?

      Now I know this seems silly... but should I still show SOME interest? or maybe none at all?

    • If she talks/texts with you, be friendly for a while. Don't even have to flirt with her. Just be friendly. Make sure she knows you aren't waiting for her to come around. You have to hit on new girls. After a while, you can start flirting with her again if she's single, but at that point, she should just be a backup option, because the new girls should keep you busy. Having options changes a man's mindset to stop being so needy.

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