Why would people rather date the 1st person they find & attempt to change them into what they want instead of

waiting until the right person comes along?

So many people I see date the first person who will date them. It doesn't matter if they're complete opposites and everyone and their dog can tell them the relationship will eventually fail.

Girls turn blind eyes to everything their guy does that bothers them and say "that can be changed!" Men do this too!

WHY?! Why am I a "bitch" for being "too picky" and waiting for someone who shares the same qualities as me?

It seems guys who want to date me only for my looks then try to change my personality into what suits them.

WHY NOT WAIT FOR THE RIGHT PERSON?!?!?!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY CAN TAKE A LOT OF TIME TO ARRIVE !

    *cough* yelling makes my throat hurt..

    I was kidding. Sort of. I mean, I totally agree with you and, because of that, I had mentally prepared myself to stay alone for a long time (until I was 30/32/36 ... ) , and a virgin during all that time(I wanted to sleep with someone I cared for too...)... I had given up actually looking for someone, because I didn't had the desire to stay with someone I had no real connection with just "because", or because they wanted to date me or because I didn't want to stay alone, whatever...

    I knew the right one would come. I just stopped being anxious about it.

    ...a couple of years later, I found my current boyfriend and I couldn't be happier :D !

    ... people just desperately try to believe that everything they have is everything they were looking for because waiting sucks, finding out that you're actually NOT FINDING the one person you want to find sucks too, and being lonely can as well play a part in this too - because being lonely sucks and, for some, being "not lonely" is the solution - I believe in that saying that goes "Better alone than with bad company" (I don't know the English equivalent), but, for many people, that's not how it goes and that's just how they are...

    For me, I'd rather wait all my life for prince charming than getting old worrying about frogs.. But some people look at frogs and see them as frogs... but wish they were princes. so they end up with frogs and try to make it work as if they were their "meant other half", just because it's easier than facing the real truth that he has not yet arrived..

    In the mean time, he arrives and leaves because the princess is busy putting crowns on the little frog's heads... or they arrive and the princesses are so used to frogs they see the prince's skin as if it were green...

    I don't really know; but not everyone is a dreamer like I am (And I dream that dreams come true when you're brave enough to just have them... so far, that's coming true ^^ ), or like you seem to be... so they don't really expect they'll find a prince, just the right frog... then they turn into "frog-esses" too... that's life.

    some are lucky, some are not. some settle, some fight. some are happy without trying, others try and cannot be.

    And, at the same time, cats are awesome because they only care about their kingdom, food, litter box and sleeping 16 hours a day. I wish I were a cat somedays, but it's good to be human and be able to suffer, so I can be happy too.

    people shouldn't give up. I think that's the main problem, and I won't put this in caps 'cause my throat still hurts a bit...

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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't believe in trying to change someone's personality, because that just wouldn't be her. That's not the real her, and I'm not going to make someone put on a front because then they aren't being true to themselves, and that's not right or fair. However, if they have self destructive things about the personality, obviously I'd want them to see them change so she can better herself.

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    • I wish I met more guys like you!

What Girls Said 2

  • The right person doesn't exist.

    People have flaws, make mistakes are are far from perfect.

    It is incredibly rare for anyone to find someone who is so perfect or so right that there needs to be no compromise or change on the part of either partner.

    I think women today are trained to wait for their "prince charming" or told that there is someone "right for them" out there. It's more complicated than that. The older we get, the more baggage, issues, and sh*t we got. All the issues YOU have, mistakes you've made, and problems you have- someone else/everyone else has something similar in their own way.

    Its not a matter of finding and dating the first person you find, it a matter of 'are these flaws and issues something I can work with" or "are these flaws/issues/problems that can be changed."

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    • The "right person" isn't perfect. That's not what I meant. I mean someone perfect for US ****as is.**** We shouldn't have to always change/compromise because in that we lose ourselves.

      The right person for us accepts us as is without trying to change us.

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    • You completely misconstrued my words. I'm not saying I am looking to be completed or completely changed.

      However, I have flaws, the person I eventually date/marry has flaws too, the ideal person helps you see those and makes you better for it. Sometimes that means, yes, changing. We aren't perfect people, and sometimes we do need to make changes for the health of a relationship.

    • Okay. I see what you mean :) Good perspective.

  • They are either insecure and feel like they have to accept whoever comes along

    Or they are just using you until the person they really want comes along

    I don't think you're a bitch.

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